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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

my dh is making my decision a lot harder!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies
I told my dh several weeks ago that I wanted to go to marriage counceling because I am thinking about getting a divorce. He refused to go at FIRST, so i went without him. And after my first session when I came home. My kids were gone to the neighbors and he really wanted to TALK. I listened of course. He began to cry and tell me he doesnt want to lose me, and he knows he fucked up by cheating, and he knows he hasnt been the best husband to me, but his life would be incomplete without me, he wants us to get remarried and start all over!

And everything he was saying was what I wanted to hear. But frankly im really nervous because I feel he's only saying these things because he knows I'm serious about divorce and he's just trying to butter me up and then going to go back to his normal self once divorce leaves the table.

Honestly, I'm tired of being the breadwinner in my marriage. That's not how I was raised to be. That's not how I envisioned my life to be growing up. And after my waiting for him for 5 years to make a change. I'm ready to just let it go, I do really care about him and dont want to be alone with two kids after being with someone for so long. But I need more, I need to be in love again. I need to feel like I want to go home after work and not hit a bar first or smoke a cig or two first. He has completely made me think about trying our marriage all over again. But I'm to afraid to invest anymore time in him and not get anything I deserve from him. I'm progressing in my life, in our marriage, and he has been doing just enough for it to look like he's doing SOMETHING. And he just made my decision, and mind-set a lot harder and I'm not sure what to think about any of this.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
raye-chan
by Raye on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:45 AM
Try to get him into counseling with you.

Otherwise, I don't know what else to say :( good luck
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girlywifey
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:45 AM

Has he been a SAHD for the past 5 years? Was the affair a one time thing or was it an ongoing relationship?

pristine729
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:47 AM
Sorry to hear that. Cheating is a deal breaker for me.
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Eshadowgirl
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 If hes willing to TELL you this stuff..then he would be willing to do what it takes to make it right..Counseling is the first step. If he cant go WITH you and be part of marriage counseling, then I dont think Id be able to believe what he says. 

Actions speak louder than words. You need to do whats right for YOU. Hes a man and should step up if he wants to keep you.

I wouldnt take divorce off the table. I would be proactive bout going to counseling ...and if he wants to go with...then great. If not, then its for YOU so you can mature and move forward...with or without him

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:52 AM
He'd have to really step up and prove himself before I'd listen to any crying. I've been through it and they are all so good at saying what needs to be said without any intention of living it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:54 AM
He has been a sahd for 2 years, worked pt for 2 years, and then worked ft for a yr. He's affair was a one time thing that he told me about during an argument we were having a yr ago.


Quoting girlywifey:

Has he been a SAHD for the past 5 years? Was the affair a one time thing or was it an ongoing relationship?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:55 AM
My counselor said that he wanted to do a few sessions with me alone and then add dh later. Dh doesnt like that very much at all.


Quoting Eshadowgirl:

 If hes willing to TELL you this stuff..then he would be willing to do what it takes to make it right..Counseling is the first step. If he cant go WITH you and be part of marriage counseling, then I dont think Id be able to believe what he says. 


Actions speak louder than words. You need to do whats right for YOU. Hes a man and should step up if he wants to keep you.


I wouldnt take divorce off the table. I would be proactive bout going to counseling ...and if he wants to go with...then great. If not, then its for YOU so you can mature and move forward...with or without him


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 9, 2012 at 6:57 AM
My counselor told me he wanted to do a few sessions with me alone and then bring dh into it. Dh doesnt like that idea at all. He says "what marriage counselor only wants to speak with only one person in a marriage?" Because now he's willing to go.


Quoting raye-chan:

Try to get him into counseling with you.



Otherwise, I don't know what else to say :( good luck

girlywifey
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:00 AM

I would try the counseling but like a pp said I would not take divorce off the table.

Peaceful.chaos
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:00 AM
I couldn't and wouldn't stay with someone who betrayed me.
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