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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No bashing please. I need to say this...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I made a post earlier titled I can't do this anymore. It talked about some problems me and dh were having. I don't know how many of you saw it. A lot happened in the time I made the post. I told some of it in the comments.

It started off I was upset. It's been a long day and dh had told me he wanted tonight to just be a me and him night. Well when I went to lay dd down for bed he snuck off to go see his brother. So I got even more upset. His brother is leaving in the morning to go back to washington. He was just here visiting. Dh was supposed to get up in the morning to see him off. I wouldn't have been so upset had he not just got done telling me he wanted to spend time with me tonight since he's been being an ass and we've been fighting a lot. So He comes back and than starts being mean to me because of it, I finally get fed up and tell him that I can't do this anymore and that I want to leave. So he gets irrate and tells me he is going to leave and that he wants nothing to do with the baby (I am pregnant) or dd. He than said that he was going to try to say that I cheated on him and the baby wasn't his so that he wouldn't have to pay child support or have anything to do with the baby. (dd is not his biologically) He than started talking crap and telling me how much of a bad parent I am. I lost my temper and slapped him. I didn't mean to. I know I shouldn't have but I just lost it for a second. He than pushed me and hit me on my arm and leg. I pick up my phone and call my mom and he grabs his keys and leaves. My mother can't really do anything since she is in another state and has absolutely no money but she did manage to calm me down. Dh comes back a little while later. We argue a little while longer. He goes to the kitchen makes a snack. When he comes back he is calmed down. He says he is sorry he hit me that he never should have done that. We start talking. He says he does want to see the baby and dd that he does not want to abandon them. He also says he does love me but he does not think that we should be together.  He wants things to end on good terms. So it gets quiet because I just don't know what to say so I'm just sitting there crying. He starts rubbing my leg and trying to hug me but I'm tel;ing him not to. I ask him why he's acting like that if we're not going to be together anymore and he says that just because we're not together doesn't mean he doesn't care and he doesn't love me.

He's asleep now, I can't sleep. I don't know what to do. He has NEVER done anything like this before. Sure we have our fights but who doesn't? He's never done anything like he did tonight. Normally he's really sweet. We've had it rough here recently but we always make it work. He always makes sure dd and I have what we need. He's said some mean things before. He's an asshole when he gets mad but it's never gotten anywhere near what happened tonight. 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:51 AM
Replies (31-39):
Iron_Beauty
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:58 AM

Honestly, I would let it sit for the night, don't make any rash decisions, and then tomorrow, after he has gone and done what he needs to do for the day, just sit down and calmly talk.

ASK him, if he really thinks you should split, and if that is what he wants, just be happy he is still agreeing to be a part of your life at all.

3gr8tKids
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:59 AM
Quoting Anonymous:




oh OK. That's a long time. I am very sorry you've hit this bump. Best wishes!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:03 AM

I'm glad your dd is ok now!! And I hope you are right. Hopefully he will have calmed down tomorrow and we can actually talk...

Quoting Anonymous:

I only ask myself a family member n a best friend.have been through the same thing as well and we were all dating capricorns. So I had to see if it was a capricorn thing its like a inside thing between the three of us. My dd is doing great now tho it was scary n realy preventable back then. Trust me if u know in yur heart he loved u as u did him he WILL be back. I wasted so many years on one man n I put up with so many things becayse I thought he wouldnt come back but he did afyer Ignored him and basically just ok bye. N now hes different hes caring n loving n have been that way for 5 years straight we been togetjer for 8 seprerated for alomst a year. He will come back .


Quoting Anonymous:

Can I ask what personal reasons? What do I do if he leaves and doesn't come back? I'm just really confused right now. Especially with lack of sleep catching up. 

Is your dd ok now? 

Quoting Anonymous:

Ok I just needed to know for personal reasons .. So get this when I was 7 mos preg I slpped dh too close to the same reason wed been arguing he leaves for hours to avoid fixing the problems n goes off with his brother etc.... Well whe I slapped him he pushed me I fell I went into premature labor daughter was in the nicu for a month. Was I wrong yes was he wrong hell yes. Regardless its wrong and UNHEALTHY to be in a relationship with a person who brings out that side of anger in u. This may been the first time but here is the bad part the boundry of physical altercations has been broken.the next time the two of you get angry slapping and arm n leg hitting will not be the worse it will only increase.now u can say ok ill get counseling but if he isnt fully openinded to going ur just wasting money. Let him leave call his bluff the best way to get through to a man is to completley become care free. It may take time but hell realize what he said n how he acted qas selfish n ignorant mean while focus on u n ur baby have a healthy pregnancy without the stress. then think about the relationahip after.





