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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Okay, ladies. Retract your claws for a moment...

Posted by   + Show Post
And share your favorite joke. I am partial to jokes of the stupid or nerdy variety. My favorite at the moment is one I heard on "The Big Bang Theory".


A neutron walks into a bar and says, "How much for a drink?".

The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"


Share some jokes :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:14 PM
Replies (11-20):
norwgnwood
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:38 PM
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
thetrollcat
by Meow on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:39 PM

scratches my post

norwgnwood
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:41 PM
1 mom liked this
I was going to tell a gay joke but fuck it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tiggerbabie177
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

 My son shared one with me..Mind u he is only 7!!

Ask the person their name....then ask them what color is the sky...then ask them what is the opposite of down....

Name~ Shawndra

Sky~ Blue

Opp. of down~ Up

giving u~~ Shawndra blue(blew) up....lol....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Via my 5 year old:
Why didn't the skeleton ride the roller coaster?


He didn't have the guts!
TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:44 PM

A skeleton walks into a bar.  He tells the bartender, "I'd like a beer and a mop."

overweightmommy
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I can do "nerdy". World of Warcraft.

Q:What do you call a bathtub filled with druids and priests? 

A: A HOT tub full of bubbles.


You momma's so fat, I shadow stepped her and got a load screen.


Those are my top favorites. The first one has a couple of variations.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:18 PM
2 blondes sat on a porch.one blonde said to the other, what's further away Florida or the moon and the other blonde said The Moon DUH! You can't see Florida!
cjsix
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:24 PM

 

Quoting youknowimloved:

 

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.


 sidesplittinglaughter

youknowimloved
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 3:26 PM

I just read this one on facebook:

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location. 

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" R

eaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!" 

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. 

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... 

"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE........ ! !"
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