My ex is now trying to adopt children with his wife when he doesn't even take care of our child
- 337 Replies
Poll
Question: Do you think that someone who doesn't really parent a child he has should be allowed to adopt another child with his new wife? If it matters, I know his wife can't have children so I guess that's why they are trying to adopt.
Total Votes: 313
I was contacted by an adoption agency saying that my ex (father of my child) is trying to adopt a child with his wife. The are checking into his background and I guess this includes children he already has. Now I am sure they will verify everything I told them with them with the courts but I told her that I was very shocked because he has very little to do with the child we have.
We had a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two. So about a year ago, we went back to court and had the visitation changed to at my discretion (it was too much of a pain to sit around and wait to see if he wanted her every other weekend before we made plans).
I have to have him sign we he picks her up and drops her off and he makes his visitation requests in writing (via e-mail or text) so that he can prove when he asks. At this point, he is still only taking her 1 Saturday a month for a couple hours but any time he asks, I make sure she goes with him, that's just all he asks for. He also refuses to do any extras for her, he won't pay for any activities for her and maybe buys her one or two cheap gifts on Christmas (when he can afford way more then that).
She seemed very interested in what I had to say and I would fax her my records, which I said sure and she asked if she could contact me if she needed anything, which I said yes. The second I got off the phone with her, I called my uncle who is an attorney for an adoption agency, not that one though) to ask him if what I said will have any bearing in this. He said that it will be very easy to confirm my story and when the the agency does, their application will be immediately denied. I don't know if the agency will tell them why they have been denied but if they do I am sure he will raise hell about it.
Fuck them. Dad needs to look after your child before bringing another one into his home.
Good point I suppose....
Quoting packermomof2:
Quoting brettsmomma:You are taking her word for it on a post in cafemom. Im sure he has a different side. We will never know.
Should your word be taken about your situation? Or should we all assume you're a biased, bitter liar? Maybe you weren't honest about what happened with your husband here, but I, like most others, will assume you are being honest because you live the life and it your story and we don't know - so assuming you're a liar isn't the right thing to do. Just like assuming the OP is one isn't right because she's an ex wife.
Quoting norwgnwood:
But your situations are different. Your husbands tried, hers did not.
Quoting brettsmomma:thank you. I was afraid to share this information about my wonderful husband thinking a lot of women wouldn't think its possible. He tried MANY long years to establish an emotional bond but it simply was impossible. They were married young and the wife left him when his oldest was 3 months. He didn't even know about the youngest until a year later when HE TOOK HER TO COURT so he could set up child support and visitation for the first and was confronted with a dna order for the second. By then the daughter was born, his son was almost 2 years old and she was remarried living across the country.
Quoting PennyLane2:
Its the same with my husband. His ex makes it impossible. She is a complete nut job. As for are kids we have together he is an amazing father. This post is very one sided and I can't believe how many are buying into the OPs baby mama drama.
Quoting brettsmomma:My husband isn't emotionally involved with his two older children but is a great father to our child. He is older now and sees the importance in being a full time father.
Legally?!?!?! What about this little girls feelings.
Quoting batmansgirl:
He takes care of the child, op stated he pays his child support. Legally he's doing all thats required of him.
Quoting Lordgodempress:
Telling the truth is a good thing, I feel bad for his wife but at the same time she should not want to have kids with someone who doesnt take care of the ones he has. If my DH only spent one weekend a month with his kids and could have them more, I wouldn't have married him,
Adoptees have already suffered the loss of their first mother. Many have abandonment issues because of it. The very last thing an adoptee needs is the possibility of being abandoned a second time. OP, you did the right thing, the agency needs to know this stuff.
Quoting onethentwins:Adoptees have already suffered the loss of their first mother. Many have abandonment issues because of it. The very last thing an adoptee needs is the possibility of being abandoned a second time. OP, you did the right thing, the agency needs to know this stuff.
I base my statement on books that have been written by adoptees, also by the words spoken by adoptees at adoptee support groups I have attended, and by psychologists that specialize in adoption issues. What do you base your blanket statement that "Most adopted children DO NOT go through that" on?
Quoting spooky415:
Most adopted children DO NOT go through that. What a ridiculously, blanket statement.
Quoting onethentwins:
Adoptees have already suffered the loss of their first mother. Many have abandonment issues because of it. The very last thing an adoptee needs is the possibility of being abandoned a second time. OP, you did the right thing, the agency needs to know this stuff.
your denying her a child too... i think its cruel
cause he has wronged your children doesnt mean he would treat a new child that way.
Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!