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My ex is now trying to adopt children with his wife when he doesn't even take care of our child

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Do you think that someone who doesn't really parent a child he has should be allowed to adopt another child with his new wife? If it matters, I know his wife can't have children so I guess that's why they are trying to adopt.

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Yes

No


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Total Votes: 313

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I was contacted by an adoption agency saying that my ex (father of my child) is trying to adopt a child with his wife. The are checking into his background and I guess this includes children he already has. Now I am sure they will verify everything I told them with them with the courts but I told her that I was very shocked because he has very little to do with the child we have.

We had  a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two. So about a year ago, we went back to court and had the visitation changed to at my discretion (it was too much of a pain to sit around and wait to see if he wanted her every other weekend before we made plans).

I have to have him sign we he picks her up and drops her off and he makes his visitation requests in writing (via e-mail or text) so that he can prove when he asks. At this point, he is still only taking her 1 Saturday a month for a couple hours but any time he asks, I make sure she goes with him, that's just all he asks for. He also refuses to do any extras for her, he won't pay for any activities for her and maybe buys her one or two cheap gifts on Christmas (when he can afford way more then that).

She seemed very interested in what I had to say and I would fax her my records, which I said sure and she asked if she could contact me if she needed anything, which I said yes. The second I got off the phone with her, I called my uncle who is an attorney for an adoption agency, not that one though) to ask him if what I said will have any bearing in this. He said that it will be very easy to confirm my story and when the the agency does, their application will be immediately denied. I don't know if the agency will tell them why they have been denied but if they do I am sure he will raise hell about it.


Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Replies (291-300):
marihla
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:43 PM
By the way I, I also feel really bad for his new wife. She can't have children, then chooses this guy? Looks like her only chance at kids is leaving him.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

Ahh, okay. I totally agree!



Quoting marihla:

No, just the opposite. It should be illegal to adopt a child when you have a child that you don't care for.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

What should be illegal? Background/character checks?





Quoting marihla:

That should be illegal.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Ashleeduhh
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:46 PM
This!

Quoting Lordgodempress:

Telling the truth is a good thing,  I feel bad for his wife but at the same time she should not want to have kids with someone who doesnt take care of the ones he has.    If my DH only spent one weekend a month with his kids and could have them more, I wouldn't have married him,

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rory10
by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:49 PM

I'm surprised his wife wouldn't be trying to get him to spend more time with his own daughter before trying to addopt.  I think his lack of involvement this whole time should have bearing on if they can addopt. If he sincearly put more effort in to see your daughter then I don't see why he shouldn't be able to addopt if and when that happens.

kikibix
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this

  You did not go out of your way to contact this agency, they came to you.  I think it's always important to tell the truth.  I don't think a man who has little to do with his existing child should be adopting another.  It's unfortunate that his new wife  is in the situation she is but what did she expect marrying a man who rarely attempts to see his child? She knows what he's like.  She could also be a great stepmom is she so chooses but obviously she doesn't care enough about children to do that.  There are a ton of great people out there wanting to adopt and few local adoptable babies, let the ones who truly deserve it get first dibs not this selfish couple.

CeeGee81
by CanadaGirl on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this

The truth is the truth, you did the right thing.

uriahadel
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 5:57 PM
No you are wrong... if he doesn't take care of his biological child then what makes you think he will take care of a child that is not his biologically?? And if him and his wife ever divorces, he will be out the picture and that will be so unfair to that child...

I am saying this because I am an adopted child and yes I have both of my parents... I would have done the same thing she did...

He is a deadbeat father and he shouldn't be trying to adopt when he shows no interest for the child he already has... I feel bad for his wife, but no he doesn't need to be adopting any children, he doesn't even need to be having children


Quoting DieselsMom:

What you did is wrong.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MorganTho
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 6:00 PM
I disagree. What if he and his wife get divorced. Then that child will be left with only 1 involved parent.

Quoting DieselsMom:

What you did is wrong.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
So_Devious20
by Misha Lovegood<3 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 6:00 PM
You told the truth. She asked. You told.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
uriahadel
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 6:00 PM
That is actually what I was thinking


Quoting marihla:

By the way I, I also feel really bad for his new wife. She can't have children, then chooses this guy? Looks like her only chance at kids is leaving him.



Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

Ahh, okay. I totally agree!





Quoting marihla:

No, just the opposite. It should be illegal to adopt a child when you have a child that you don't care for.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

What should be illegal? Background/character checks?







Quoting marihla:

That should be illegal.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 44 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 6:00 PM
my husband abandoned his son from a previous relationship but adopted his exwife daughter.. tsk.. and he prides himself a good daddy. he is good with our kids though but if we separate he wont pursue our kids the way he does his daughters from his exwife.
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