Anyone deal with a behavioral feeding problem and sleep problems

[HLmom89]

My 4.5 year old has a behavioral feeding problem. This means he refuses to eat, does everything to get out of eating and never wants to fill up his tummy. Because of this he needs a high cal diet, he has a very hard time gaining weight. He only weighs 28lbs and is 37inches.
He has a hard time sleeping abd refuses to sleep.
They want us to gi see a nutronist and a feeding clinic. Only problem is both are over an hr away and my dh will not drive that far unless he is deathly ill.
And dh and i talked if we can find a pyschatrist(sp) we would do it. Well
Today i called there and the lady told me right out she knows of no one that deals with my sons behavioral problem and our best thing is to go to the feeding clinic. I tell dh and he gets mad and says no way will we go an he away; and he would rather do this on our own.
I dont know what to di next, and how to go about helping my soN

[itsm3]

my dd who is 4 is about 31lbs and has stayed that way for a while; she just can't gain weight no matter how much she eats an she eats like a champ.  are you saying he eats NOTHING all day?  not a thing?

and for his sleep -- what's the problem exactly?  does he fight bedtime time and when he does, what exactly do you do?  what does he do to fight and when  he acts like this, what happens ie. what do you/dh do?

[HLmom89]

If i let him make a decison to eat or not he wouldnt eat at all.
His bed time routine is bed time snack, shower, lotion, jammies, his melotinin, brush teeth and cartoon for 10-15mins. He is tired but will do anything to not sleep. He will play with his hands, feet, wall, talk. I basically have to go up there twice and tell him to calm down.

Quoting itsm3:

my dd who is 4 is about 31lbs and has stayed that way for a while; she just can't gain weight no matter how much she eats an she eats like a champ.  are you saying he eats NOTHING all day?  not a thing?

and for his sleep -- what's the problem exactly?  does he fight bedtime time and when he does, what exactly do you do?  what does he do to fight and when  he acts like this, what happens ie. what do you/dh do?

[itsm3]

that is normal kid behaviour.  kids will fight sleep; it's just what they do.  my dd is like tha too and i have to be very firm with bedtime otherwise she'll stay up for hours.

use a sticker chart to incent him to go to sleep.  in the morning, he gets a sticker for his chart for going to bed nicely the night before.  you have ot make sure to explain the chart to him so he knows how it works.  at the end of the 2wks or week, if he has 14 (or 7) stickers, then he gets a little prize.  you determine what that prize is.  

the more firm you are with bedtime, the less he'll resist and go to bed.  my dd unwinds before bed a little by singing, talking to her dolls etc.  then when i say it's time to go to sleep, it's time to go to  sleep and then she goes to sleep.  sometimes she'll try and test me but she knows the consequences so her delay tactics are few and far between.

as for his feeds, make sure he eats at the same time every day.  maybe he needs more structure around his sleep and meals..  my dd needs that otherwise she's all over the place.  so we eat at the same times every day and she goes to bed at the same time every day.  does he have a schedule/routine?  

i don't give my dd a choice to eat - she eats when it's time to eat.  she doesn't get a choice of what she eats either - she eats what is cooked and she will remain at the table until dinner is done.  i don't expect her to clean her plate but i do expect her to sit with the family and eat what she can.  i'm also firm with this too and she knows this.  i do not allow toys or electronics at the table ... meal times are for family time.  she must sit on her bum instead of running around during meals (it drives me crazy when kids to that).  these rules have been established from early on so dd knows.

Quoting HLmom89:

If i let him make a decison to eat or not he wouldnt eat at all.
His bed time routine is bed time snack, shower, lotion, jammies, his melotinin, brush teeth and cartoon for 10-15mins. He is tired but will do anything to not sleep. He will play with his hands, feet, wall, talk. I basically have to go up there twice and tell him to calm down.

Quoting itsm3:

my dd who is 4 is about 31lbs and has stayed that way for a while; she just can't gain weight no matter how much she eats an she eats like a champ.  are you saying he eats NOTHING all day?  not a thing?

and for his sleep -- what's the problem exactly?  does he fight bedtime time and when he does, what exactly do you do?  what does he do to fight and when  he acts like this, what happens ie. what do you/dh do?

