Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My ex is now trying to adopt children with his wife when he doesn't even take care of our child

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Do you think that someone who doesn't really parent a child he has should be allowed to adopt another child with his new wife? If it matters, I know his wife can't have children so I guess that's why they are trying to adopt.

Options:

Yes

No


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 313

View Results

I was contacted by an adoption agency saying that my ex (father of my child) is trying to adopt a child with his wife. The are checking into his background and I guess this includes children he already has. Now I am sure they will verify everything I told them with them with the courts but I told her that I was very shocked because he has very little to do with the child we have.

We had  a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two. So about a year ago, we went back to court and had the visitation changed to at my discretion (it was too much of a pain to sit around and wait to see if he wanted her every other weekend before we made plans).

I have to have him sign we he picks her up and drops her off and he makes his visitation requests in writing (via e-mail or text) so that he can prove when he asks. At this point, he is still only taking her 1 Saturday a month for a couple hours but any time he asks, I make sure she goes with him, that's just all he asks for. He also refuses to do any extras for her, he won't pay for any activities for her and maybe buys her one or two cheap gifts on Christmas (when he can afford way more then that).

She seemed very interested in what I had to say and I would fax her my records, which I said sure and she asked if she could contact me if she needed anything, which I said yes. The second I got off the phone with her, I called my uncle who is an attorney for an adoption agency, not that one though) to ask him if what I said will have any bearing in this. He said that it will be very easy to confirm my story and when the the agency does, their application will be immediately denied. I don't know if the agency will tell them why they have been denied but if they do I am sure he will raise hell about it.


Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Replies (311-320):
AdellesMom
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:47 PM
What you stated is a possibility.

Quoting Anonymous:

Right. The new wife has no idea about the husband seeing his daughter once a month. She thinks he's golfing.



Quoting AdellesMom:

I love all of the assumptions here. How do you know that his new wife even knows about the OP? How do you know if the OP is telling the truth?





You don't.






Quoting Anonymous:

You did the right thing, OP. She should be encouraging him to nurture his relationship with his daughter, and she clearly isn't. Someone like that wouldn't make a good mother.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:48 PM

I know, right? She could have the chance to be a great stepmom, but douche canoe would have to step up and be a decent dad, first. I wouldn't hold my breath if I was her.

Quoting marihla:

By the way I, I also feel really bad for his new wife. She can't have children, then chooses this guy? Looks like her only chance at kids is leaving him.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

Ahh, okay. I totally agree!



Quoting marihla:

No, just the opposite. It should be illegal to adopt a child when you have a child that you don't care for.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

What should be illegal? Background/character checks?





Quoting marihla:

That should be illegal.



Alexis Emma 10-13-1999 - 13 years old
Kirsten Leslie 03-14-2004 - 8 years old
Sarah Mackenzie 08-14-2007 - 5 years old
Charlotte Amelia & Harmon David 04-12-2012 - 7 months old

mom2twins82
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:54 PM
His new wife could also be an amazing step mother if they tried. The Op was honest. What if the application was approved and ex got tired of the new baby?


Quoting Elly219:

 I get your feelings but it isnt just him that wants a child/baby. His new wife could be an amazing mother but now she may not get a chance.  This makes me sad! :(


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
marihla
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:01 PM
I agree. Also, "douche canoe!" Classic!

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

I know, right? She could have the chance to be a great stepmom, but douche canoe would have to step up and be a decent dad, first. I wouldn't hold my breath if I was her.

Quoting marihla:

By the way I, I also feel really bad for his new wife. She can't have children, then chooses this guy? Looks like her only chance at kids is leaving him.



Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

Ahh, okay. I totally agree!





Quoting marihla:

No, just the opposite. It should be illegal to adopt a child when you have a child that you don't care for.

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

What should be illegal? Background/character checks?







Quoting marihla:

That should be illegal.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
packermomof2
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:08 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

The man pays child support. Just because he doesn't take his kid as much as you would like, your going to stop him from being able to have a family of his own? Sounds like you have some personal f'd up issues of your own.


Is the kid he has now not his family?
NewMama28
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this
True but why then wouldn't she encourage more interaction with the existing child? You marry not only the person but all of their dirty laundry as well. It's something she should have considered before marrying him.

Op you did nothing wrong.


Quoting Elly219:

 I get your feelings but it isnt just him that wants a child/baby. His new wife could be an amazing mother but now she may not get a chance.  This makes me sad! :(

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
.Funfetti.
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:18 AM
3 moms liked this

You did the right thing in my opinion. 

And after reading 6 pages of answers I can't believe anyone would feel sorry for him or his new wife. It's not your problem if she won't get a child, she should have thought about that before marrying a deadbeat dad, I have zero sympathy for her or him. 

They called YOU, you were honest. How in the hell are you in the wrong? If they can easily prove that you said was the truth thru the court records, I just don't see what two sides there can be to the story, like other posters pointed out. 

If he can't be a dad to his BLOOD child, then fuck his chances of being a dad to someone else. Too fucking bad for him. 

packermomof2
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:24 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting brettsmomma:

You are taking her word for it on a post in cafemom. Im sure he has a different side. We will never know. 

Should your word be taken about your situation?  Or should we all assume you're a biased, bitter liar?  Maybe you weren't honest about what happened with your husband here, but I, like most others, will assume you are being honest because you live the life and it your story and we don't know - so assuming you're a liar isn't the right thing to do. Just like assuming the OP is one isn't right because she's an ex wife.

Quoting norwgnwood:

But your situations are different. Your husbands tried, hers did not.

Quoting brettsmomma:

thank you. I was afraid to share this information about my wonderful husband thinking a lot of women wouldn't think its possible. He tried MANY long years to establish an emotional bond but it simply was impossible. They were married young and the wife left him when his oldest was 3 months. He didn't even know about the youngest until a year later when HE TOOK HER TO COURT so he could set up child support and visitation for the first and was confronted with a dna order for the second. By then the daughter was born, his son was almost 2 years old and she was remarried living across the country. 

Quoting PennyLane2:

Its the same with my husband. His ex makes it impossible. She is a complete nut job. As for are kids we have together he is an amazing father. This post is very one sided and I can't believe how many are buying into the OPs baby mama drama.





Quoting brettsmomma:

My husband isn't emotionally involved with his two older children but is a great father to our child. He is older now and sees the importance in being a full time father. 






Anonymous
by Anonymous 50 on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:27 AM

You only told them the truth.  That's all that matters.

daiseymae2
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 1:38 AM
2 moms liked this
The adoption agency is trying to do what is best for the child. They have every right to know what the relationship prospective parents have with their other children. It's in the child's best interest. The right thing is to tell the truth.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN