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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Five kids by five different dads. . .

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

. . .and she was never married to any of them. Two of them were guys she barely knew.

I have a friend who just had her fifth baby and this makes five babies by five different dads. I guess I'm just a little sad for the babies, she's still single and can't take care of them all, she's on PA, but she keeps letting herself get pregnant again and again. Why?

I just don't get it. I guess this is kind of a vent. I can't say all this to her, I don't want to upset her, but it's just getting ridiculous. Oh, and the kids all look very different, different races even. I wonder how they will feel about it when they're older. 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:31 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:59 PM

Actually that depends on your state.

Quoting sugarcrisp:

How's she been supporting herself and these kids throughout these 15 years? And don't say TANF because there's a max of 5 yrs you can get TANF in a LIFETIME.

Quoting Anonymous:

True, not my vagina. But my tax dollars do go towards supporting her. She hasn't worked in 15 years.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's her vagina, not yours.




sugarcrisp
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:59 PM

Wait so is it bad that I don't know where my son's bio father is? I'm pretty sure I know the state but can't even be positive about that. lmao..

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, actually that would make a difference to me. Her having five kids all by the same dad would mean she actually had some sort of relationship with the guy. She doesn't even know where 3 out of the 5 dads are. NONE of them pay child support or see their kids. That is freaking SAD.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm having my 4th to the 3rd Guy... who cares? Not your concern! Would you care less if it was your tax dollars and they all had the same dad?!



sugarcrisp
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:00 PM

No.. It's the federal cap. That's why they ask about being on TANF in any other states. And if you lie they find out (eventually) and you're in massive shit.

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually that depends on your state.

Quoting sugarcrisp:

How's she been supporting herself and these kids throughout these 15 years? And don't say TANF because there's a max of 5 yrs you can get TANF in a LIFETIME.

Quoting Anonymous:

True, not my vagina. But my tax dollars do go towards supporting her. She hasn't worked in 15 years.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's her vagina, not yours.





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:01 PM

Lol, sounds good to me! I'll have to bring it up to her. I think she didn't want her tubes tied because she has issues anyway, she's had several surgeries and worries about more.

Quoting Anonymous:

Non hormonal iud - paraguard. Good for 10 yrs.
Hormonal iud - mirena. Good for 5 yrs. I've had mine for over 3 yrs with no issues at all. I don't have a period anymore! I love it. And I don't have to remember a pill (which wouldn't work with the meds I'm on anyways), or any other bc. I love it because you think about it when its placed, then 5 or 10 yrs later when it needs to be replaced.

Is she opposed to having her tubed tied?

Quoting Anonymous:

I might need to bring it up again. I know she's not on anything. I talked to her about it a couple years ago (two kids ago) and she had issues with every single BC out there. She didn't want the hormones of pills, or the side effects of other things, she just had an excuse for everything. But, it's worth trying again!

Quoting Anonymous:

Have you talked to her about bc? I would suggest an iud. I have mirena and I works great. Or for her maybe getting her tubes tied (not because of finances, rather the 5 kids).



The kids will be questioned and probably made fun of, but they will stick together. They are brothers and sisters even if they have different dads.



As far as why...only she knows. Well, we all know. She's either not using bc or not using it correctly. Bring it up and ask her what's she's been thinking about. Tell her you've been considering changing yours and you know her ob should've just given her info on differen types of bc. See what she says and go from there.



Elyce225
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:01 PM
I know, I'm so grateful (as weird as it sounds) that my brother died (he OD'd from heroin) when he did cause my nephew was so young. My nephew's mother had a boyfriend within 2 months of my brother dying. The bf punched my nephew in his eye (remember my nephew was about 9 months) and gave him a black eye. That was the incident that finally made CPS take him.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's a blessing, poor little guy. I can't even imagine how devastating it would be if he had remembered any of that!

Quoting Elyce225:

Ugh I can go on and on but I'll spare you. We adopted my nephew, he is great. He was too young to remember anything that went on, thankfully. He does not see his mother or his siblings. I love him just like he is my own. All in all, for the life he was born into, the kid got very lucky.





Quoting Anonymous:

What the?? UGH! I guess it could be worse, man, that's just so awful!!!!

