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Should I let him be the father? I have decided

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 116 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Should I let him raise this baby with me, never telling the bio father?

Options:

Yes

No


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Total Votes: 120

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Please don't judge me for my situation, I am happy to answer questions or to take advice and any rude comments will just be ignored.

So, my situation. About a month and a half ago I had a one night stand with a guy. This was only the second person I had had sex with. I am so embarrassed, I just go so drunk (the drinks were stronger then I thought) and I lost all control. The guy hasn't contacted me since, though I do know how to contact him. From what I found out, he is an ass, he smokes pot, can't keep a job and lives in basically a frat house without the college part. There are also 2 women who say their children are his (I didn't know any of this before).

I realized I had made a stupid mistake and moved on from it. I ended up starting to date a guy who I have known a long time. he is a great guy and we have been together about a month now. About 2 weeks after we started dating, I found out I was pregnant, I told him last week. I was prepared for him to be mad, hurt, or tell me he wants nothing more to do with me. What he did was to ask me if I want to be with him still. I told him I do. He said he has loved me for two years (we have known each other since I was 14 an he was 16, we are now 19 and 21) and he wants to be with me. He said that he wants to raise this baby with me, he wants to tell everyone that the baby is his (including our parents) and he wants to get married.Of course this would mean never telling the other guy

He is a good man with a college degree and set in his career. He would definitely a better father to my child then this other guy and I want to give my child the best I can. I also really want to be with him and I think doing this would give my baby a stable life.

At first I worried it would be unfair to the other guy but it's not like we were trying to have a baby. and he (supposedly) has children he doesn't take care of anyway.

I am now 8 weeks pregnant. Today was my first appointment. I was really scared and my boyfriend came with me.

Well last night, my boyfriend, now fiance', came over and ended up proposing (the ring is gorgeous btw). I said yes! We told my parents and then his and everyone is very excited. Since it was so quick both sets of parents asked if I was pregnant, we came clean and said I am and everyone is thrilled to be getting their first grandchild (first on both sides). We are getting married December 30th. Thanks for all the advice!!

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mrs.seri
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:15 PM
Bump, good luck!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mommy404204
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:15 PM

Let your boyfriend raise the baby it seems like it will be better for all involved.

angy129
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:16 PM

I've never been in this position, so I don't know what would be the right or wrong advice to give. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out. 

robibuni
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:16 PM

If you don't tell the bio father, be prepared for the possibility to arise that the child would ask about its bio father later down the road (assuming you keep an open line of communication with the child in that your BF isn't its bio father).

There's also the chance that this BF won't work out a few months down the road, would you suddenly want to contact the bio father then?

Just some things to think about.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:17 PM
He sounds like a keeper, just be honest with him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:18 PM

No. That's fucked up. He is still the father regardless if you want him to be or not. Do it the right way. Also think about the future. You'er in love now, but what happens if you break up in a year or two? What are you going to do then? Ask your boyfriend to pay child support? Of course not. You'll have to hunt down the poor man who didn't even know he had a child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:19 PM
Did you find out you were pregnant before you got with the new guy?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:19 PM

We wouldn't tell anyone about this, including the baby. I asked him about what happens if we don't work out. He said he would want it to be the same as if any couple gets divorced, he would still be the child's father (along with any other children we have).

Quoting robibuni:

If you don't tell the bio father, be prepared for the possibility to arise that the child would ask about its bio father later down the road (assuming you keep an open line of communication with the child in that your BF isn't its bio father).

There's also the chance that this BF won't work out a few months down the road, would you suddenly want to contact the bio father then?

Just some things to think about.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this

If you do you'll regret it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 4:20 PM
3 moms liked this

Yes, that's what he says now. It's never a good idea to build a future and family on lies and deception.

Quoting Anonymous:

We wouldn't tell anyone about this, including the baby. I asked him about what happens if we don't work out. He said he would want it to be the same as if any couple gets divorced, he would still be the child's father (along with any other children we have).

Quoting robibuni:

If you don't tell the bio father, be prepared for the possibility to arise that the child would ask about its bio father later down the road (assuming you keep an open line of communication with the child in that your BF isn't its bio father).

There's also the chance that this BF won't work out a few months down the road, would you suddenly want to contact the bio father then?

Just some things to think about.



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