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My ex is now trying to adopt children with his wife when he doesn't even take care of our child

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Do you think that someone who doesn't really parent a child he has should be allowed to adopt another child with his new wife? If it matters, I know his wife can't have children so I guess that's why they are trying to adopt.

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No


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Total Votes: 313

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I was contacted by an adoption agency saying that my ex (father of my child) is trying to adopt a child with his wife. The are checking into his background and I guess this includes children he already has. Now I am sure they will verify everything I told them with them with the courts but I told her that I was very shocked because he has very little to do with the child we have.

We had  a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two. So about a year ago, we went back to court and had the visitation changed to at my discretion (it was too much of a pain to sit around and wait to see if he wanted her every other weekend before we made plans).

I have to have him sign we he picks her up and drops her off and he makes his visitation requests in writing (via e-mail or text) so that he can prove when he asks. At this point, he is still only taking her 1 Saturday a month for a couple hours but any time he asks, I make sure she goes with him, that's just all he asks for. He also refuses to do any extras for her, he won't pay for any activities for her and maybe buys her one or two cheap gifts on Christmas (when he can afford way more then that).

She seemed very interested in what I had to say and I would fax her my records, which I said sure and she asked if she could contact me if she needed anything, which I said yes. The second I got off the phone with her, I called my uncle who is an attorney for an adoption agency, not that one though) to ask him if what I said will have any bearing in this. He said that it will be very easy to confirm my story and when the the agency does, their application will be immediately denied. I don't know if the agency will tell them why they have been denied but if they do I am sure he will raise hell about it.


Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Replies (41-50):
LynBoz
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:53 AM
You did the right thing. He already has a child, he can't just pretend she doesn't exist and neglect her to play house with his new wife.
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randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you did the wrong thing at all.  He has no business adopting a child when he can't even bother to be a Dad to the one he made.  If his new wifey wants one so bad, she can divorce him and adopt as a single parent or find someone more fit to adopt.  They have these checks for a reason to ensure that the couple is fit enough to raise someone else's child.  Being an emotional deadbeat to his own flesh and blood proves he is not fit enough to raise a child not biologically his.

wymama610
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Frankly I think it's strange the adoption agency even contacted her. They should have researched the court docs and nothing more, as we all agree they would accurately show what has gone on. More often than not it seems exes have issues with each other, and their opinions and outlooks are swayed by those issues.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well they can verify through all the records that is not the case. She said she sends her kid with him whenever he asks... and she has proof of all of this which is how she didn't get held in contempt when he didn't have visitation.



Quoting wymama610:

Of course we are only getting your side of the story. For all we know, you could be a royal bitch putting him through hell. Some dads choose to walk rather than put up with psychopath exes........ I think I would have declined to talk to them. If they can easily research court docs, that's what they should do.
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batmansgirl
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:55 AM

Your missing the point. He is doing whats LEAGALLY required of him.

Quoting Lordgodempress:


Quoting batmansgirl:

He takes care of the child, op stated he pays his child support. Legally he's doing all thats required of him.

Quoting Lordgodempress:

Telling the truth is a good thing,  I feel bad for his wife but at the same time she should not want to have kids with someone who doesnt take care of the ones he has.    If my DH only spent one weekend a month with his kids and could have them more, I wouldn't have married him,


So if me as a mother only gave money to my kids and only saw them once a month, that makes me a good mother? and i should be allowed to adopt more?   I dont think so.     If he is allowed more visitation but chooses to not see his kids he is not being a good father to them.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:56 AM
I agree, I'm wondering if he put her down as a reference? That would not be smart lol

Quoting wymama610:

Frankly I think it's strange the adoption agency even contacted her. They should have researched the court docs and nothing more, as we all agree they would accurately show what has gone on. More often than not it seems exes have issues with each other, and their opinions and outlooks are swayed by those issues.



Quoting Anonymous:

Well they can verify through all the records that is not the case. She said she sends her kid with him whenever he asks... and she has proof of all of this which is how she didn't get held in contempt when he didn't have visitation.





Quoting wymama610:

Of course we are only getting your side of the story. For all we know, you could be a royal bitch putting him through hell. Some dads choose to walk rather than put up with psychopath exes........ I think I would have declined to talk to them. If they can easily research court docs, that's what they should do.
mammabear18
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:56 AM
That's the thing, we don't know the whole story. There's always two sides, the new wife obviously feel in love with this man and I can't judge her in anyway shape or form for what she does and doesn't put up with.

I will feel sorry for any women who is having a hard time being a mother, the gift of motherhood is something every women should be able to have.

Quoting Mychele:

How can you feel sorry for a woman who is ok with her husband being a deadbeat ? Seriously I don't understand you women.



Quoting mammabear18:

This. I feel very sad for the wife as well. :(





Quoting Elly219:

 I get your feelings but it isnt just him that wants a child/baby. His new wife could be an amazing mother but now she may not get a chance.  This makes me sad! :(

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SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Nothing wrong in telling them what you did, provided that what you said is the truth
You say he pays his CS most of the time so they will take that into consideration
"We had a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two"

But being you now change the visitation to your liking its also showing you are limiting his visits to his child too. So this may go either way. They may see it as a typical momma drama situation, like in most cases were the mother holds the child against the father. Lot of that going on and also preventing fathers from actually spending time with thier kids

If it boils down to time and money, he is living with her and is paying his CS to you and you also dont know their financial situation either, so it may work to their advantage in the end.
Never think you know whats going on behind their closed doors either.

You wont be the only one they will be talking to either, so if there is more good than bad on both their parts it may go well for them
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:58 AM
This is exactly what I was thinking.


Quoting wymama610:

Of course we are only getting your side of the story. For all we know, you could be a royal bitch putting him through hell. Some dads choose to walk rather than put up with psychopath exes........ I think I would have declined to talk to them. If they can easily research court docs, that's what they should do.

ihave1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:58 AM
1 mom liked this

 Really did you have to ruin the new wife's chances of having a child? 

Lordgodempress
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 11:59 AM


Quoting batmansgirl:

Your missing the point. He is doing whats LEAGALLY required of him.

Quoting Lordgodempress:

 

Quoting batmansgirl:

He takes care of the child, op stated he pays his child support. Legally he's doing all thats required of him.

Quoting Lordgodempress:

Telling the truth is a good thing,  I feel bad for his wife but at the same time she should not want to have kids with someone who doesnt take care of the ones he has.    If my DH only spent one weekend a month with his kids and could have them more, I wouldn't have married him,


So if me as a mother only gave money to my kids and only saw them once a month, that makes me a good mother? and i should be allowed to adopt more?   I dont think so.     If he is allowed more visitation but chooses to not see his kids he is not being a good father to them.


Well if that is all that was legally required of me, would I be a good mom?  No I wouldnt be,  Just paying a bill every month is not being a father and adoption agencies dont care about legal responsibility they care whether or not he is being a dad to his kids.   If he is not being a dad to his already existing kids, he wont be with the new one either. 

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