[HLmom89]

We eat at the same time. The tv is turned off, no toys at the table either.
This is his eating days and routine. Breakfast is at 7:30 or 8am depending on the day. Snack if he has no school is 10am otherwise 10:15am as he has speech and ot the days he has no preschool. Then lunch is always noon. Snack again after nap so 3pm. Dinner anywhere from 4:30-5:00pm. Snack time again around 7pm.
His bedtime routine is this- after his snack at 7pm, he gets in the shower, after he is done showering he gets lotion on, after lotion is on he gets dressed, after dressed his teeth are brushed, then watch his show for 10-15mins. After 10-15mins of his show we go give hugs and kisses and tuck him in, we shut the door. After his door is shut he hits at the wall, stands in his bed, kick his feet in the air, talk loud.

Quoting itsm3:

that is normal kid behaviour.  kids will fight sleep; it's just what they do.  my dd is like tha too and i have to be very firm with bedtime otherwise she'll stay up for hours.

use a sticker chart to incent him to go to sleep.  in the morning, he gets a sticker for his chart for going to bed nicely the night before.  you have ot make sure to explain the chart to him so he knows how it works.  at the end of the 2wks or week, if he has 14 (or 7) stickers, then he gets a little prize.  you determine what that prize is.  

the more firm you are with bedtime, the less he'll resist and go to bed.  my dd unwinds before bed a little by singing, talking to her dolls etc.  then when i say it's time to go to sleep, it's time to go to  sleep and then she goes to sleep.  sometimes she'll try and test me but she knows the consequences so her delay tactics are few and far between.

as for his feeds, make sure he eats at the same time every day.  maybe he needs more structure around his sleep and meals..  my dd needs that otherwise she's all over the place.  so we eat at the same times every day and she goes to bed at the same time every day.  does he have a schedule/routine?  

i don't give my dd a choice to eat - she eats when it's time to eat.  she doesn't get a choice of what she eats either - she eats what is cooked and she will remain at the table until dinner is done.  i don't expect her to clean her plate but i do expect her to sit with the family and eat what she can.  i'm also firm with this too and she knows this.  i do not allow toys or electronics at the table ... meal times are for family time.  she must sit on her bum instead of running around during meals (it drives me crazy when kids to that).  these rules have been established from early on so dd knows.

Quoting HLmom89:

If i let him make a decison to eat or not he wouldnt eat at all.

His bed time routine is bed time snack, shower, lotion, jammies, his melotinin, brush teeth and cartoon for 10-15mins. He is tired but will do anything to not sleep. He will play with his hands, feet, wall, talk. I basically have to go up there twice and tell him to calm down.

Quoting itsm3:

my dd who is 4 is about 31lbs and has stayed that way for a while; she just can't gain weight no matter how much she eats an she eats like a champ.  are you saying he eats NOTHING all day?  not a thing?

and for his sleep -- what's the problem exactly?  does he fight bedtime time and when he does, what exactly do you do?  what does he do to fight and when  he acts like this, what happens ie. what do you/dh do?

[bri2011]

Feeding therapy/occupational therapy cld help

[HLmom89]

He is in ot Already, and i am trying to
Find someone closer for his feeding issue. And dh is no help at all.

Quoting bri2011:

Feeding therapy/occupational therapy cld help

[bri2011]

Feeding therapy was moreso for me to learn how to manipulate foods so my son would eat a greater variety (he's autistic with sensory issues) do a google search for information on food/feeding therapy. There's a lot of reading materials that cld be helpful to you to try out.

Quoting HLmom89:

He is in ot Already, and i am trying to

Find someone closer for his feeding issue. And dh is no help at all.

Quoting bri2011:

Feeding therapy/occupational therapy cld help

[levsenmommy]

I feel for you.  My oldest with severe autism stopped eating because of me trying trick him into eating new things.  2 years later and he still doesn't completely trust me with his food. :(  I take him to the closest feeding therapy that will work with a child with his diagnoses (he has 3 total so there is more going on with him that just autism).  I drive him 1 1/2 hours one way 1x a week.  After 18 months, he is up from 1 food to almost 10 foods.  It has been a slow process but I am having to get his trust back.  Worse thing I ever did was try to mix a nonpreferred food with a preferred.  He almost ended up on a feeding tube.