Though there are many extra details throughout the post, the final update is on page 17.
Thank you so much to those who were here when I needed someone.
My mother is visiting for four days. Today was the second day. She told me that she had randomly met someone at the grocery store while she was out. She said it had been forever and we had all parted ways on tense terms but it has been years so she thinks it would be nice if we mended the rifts and became friends again. What she doesn't know is when I was 12-14 he molested me multiple times a day, every day my mother was at work. Thank god he apparently had a vasectomy because it all caused me to start my period and I lost count of how many times he did it. My mother even had me sleep over at his house while she went on a vacation for almost a week. I never told her. I was young, stupid, ashamed, and afraid that other people would think I was a whore because I had had sex with a man more than 4 times my age.
So I flat out refuse to contact him and start freaking out that she might tell him where I am (When we moved I left him a note that if he ever came near me again he would go to jail but I know he looked for me). She naturally starts getting annoyed and thinks I'm being irrational and mean. She demands to know why. She doesn't stop asking and we argue so much that I finally shouted "because he molested me, mom!" She stands there looking stunned and, feeling very shaken by the knowledge that I can't un-say those words, tell her "Every time you left for more than 5 minutes he would have sex with me. Whenever you went to work it happened multiple times while you were gone. I don't want him anywhere near me ever again... much less (2 yo dd)"
She stared at me for a few minutes. My heart is pounding. I expected her to be understanding, even comforting, about this subject that I had never told to anyone. To ask why I never told her or that she was going to kill him or something. But no. She starts going off the deep end yelling "I fucking knew you were fucking him" and "I knew you were a fucking slut but I didn't know you were that fucking disgusting." After less than a minute of this crap, at the height of her tirade, I slapped her. I was so angry and hurt I just wanted to cry and I slapped her with every ounce of force I could muster. She shut up and before she could say anything I screamed at her to get out of my house. When she didn't move I shoved her and kept screaming it and shoving until she was out the door. I threw her crap out after her and sat down and cried. After a minute or two DD started crying I guess we must have woken her up from her nap. I did my best to calm down and went in after her. I looked out the window while I held her and my mother and her car were gone. I don't know where she is but I don't really care. She had plenty of money on her that she was going to spend on dd's Christmas shopping she could easily have gotten a room.
Now I can't sleep... I just keep replaying it over in my mind and it hurts more with every cycle. Yes in my teenage years I was promiscuous but I am no longer ashamed of that. I have worked very hard to get past my fucked up views on sex and find someone who makes me feel that sex and love actually do mix. What kind of fucking mother says that to their only daughter? She fucking knew it?!? She suspected that her daughter was having sex with a middle aged man and did fucking nothing? Here I half expected her to support me, maybe even help me find the strength to press charges like I've been talking to DH about. I can't believe this is what I got from her.