Quoting Anonymous:

Gemini....???

Quoting Anonymous:

Before I dig in to this post one very off topic question what his sign zodiac I mean?







DarlaHood
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:07 AM

Honestly, as hard as it is, this doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.  If both of you were equally committed to making it a healthy relationship, that might work.  And truthfully you both should be committed to that since you both made the decision to have unprotected sex and now have a child hanging in the balance.  And your dd also has attached to him as well, whether she's his bio child or not.

BUT, he has told you flat out that he is NOT committed.  And no matter how hard that is, you have to listent to what he's telling you.  If you try to force him to stay, he will be nasty and resentful.  And his ego obviously can't take the possibility that YOU are gonna leave HIM.  (Doesn't make sense that his ego can take the possibility that he just gave up on his marriage and child, which in my book makes him a loser.  Yet, apparently he has no problem walking away as long as he remains the one who dumps you.  

So you have to hear what he's telling you, and you have to start looking out for your best interests, and that of your children.  If you feel unloved and powerless, that does escalate anger (because really inside it hurts deeply, and it's hard not to lash out).  But lashing out is leading you both into danger.  You do NOT want any domestic violence situation or pattern developing for you or your kids.  And believe it or not, even your unborn child has a physiological reaction to your fighting.  Living in that can change the way your kids' brains, neural connections, and temperaments develop.  Contrary to kids being too young to know what's going on, research shows such strife and emotional turmoil dramatically affects the development of babies, toddlers, and young children.  

Get some legal advice and representation, and do what you have to do to put one step in front of the other and keep moving forward.  I know it is hard.  I've been in your shoes.  But you and your kids deserve someone who couldn't imagine life without you.  And you will never have that person until you move out of this relationship that is not working and evaluate what went right and what went wrong so you can make better choices in the future.  I'm really so sorry for you.  It is heartbreaking, and angering, and hurtful.  Remember you have the love of your children, and they are your world.  Hang on to that and find some support.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:09 AM

He gets cranky a lot. Especially because of other people. And he does start being kinda hateful. He always says he doesn't know why he does it. Normally I blow it off because it's never really bad. Until tonight of course. It's never come anyone near being this bad.

Quoting mss119:

Sounds a lot like my xh. He was very rarely physically abusive, but was verbally and emotionally abusive anytime he got mad, whether it was me he was mad at or not. You says he's an asshole when he's angry, how often is that? Does he usually apologize, or just claim he can't control it or something else placing the blame elsewhere? I left my xh and have much Happier since, but only you can know what's best for your family.


3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:34 AM
1 mom liked this
This is exactly why we should NOT say harsh things during the heat of the moment. This could've ended badly for both of you. I see you said he apologized for hitting you back, but did you apologize for hitting him too?



I suggest you two get into marriage counseling ASAP & before any drastic life-changing decision is made.



Hugs and hopefully you guys can work past this.
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lalaboosh
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:02 AM
I don't put too much stock in astrology, but a few things are pretty true for me. Geminis drive me crazy, other cancers are my besties, and virgos are fantastic. Lol.



Quoting Anonymous:

Lol. Does it really matter what your sign is? I don't know anything about that lol. All I know is he is gemini so is dd. And I am scorpio.

That's it. 

Quoting lalaboosh:

Oh, god RUN! LOL! Sorry, but as a cancer I just can't do geminis!!!! I almost married one, it almost killed me.



Quoting Anonymous:

Gemini....???

Quoting Anonymous:

Before I dig in to this post one very off topic question what his sign zodiac I mean?






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Sammi20
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:26 AM

I don't know what to tell you it sounds like you need to move out and be away from each other.. He said it strait out he wants to get along but he doesn't want to be together.. you said you don't want to be together... leave on good terms... then the kids can still have you both... just not at the same time :/ Maybe its just hormones and everything will change when you have the baby? Good luck hun I hope it all works out.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:35 AM
I did not apologize for hitting him. I plan to when he gets home from work today.
I will talk to him about counseling but I don't know what he will say. Especially since we can't afford it.

Quoting 3xangel:

This is exactly why we should NOT say harsh things during the heat of the moment. This could've ended badly for both of you. I see you said he apologized for hitting you back, but did you apologize for hitting him too?





I suggest you two get into marriage counseling ASAP & before any drastic life-changing decision is made.





Hugs and hopefully you guys can work past this.
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