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***Jokes***(offensive, maybe)

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:17 AM
  • 89 Replies

I know its late, its a Sunday night/Monday morning , but the kids get an extra day off because of budget cuts to their school, and Im bored, so anyone have any jokes, funny pics, etc?? Anything goes, so if you get offended GTFO! thanks




Your mommas so fat if you cut her she bleed chocolate !



Your momma so nasty her crabs bungee jump from her tampon string



Chuck norris has a grizzly bear as his carpet, the bear isnt dead its just afraid to move

*****************


As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


******************

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.


by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:18 AM
5 moms liked this

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:19 AM

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

DarkSoloKnight8
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:23 AM
Lol these are to funny!!
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RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:24 AM

oh my gosh this is terrible

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:26 AM

feel free to add anyone!!

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:27 AM
1 mom liked this



the illusion of a clean sink

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:28 AM

Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:28 AM

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:29 AM

Half dressed redneck couple sitting on couch watching news on TV with man's arm around the woman. The man says "Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. Right, Darlin'" The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."

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