Quoting Elyce225:

This is how my nephew's mother was. My brother got her pregnant after knowing her for a week. She has 4 kids by all different men. My brother died when my nephew was 7 months. My mother got custody of him. I got custody of him now, have for a few years. She got her tubes tied thankfully. For the 7 months my nephew lived with them his older siblings took care of him. Just two though, she lost custody of the other two. The grandfather was there too, anally raping the 10 year old fully knowing he had AIDS.





Nice, right?






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Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:02 PM
Ive got a niece who has three kids by three different dads who are all illegal and all took off. She isnt raising any of them. Her dad has two amd her sister has one because she chose a guy who is a rwgistered sex offender over her kids and she just misscaried a fourth baby by him. It is so sad and upsets me that she is so stupid. That isnt her only issue I dont have enough space here to go into it all.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Yeah I have a friend thats worse then your friend. She has 6 kids, all different dads, is on PA, and lives in section 8 housing in a really bad area with all these kids, and none of the dads are apart of the children's lives. 

redvelvet42
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:03 PM

maybe there is a way to talk to her without sounding critical. you know her you know how to talk to her. where's her head? is she a survivor of abuse - domestic violence, rape/ molestation, or something? that woould send her out into the world searching for self-affirmation in the arms of so many different men.

no way am i trying to diagnose anything here. it's just it's unusual to have so many and from different races too. it just seems like she's running from something. and she cannot be doing it for the welfare in an attempt to get money and benefits without working because the welfare reform act of 1996 changed that whole welfare for a lifetime stuff that women used to get away with. now there are time limits for receiving assistance, and if you have an additional child before a previous child turns 2 yrs old the new baby cannot be added to your welfare account, which means that your money will not increase. the foodstamps and medicaid rolls will add the new baby but not the account that gives you money. so having a bunch of kids is not going to benefit her really unless she spaces her births just right. plus, there's a five year lifetime limit to receive welfare benefits, and you have to work, actively look for work, go to school, or volunteer in the human/ social service office in order to receive welfare. you also have to furnish information about each fathers so that the state can pursue child support on the mothers behalf, but as long as she receives welfare she will not receive all of the child support.

so, you're her friend. find away to talk to her about her situation. and try to offer some realistic suggestions to help her dig herself out of this situation.

PEEK05
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:03 PM

I have a cousin like that except he is male.  He has 11 children with many different women.  He is not with any of them and has to pay child support to all of them.  Since he doesn't make much money, the amount the kids get is so very little since it's spread out between so many kids.  He's nasty.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:04 PM
I may be wrong with this, but I think they can do it laproscopically now. Its 3 1" cuts. Easy recovery. But like I said, I may be wrong! She should talk to her ob about all her long term options for bc.

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol, sounds good to me! I'll have to bring it up to her. I think she didn't want her tubes tied because she has issues anyway, she's had several surgeries and worries about more.

Quoting Anonymous:

Non hormonal iud - paraguard. Good for 10 yrs.

Hormonal iud - mirena. Good for 5 yrs. I've had mine for over 3 yrs with no issues at all. I don't have a period anymore! I love it. And I don't have to remember a pill (which wouldn't work with the meds I'm on anyways), or any other bc. I love it because you think about it when its placed, then 5 or 10 yrs later when it needs to be replaced.



Is she opposed to having her tubed tied?



Quoting Anonymous:

I might need to bring it up again. I know she's not on anything. I talked to her about it a couple years ago (two kids ago) and she had issues with every single BC out there. She didn't want the hormones of pills, or the side effects of other things, she just had an excuse for everything. But, it's worth trying again!

Quoting Anonymous:

Have you talked to her about bc? I would suggest an iud. I have mirena and I works great. Or for her maybe getting her tubes tied (not because of finances, rather the 5 kids).





The kids will be questioned and probably made fun of, but they will stick together. They are brothers and sisters even if they have different dads.





As far as why...only she knows. Well, we all know. She's either not using bc or not using it correctly. Bring it up and ask her what's she's been thinking about. Tell her you've been considering changing yours and you know her ob should've just given her info on differen types of bc. See what she says and go from there.



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