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DH never wants sex any more and it is really getting to me :(

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

To start off with I know he is not cheating...He goes to work and comes home...we have access to each others emails, passwords, cellphones ect..

DH would rather sit on the couch and stare at the damn TV then to be intimate with me :( I have tried to speak with him, I have tried to ask him for sex, I have tried to come on to him, I have bought lingerie and still he just doesn't seem interested..

It makes me feel undesired..I spend alot of nights on the couch crying because it just makes me feel like he is no longer interested in me...I have now gave up asking or trying to get him in the mood do to fear of rejection..I just no longer know what to do

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:47 AM

I agree with all of that, and I don't recommend a sexless marriage for everyone. In my marriage I don't have much choice and I've learned to be okay with that, for the sake of my marriage.

Quoting Anonymous:

I completely agree that they are not the same thing.

I also think, that for most couples, sex is a large part of intimacy and marriage. Sex is also a great way to connect with your partner, releive stress, and feel good about yourself. I could not imagine being in a sexless marriage, and I don't think that most couples stop having sex at some point.

Quoting Anonymous:

Intimacy and sex aren't the same for me. I find many ways to have intimate encounters with my husband that aren't sexually motivated.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

My relationship is the same way. In the beginning it hurt a lot and I just wanted him to be like other men, always wanting it, because I always want it. But I just had to face the fact that that's not who I married. It still gets frustrating, but sex doesn't have to be a part of a healthy relationship.

I disagree that sex doesn't have to be part of a healthy relationship. Obviously there are exceptions because there are people out there who cannot have sex, for various reasons. However those relationships still have a level of intimacy. Intimacy is vital to a healthy relationship.

OP - Does he work long hours or have a physically demanding job? Is he exhausted when he gets home? Is he physically healthy?

 



armstrong7984
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:49 AM

have you tried taking charge and removing the remote control and maybe unzipping his pants or straddling him?  I did this yestaurday even though my dh looked really bored and even started yawning so thats when i took the cue and got up and went and took a bath. But at least i can now say i tried right.

JZB
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:49 AM
I have totally been there him. Hugs
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:53 AM

Are you really okay with that? I can understand your resolve because you obviously love your husband. Also, if it's a medication that causes this is there anything the doctors can do?

My husband has not always had the highest sex drive. It made me crazy during the first few years of our marriage. We were young when we got married and my past experience taught me that men always wanted sex. I had no idea what to do and I thought there was something wrong with me.

As we got older, and I came into my own as a woman, I finally just confronted him. As it turned out, he enjoys sex just as much as I do. It was long hours, exhausting work, and stress. Not to mention our not-so-healthy lifestyle. We've changed so much as individuals and it's strengthened us as a couple with helped us develop intimacy outside of the bedroom as well as in.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree with all of that, and I don't recommend a sexless marriage for everyone. In my marriage I don't have much choice and I've learned to be okay with that, for the sake of my marriage.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:55 AM

Could he have depression?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:56 AM
Do what I do get butt ass naked and just walk up to him and straddle him then if that doesn't work tell him you think y'all need therapy
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:59 AM

1) we are both in our 20's..we have no insurance so he can't go to the doctor

2)nope he is not on any medicine

3) just the typical stress, but that was the same as it is was before

4) honestly no!! I take a shower and shave every day..I do my hair and makeup every day...I get dressed every day even when I have no where to go...I weigh the same now as I did before we got married

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

1.  How old are you guys?  Sometimes, the drive in a man goes down with age.  You could ask him to see the doctor to get his testosterone levels checked.
2.  Is he on any medications?  Many medications have sexual side effects, literally making it harder for the man to maintain an erection.  Or even get one!
3.  Are you in any life stresses right now?  Men are often affected by stress.  Too much stress, the drive goes down.  It could be work stress, holiday stress, financial, medical, etc...
4.  HAVE you let yourself go?  Be honest.  A man can still be very much in love with his wife, but that spark can dampen if she isn't taking care of her appearance.  Not saying you need to look like the day you met, but on a daily basis, you should cover the basics of hygiene and appearance. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I have tried talking to him about it many times and he really doesn't have alot to say except he does want me, he does desire me he does want sex with ect ect...He is all talk and no action and you know how that is action speaks louder then words...I think I will try writing a letter today and giving it to him..because this is really taking a toll on me emotionally

Quoting MountieMama:

Will he talk about it?

Maybe write him a letter? You can get your feelings out and it's not an emotional mess.

Remember to use "when you ______ it makes me feel _____" not things like "you don't love me " or you think I'm ugly". Those make people defensive.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:03 AM

I can relate.

Several years ago, I could have written your post, my dear.  After a lot of talking about the situation, it came to light that my husband had needs that I was not fulfilling, mainly because I didn't even know he had them!

He told me that he felt trapped by sex.  That he had to make me feel beautiful or something every time or he felt like a failure.  He felt completely responsible for my sexual gratification and that pressure just made him not want to have sex at all.

Once he shared all that with me, the course of action was clear to me.  I started demonstrating my independence sexually, I was responsible for my own self-esteem and orgasms, I took control and he loved it.

Now, he can't keep his hands off me.

Perhaps your husband has similar feelings?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:04 AM

At this point in my life and marriage, yes I'm okay with it. Don't get me wrong, our marriage went through very hard times for quite a few years because of it. I went through the same emotions as you and viewed men the same way. If you don't want me there must be something wrong with me. There are medications he can take to counter act the side effects of the medications he's on, but those medications come with side effects of their own that neither of us are comfortable with. I want my husband healthy and alive as long as possible, even if it means no sex. Of course I sit there sometimes and think, just do it to make me happy, at least pretend you want it, but I don't think in reality I'd be okay with knowing he's just faking it for me. I'm human, of course I still want it. I've just learned that there is so much more to our family than whether or not my husband and I have sex and those other things make up for it a lot.

Quoting Anonymous:

Are you really okay with that? I can understand your resolve because you obviously love your husband. Also, if it's a medication that causes this is there anything the doctors can do?

My husband has not always had the highest sex drive. It made me crazy during the first few years of our marriage. We were young when we got married and my past experience taught me that men always wanted sex. I had no idea what to do and I thought there was something wrong with me.

As we got older, and I came into my own as a woman, I finally just confronted him. As it turned out, he enjoys sex just as much as I do. It was long hours, exhausting work, and stress. Not to mention our not-so-healthy lifestyle. We've changed so much as individuals and it's strengthened us as a couple with helped us develop intimacy outside of the bedroom as well as in.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree with all of that, and I don't recommend a sexless marriage for everyone. In my marriage I don't have much choice and I've learned to be okay with that, for the sake of my marriage.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:37 AM
Some of you women are duuuuumb.
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