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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Men Get No Choice?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: Fair?

Options:

Yes

No

Other explain!


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 137

View Results

Here's a question:


Man and women get pregnant. One night stand condom broke whatever they tried to prevent it pregnancy but it didn't work out. Man wants her to get abortion or adoption she wants the kid. He's not interested in being a father but she won't allow him to sign off his rights. 

She forced him to be a 'father' by putting his name on the BC. 

If I've got this right then by most CM standers he's a POS father because he didn't want the kid to start and has no options or say in his ability to be a father or not. Mother can rape him over with child support etc and she's supported to do so. 


Now switch it. Women doesn't want the kid. Gives the kid up for adoption (without telling the father period) or has an abortion. Father doesn't get a choice.

No one takes shit out on the mother when she has her choices to make and makes them. But a man is forced into whatever choice the women makes not being able to sign off his rights or just walk away without him being an asshole or a jerk. What if there's real reason he wants or needs to walk away? Is this fair?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:06 AM
Replies (151-160):
kissmiss213
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:30 PM

if he made it clear from the very beginning then why would you put his name on the certificate? i dont get that. and why can't he sign off on his rights if she does do that? i would rather have NO father in the picture then deal with a pos. just my feelings. and if he wants the kid and she doesnt, then he should be top priority in giving the child up for adoption.

LectioDivina
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Men do have a choice, it just comes at a different time in the scenario....

Balls are not just open wounds spilling sperm out all over the floor and someone might accidentally end up pregnant by slipping in it...


He is deciding to put his sperm in a woman.



That's like putting batter in the oven and being shocked if a cake starts baking

Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:33 PM

Well then you see the diffrences between you and your MIL situation VS that one. You were married to him, so you could put his name on the BC without his consent.  His mother had him at a time where there were no such laws in place to keep women from being able to place any random man on their child's BC. ;)

Quoting Johariz:

Yes, we were married. No, his mother was not.

Quoting Anonymous:

Was he your husband when you filled it out? Was your husbands mother married to his father at the time?  If not, she was probably able to do it because back then they didn't have the paternity laws like we do now.  Now days in most states, if you are not a legally married couple, the man has to sign a right to paternity paper, before he can be added to the childs birth certificate.  If you are married, one is not needed, unless it is proven by DNA that he is not the BIO father.  This is a fairly new law. Like in my state, I don't even think it was around when my cousin had her first child, back in '99.  My sons father had to fill it out when he was born in '04.

Quoting Johariz:

Not true. My husbands mother put the fathers name on the bc. He doesn't even know my dh exists. I filled out both if my kids bc's, my dh didn't have to sign.



Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.





Life isn't fair, deal with it!



Anonymous
by Anonymous 31 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:38 PM
What about the man who's name a woman puts on the birth certificate whithout his knowledge and now he is stuck with cs for a child that isn't his? He HAS to pay it to keep his liscense and stay out of jail, is THAT fair?
BeingMamaIsLife
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:38 PM

They do get a choice but most the time the woman doesn't respect it.
If he doesn't want to be a father then he doesn't have to be and I think the mother should respect that. All she has to do it not put his name on the birth certificate or anything. That way she isn't forcing him to pay child support or having to be apart of the child's life. Much better than him forcing her to do a preocedure that could kill her and WILL kill the baby.

Johariz
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:45 PM
I just asked a friend if mine who had a baby two months ago what she put in the bc. She is not married to the father, he wasn't even in the same state when the baby was born. She put his name on the bc.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well then you see the diffrences between you and your MIL situation VS that one. You were married to him, so you could put his name on the BC without his consent.  His mother had him at a time where there were no such laws in place to keep women from being able to place any random man on their child's BC. ;)

Quoting Johariz:

Yes, we were married. No, his mother was not.



Quoting Anonymous:

Was he your husband when you filled it out? Was your husbands mother married to his father at the time?  If not, she was probably able to do it because back then they didn't have the paternity laws like we do now.  Now days in most states, if you are not a legally married couple, the man has to sign a right to paternity paper, before he can be added to the childs birth certificate.  If you are married, one is not needed, unless it is proven by DNA that he is not the BIO father.  This is a fairly new law. Like in my state, I don't even think it was around when my cousin had her first child, back in '99.  My sons father had to fill it out when he was born in '04.

Quoting Johariz:

Not true. My husbands mother put the fathers name on the bc. He doesn't even know my dh exists. I filled out both if my kids bc's, my dh didn't have to sign.





Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.







Life isn't fair, deal with it!



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AllofFive19
by Ruby Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:46 PM

Men don't really do awareness. Statistically there are more deadbeat women then men. More non-custodial mothers not paying court-ordered child support or court ordered not to pay child support. But who do we hear about? We hear about the dead-beat fathers, not just because there are more men who don't end up with custody, but because we as women are loudmouths (and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way).

As far as why those men don't end up with custody, is not necessarily because the men aren't fighting. Do you know how many men were falsely accused of abusing their child, and even though there was no proof ended up not getting custody? How many men had a judge who believed that the woman was the better parent, even though the father was primary parent before the divorce? There are a lot of women on CM who believe the woman is the better parent, and if the woman doesn't have custody it must mean she was an abuser of the worst kind (even if it isn't true).

Yes there are bad fathers. There are fathers who would give up on their child in a heartbeat, but there are also women who would do the same.

Quoting thetrollcat:

That may be true but how many guys actually fight for their kids? Not that many, not enough to become an awareness.

Quoting EAzizM:

It is the best double standard around.



MicheleJM
by Phoenix on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:47 PM
This.
Men as well as women need to know this is what can happen when they have sex. They can use a condom, know the woman well enough thst she is responsible in her b/c, or not have intercourse. Get married first. Lifes not fair.


Quoting Anonymous:

First off, no women can Sign a father on the birth certificate. If that was te case, Channing tatum would've been the father to all 3 of my children. The father must be there and sign himself.

Second, questions like this are a dead end and if you want to question fairness then people should take it up with GOD, who made women then child bearers. There is absolutely NO way to make child bearing and responsibility 100% fair. Yes it sucks men don't have a say so, but you know what else sucks? The fact that a father can walk away from a child and be only ordered to pay money, yet a woman walks away from their child and they are facing neglect charges! Crimes that are commited against children in the household where the mother is sentenced TWICE more harsh than the father because the mother is supposed to be the "instinctive" one.

People just need to give it a rest.when men are able to carry a bear a child, maybe the laws will be "fair". Until then, there will always be a biased system and the only 100% solution to the problem is to stop fucking random people.



Life isn't fair, deal with it!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rosaleeandtwo
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

He had a choice to not sleep with someone who has different ideas than he on how to handle an unwanted pregnancy.

Just as she had the choice to not sleep with someone who wouldn't want the resulting child of an unplanned pregnancy, and now has to be a single mother dealing with things like child support.

And yes PLENTY of people take shit out on a mother once she's made her choice.  Just read a few posts about unplanned pregnancy. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 32 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Meh, my 11 yo ds's father walked away when I said no to abortion. He didnt want the financial responsibility. He hid, but recently took his DNA test, and surprise, surprise. His wife isn't happy (she had no idea, and they have 2 kids), but I took responsibility for MY actions 12 years ago... Why shouldn't he?
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