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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Men Get No Choice?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Fair?

Options:

Yes

No

Other explain!


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 137

View Results

Here's a question:


Man and women get pregnant. One night stand condom broke whatever they tried to prevent it pregnancy but it didn't work out. Man wants her to get abortion or adoption she wants the kid. He's not interested in being a father but she won't allow him to sign off his rights. 

She forced him to be a 'father' by putting his name on the BC. 

If I've got this right then by most CM standers he's a POS father because he didn't want the kid to start and has no options or say in his ability to be a father or not. Mother can rape him over with child support etc and she's supported to do so. 


Now switch it. Women doesn't want the kid. Gives the kid up for adoption (without telling the father period) or has an abortion. Father doesn't get a choice.

No one takes shit out on the mother when she has her choices to make and makes them. But a man is forced into whatever choice the women makes not being able to sign off his rights or just walk away without him being an asshole or a jerk. What if there's real reason he wants or needs to walk away? Is this fair?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:06 AM
Replies (141-150):
Johariz
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Not true. My husbands mother put the fathers name on the bc. He doesn't even know my dh exists. I filled out both if my kids bc's, my dh didn't have to sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.



Life isn't fair, deal with it!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:31 AM

I don't believe it's fair. I think a man should have the option just stay or walk away just like a woman gets the option. 

I know if my children's father was so set on not being their father anymore, and requested to sign his rights over on the conditions that i wouldn't go after him for support, then i would gladly let him. It's sad the kids would have to grow up without him, but they will know who cares about them and who stayed by their side. 

And i wouldn't push a guy into raising a baby if he got me pregnant. It would be totally up to him to stay or walk away. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:54 AM
*sigh*

I never said both parties were not responsible for protecting themselves.


If men could "abort" and walk away from an unwanted child, i bet women would think more before opening their legs. As it stands, a woman can force a man into 18 years of financial support. He had no say, and that's not right!!
If a man could walk away, maybe women would be.more careful.

Quoting Anonymous:

What? Is it not called " sleeping around" when a man does it? Talk about your double standerds.  You know there is another reason for having sex, right? In addition to the fun and pleasure, it is also meant to create life. So, just like women, men should also take precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.  Women are ridiculed for an unplanned pregnancy, because they slept around and didn't take 'all' the nessecary precautions to prevent the pregnancy.  Its always the same argument. They were a slut, they should have been on birth control because they know how effective,or ineffective condoms are.  Men should know that too.  They should know how effective condoms are.  They should take extra measures on their part, to ensure that they wont slip up.   If you really sincerely don't want something to happen, you should always look out for yourself, and not leave it up to someone else to do it for you.  Especially if you are not sure if that person is even capable of being responsible for themselves. If they are not responsible for their own, how can they be responsible for someone else?  That is why it is just as much the mans fault as it is the women.  They chose to have sex with someone that they obviously didn't know all too well. And now people want to feel sorry for them and give them a free pass for doing the same thing that the women did.  Only she is being blamed for it and he gets off Scot free.  That is not right.  And like I said in another comment, the only real victim here is the unwanted child

Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe if men could "abort" and sign away rights no questions, no strings attatched, women wouldn't be so quick to sleep around+ hmm.



Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting celestegood:

This is how it is.





Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.







Life isn't fair, deal with it!

That is exactly my point. There are tons of examples that we can use to turn the tables.  And I agree that until men ( actual male born men) can carry and give birth to a child, I might be more sympathetic to this issue.  Until then, I can't be.  That would mean that, not only can men sleep around and not be looked at and ridiculed for being a skank or a whore, but people want to also give them a free pass on getting a women pregnant. So men should be able to sleep around without any consequences whatsoever.  And women should just deal with, not only being labeled as a slut or skank, but also having to raise a child on her own.  If you REALLY want to talk about being unfair? How can you say THAT is fair?  How is that not considered a double standard?    How "unfair" is it to the child?  Thats what people really need to look at.  The child is the real victom here. The man and women were both two consenting , yet irresponsible adults.   The child didn't ask for any of this. And yet people say that the man should just be allowed to bail on him/her?  It seems like people really have their priorities screwed up somewhere. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:01 PM

Was he your husband when you filled it out? Was your husbands mother married to his father at the time?  If not, she was probably able to do it because back then they didn't have the paternity laws like we do now.  Now days in most states, if you are not a legally married couple, the man has to sign a right to paternity paper, before he can be added to the childs birth certificate.  If you are married, one is not needed, unless it is proven by DNA that he is not the BIO father.  This is a fairly new law. Like in my state, I don't even think it was around when my cousin had her first child, back in '99.  My sons father had to fill it out when he was born in '04.

Quoting Johariz:

Not true. My husbands mother put the fathers name on the bc. He doesn't even know my dh exists. I filled out both if my kids bc's, my dh didn't have to sign.

Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.



Life isn't fair, deal with it!


Johariz
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:02 PM
Yes, we were married. No, his mother was not.

Quoting Anonymous:

Was he your husband when you filled it out? Was your husbands mother married to his father at the time?  If not, she was probably able to do it because back then they didn't have the paternity laws like we do now.  Now days in most states, if you are not a legally married couple, the man has to sign a right to paternity paper, before he can be added to the childs birth certificate.  If you are married, one is not needed, unless it is proven by DNA that he is not the BIO father.  This is a fairly new law. Like in my state, I don't even think it was around when my cousin had her first child, back in '99.  My sons father had to fill it out when he was born in '04.

Quoting Johariz:

Not true. My husbands mother put the fathers name on the bc. He doesn't even know my dh exists. I filled out both if my kids bc's, my dh didn't have to sign.



Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.





Life isn't fair, deal with it!


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Hot_Badonkadonk
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:05 PM

 LOVE IT!!

Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.

Life isn't fair, deal with it!

 



SpiritedWitch
by Froggie on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:07 PM

"Man and women get pregnant." 

Really? Didn't realize that science had progressed that far already. How does that work?

Woman's body, her choice to risk her health. Do you realize that men used to force women to continue their pregnancy, whether or not they wanted it? A woman didn't matter, just the offspring in her belly. If she died, she died. They would just get another breeder. Was that fair? No and women have worked hard to change that. 

Based on this line of thinking, do you think a rapist should be able to demand that the woman he raped continue the pregnancy and then fight her for custody? If you want it "fair" that men should have their say in whether she carries or terminates, then you are opening that door and setting women's rights back 100s of years.

As for his name on the birth certificate, when my son was born, they asked me if I wanted the father's name on it and we were married. I could have left it blank if I had wanted. He wasn't there and wasn't required to be there when I signed it. Matter of fact, the only signature on the birth certificates is the mother's. 

I'm on the fence about the child support and the reason goes back to the rapist example. Do you make a rapist pay? That opens the door for him to demand visitation. Keeps him in her life. Ask yourself if you would want continued interaction with your rapist. 

Now, if the father is demanding (trying to demand) that she keep it, the hell yes he should be paying his share of raising the child(ren). 

almondpigeon
by Ruby Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:10 PM

What do you mean "no woman can sign a father on the birth certificate"?  i've filled out the birth certificates for all my kids & i've never had an issue with signing dad's name. we are married, so that may make it a little different, but i've never been asked to have him present or anything.

Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.

Life isn't fair, deal with it!


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:15 PM

I never said it wasn't a double standard. But you reap what you sew.  The child should not be the one to suffer because two people can't get their sh*t straight. And as a PP stated before, life isn't fair.  People should really get over it. Yes women have more of a right when it comes to deciding if she wants to have or keep a baby.  It's her body. If a man doesn't want a child, he should be careful who he sleeps around with. Also, the man forced himself into 18 yrs of financial support for being just as irresponsible as the women.   Since when is it so horrible to have to deal with consequences of your actions?   If you are a man that sleeps around with women, You are bound to plant your seed somewhere, at some point.  Being that, that is the main  purpose of having sex, is to procreate.  If  he doesn't want it to happen, he should do something more to protect himself.  Then he wouldn't have to deal with the unfairness of not only the law, but the laws of basic nature.

Quoting Anonymous:

*sigh*

I never said both parties were not responsible for protecting themselves.


If men could "abort" and walk away from an unwanted child, i bet women would think more before opening their legs. As it stands, a woman can force a man into 18 years of financial support. He had no say, and that's not right!!
If a man could walk away, maybe women would be.more careful.

Quoting Anonymous:

What? Is it not called " sleeping around" when a man does it? Talk about your double standerds.  You know there is another reason for having sex, right? In addition to the fun and pleasure, it is also meant to create life. So, just like women, men should also take precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.  Women are ridiculed for an unplanned pregnancy, because they slept around and didn't take 'all' the nessecary precautions to prevent the pregnancy.  Its always the same argument. They were a slut, they should have been on birth control because they know how effective,or ineffective condoms are.  Men should know that too.  They should know how effective condoms are.  They should take extra measures on their part, to ensure that they wont slip up.   If you really sincerely don't want something to happen, you should always look out for yourself, and not leave it up to someone else to do it for you.  Especially if you are not sure if that person is even capable of being responsible for themselves. If they are not responsible for their own, how can they be responsible for someone else?  That is why it is just as much the mans fault as it is the women.  They chose to have sex with someone that they obviously didn't know all too well. And now people want to feel sorry for them and give them a free pass for doing the same thing that the women did.  Only she is being blamed for it and he gets off Scot free.  That is not right.  And like I said in another comment, the only real victim here is the unwanted child

Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe if men could "abort" and sign away rights no questions, no strings attatched, women wouldn't be so quick to sleep around+ hmm.



Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting celestegood:

This is how it is.





Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.







Life isn't fair, deal with it!

That is exactly my point. There are tons of examples that we can use to turn the tables.  And I agree that until men ( actual male born men) can carry and give birth to a child, I might be more sympathetic to this issue.  Until then, I can't be.  That would mean that, not only can men sleep around and not be looked at and ridiculed for being a skank or a whore, but people want to also give them a free pass on getting a women pregnant. So men should be able to sleep around without any consequences whatsoever.  And women should just deal with, not only being labeled as a slut or skank, but also having to raise a child on her own.  If you REALLY want to talk about being unfair? How can you say THAT is fair?  How is that not considered a double standard?    How "unfair" is it to the child?  Thats what people really need to look at.  The child is the real victom here. The man and women were both two consenting , yet irresponsible adults.   The child didn't ask for any of this. And yet people say that the man should just be allowed to bail on him/her?  It seems like people really have their priorities screwed up somewhere. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:25 PM

It means that women who are not married to the father, can not sign the fathers name to the BC without  a right to paternity being filled out by the father, first. Basically it is a piece of legal paper, stating that the supposed father is willing to legally take on the responsibility of the child as co-parent, and that he is signing the paper on good faith that the child is indeed his own.    Married couples do not need this paper, as it is implied that he is the bio father of the child by law.

Quoting almondpigeon:

What do you mean "no woman can sign a father on the birth certificate"?  i've filled out the birth certificates for all my kids & i've never had an issue with signing dad's name. we are married, so that may make it a little different, but i've never been asked to have him present or anything.

Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.

Life isn't fair, deal with it!



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