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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

ask him to take DS?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

my ex's family always has a christmas party for the family. we were invited, but it was before we broke up. ex isnt DS's biological dad. i'm not going to go- among our many issues, one of mine is that i dont feel welcomed there. they always make me feel welcomed, but its just that feeling you cant shake, ya know. (pretty sure its just me though- i dont feel accepted by my own biological family)

DS wants to go. he wanted to go to the thanksgiving party and ex took him, even though that was the beginning of our break up.


lately, DS has been asking to go to the party with ex... i told him we'll talk about it later. idk if i should ask ex if he'd take him... or if i should tell DS to ask him... or if i should just tell DS that he isnt going- end of discussion.


ex's mom kinda knows whats going on, although she's only said 'i like her (meaning me) and i accepted DS'... not sure if 'I' meant ex or his mom... she's also very disappointed that it turned out this way.

DS is 7 years old and understands that we arent together anymore, but we both love him dearly.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kitchen.ninja
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:06 AM
How long were you with the ex?
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RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:08 AM

idk, i think it depends on the relationship your ds has with your ex. i have let my youngest go with my ex because he invited her and our kids we have together along even though she is not his, like to get ice cream or what not.  when i first moved nearer to him, him and his family had a party for our son and he invited her too and she went then.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:10 AM

5 years. the last 3 years, all three of us would go to their family functions together- minus this past thanksgiving

Quoting kitchen.ninja:

How long were you with the ex?


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:12 AM

they have a pretty good relationship. ex will come over, pick up DS and go take him to dinner, or to the playground or bowling or whatever. its usually every few days that they'll go out, just the two of them... but it was like that during the relationship- not as much during the relationship since ex was always around and there for him... but even during, they'd plan special guy time and do stuff, just the two of them

Quoting RoseBlossom:

idk, i think it depends on the relationship your ds has with your ex. i have let my youngest go with my ex because he invited her and our kids we have together along even though she is not his, like to get ice cream or what not.  when i first moved nearer to him, him and his family had a party for our son and he invited her too and she went then.


Grandma.grandma
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:13 AM
1 mom liked this
Let him go just ask ex
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RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:13 AM

well if ex's family is ok with it, and ex invited him too, i dont see why there would be a problem to let son go. you can have a girls night in watching movies n such lol

Quoting Anonymous:

they have a pretty good relationship. ex will come over, pick up DS and go take him to dinner, or to the playground or bowling or whatever. its usually every few days that they'll go out, just the two of them... but it was like that during the relationship- not as much during the relationship since ex was always around and there for him... but even during, they'd plan special guy time and do stuff, just the two of them

Quoting RoseBlossom:

idk, i think it depends on the relationship your ds has with your ex. i have let my youngest go with my ex because he invited her and our kids we have together along even though she is not his, like to get ice cream or what not.  when i first moved nearer to him, him and his family had a party for our son and he invited her too and she went then.



kitchen.ninja
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:13 AM
Oh so your ds is super close.

Honestly in your shoes I would ask myself if the situation would be awkward in 5 years from now. Like will this lead to issues when your ex is with someone else or how would your future SO a feel about it.

Good luck!


Quoting Anonymous:

5 years. the last 3 years, all three of us would go to their family functions together- minus this past thanksgiving

Quoting kitchen.ninja:

How long were you with the ex?



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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:19 AM

should i ask, or let DS ask? idk if i should tell DS not to mention it to ex- i dont want him to feel obligated to take DS.

Quoting Grandma.grandma:

Let him go just ask ex


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:28 AM

honestly- i'm secretly hoping that we'll come back together one day. i'm pretty sure its a long shot- i know i fucked things up very badly and i'm not sure HOW we'll get there.. but i do hope that we get there.

but if we dont come back together... honestly, i think that DS will always view ex as his father figure. not his biological one, but a very important role in his life. if i get with somebody else, down the road, he'd have to be okay with the fact that my son has a relationship with somebody else... no different than if his dad was around and had visitations and all that. (and hopefully if ex values his relationship with DS, the same would go for any woman he's with later in life)

i know right now- we're doing it for the benefit of DS. ex's sister (cousin technically)-- her mom died when she was my son's age (7 years old) and her mom's boyfriend (together her whole life) took her out once, promised to come around then dropped off the face of the world. couldnt find him for nothing... she's mid-20's and still dealing with that abandonment issue... her life is hell; trying to find somebody who wont leave her, but its putting herself in very bad positions.

if DS is ever at the point where he's ready to let their relationship go, i'll support him and be there for him. if he decides to never let ex go, wants to view him as whatever he views him as (a father figure, male role model- whatever), i'll support him and be there for him too. if ex decides that he cant continue it, then i know we'll both sit down with DS and explain the situation to him and answer any questions he has (as we did regarding our break up).

Quoting kitchen.ninja:

Oh so your ds is super close.

Honestly in your shoes I would ask myself if the situation would be awkward in 5 years from now. Like will this lead to issues when your ex is with someone else or how would your future SO a feel about it.

Good luck!


Quoting Anonymous:

5 years. the last 3 years, all three of us would go to their family functions together- minus this past thanksgiving

Quoting kitchen.ninja:

How long were you with the ex?




Grandma.grandma
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:06 AM
I think u should ask , just incase your ds can't go .


Quoting Anonymous:

should i ask, or let DS ask? idk if i should tell DS not to mention it to ex- i dont want him to feel obligated to take DS.

Quoting Grandma.grandma:

Let him go just ask ex



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