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My husband is having/had an Emotional affair

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I don't know what to do I just found out my husband has been having an emotional affair. I caught him through text on our phone bill, he came clean right away and apologized said nothing physical happened and he would cut off ties.
I feel like the rug pulled out from underneath me, I have never had trust issues and frankly I don't really want too over think it but this is 1 of those things that really makes you question everything. my dad cheated on my mom so for me I just always assume the same thing will happen and now I wonder if it would have or will.
First he pushed the nothing physical happened thing but I explained how investing in somebody else leaves less for your relationship with your wife and messes up the trust.
Guess I just need to vent, not sure what the next step is. Part of me just wants to trust everything's fine but it's such a slippery slope and I hate to leave it open.kwim

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:30 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

Who is the woman? Do they see each other? Not having the security of trust sucks! I would also be hesitant to believe anyhting he said. Did he tell you everything like how long it's been going on and all of that?



The woman that works next door at a restaurant I feel so stupid because I've been in there with him and our kids and it makes me embarrassed . He didn't really say much about timing and I didn't ask when I brought it up to him. then today I found he had texted her a lot the week before Halloween and it upset me. I assumed it was more of a recent thing, the text I originally found were talking about how nice it was to see each other after she had come by his shop and stayed a while I was upset enough about how "nice" they were being to each in those, then I found out he texted her many times back in October 2 and since.
He said he assumed in knew of all the text when I brought it to him
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Good luck, I don't think emotional affairs are innocent...

I had one that turned physical. It's not cool- who knows what they've talked about.. or done.

3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:58 PM
*hugs* sorry you and op are going through this during the holiday season. I highly suggest marriage counseling if you want to try to work through it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Same thing happend to me today I feel like my world came crashing dowm he says he will vut the ties with her but I just can't trust him so I left I took all my things and just left . I am beyond hurt he did this to me.
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3xangel
by *Angelicious* on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:01 AM
You have no reason to feel embarrassed., you didn't do anything wrong. I highly suggest marriage counseling and him opening up and putting the whole story out on the table, especially if you're going to try to move past it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

Who is the woman? Do they see each other? Not having the security of trust sucks! I would also be hesitant to believe anyhting he said. Did he tell you everything like how long it's been going on and all of that?




The woman that works next door at a restaurant I feel so stupid because I've been in there with him and our kids and it makes me embarrassed . He didn't really say much about timing and I didn't ask when I brought it up to him. then today I found he had texted her a lot the week before Halloween and it upset me. I assumed it was more of a recent thing, the text I originally found were talking about how nice it was to see each other after she had come by his shop and stayed a while I was upset enough about how "nice" they were being to each in those, then I found out he texted her many times back in October 2 and since.

He said he assumed in knew of all the text when I brought it to him
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:09 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

Good luck, I don't think emotional affairs are innocent...

I had one that turned physical. It's not cool- who knows what they've talked about.. or done.



Thats the hardest part. I want to believe him. I enjoyed having a trustworthy husband, this just messes it all up:(
We all make mistakes, I have been flattered and I get how it all happens, you just have to be very careful. Its scary how fast your grey area grows when you arent guarding.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:09 AM
1 mom liked this

 Dont let him minimize it, cheating is cheating! Good luck to you guys ((hugs))

Not to be a debbie downer but I do feel like you should be aware that in general they will only admit to what they've been caught with and try to get away with as much as they can.

I know from personal experience, my husband insisted for such a long time that nothing physical ever happened, sadly it even made me feel a little better. But I dug for the truth, he did have sex with someone else.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

 Dont let him minimize it, cheating is cheating! Good luck to you guys ((hugs))


Not to be a debbie downer but I do feel like you should be aware that in general they will only admit to what they've been caught with and try to get away with as much as they can.


I know from personal experience, my husband insisted for such a long time that nothing physical ever happened, sadly it even made me feel a little better. But I dug for the truth, he did have sex with someone else.



How did you find out the rest? I would honestly be dumb founded if he really did get physical. I really really cant believe it but logically I know better.
Wow hard to even consider.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:21 AM

 I found out about the first girl on accident looking through our phone bill for my sisters old number. I was in shock, I really didn't even think about the possibility of more, he admitted to it and that it was only emotional blah blah blah

Eventually I got curious/obsessed I searched through our phone records, found out some were through IM and found out there were more girls, way more girls. Some he'd met in real life, some from online, sexting sending pictures calling on his way to work on fucking valentines day!

Well since he wasn't honest in the beginning it made me question everything. I installed spyware on our computer and found out that while I was out of town visiting family he had sex with one of the girls.

When I found out about the first girl, I was a mess but I told him I just needed to know everything, the truth no matter what or how bad I needed him to be honest with me, he swore up and down and all around " he never touched any of them" and he was lying to my face the whole time.

So my opinion of men getting caught cheating is they will lie to your face until the very end and even then they'll still try to deny it!

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

 Dont let him minimize it, cheating is cheating! Good luck to you guys ((hugs))


Not to be a debbie downer but I do feel like you should be aware that in general they will only admit to what they've been caught with and try to get away with as much as they can.


I know from personal experience, my husband insisted for such a long time that nothing physical ever happened, sadly it even made me feel a little better. But I dug for the truth, he did have sex with someone else.



How did you find out the rest? I would honestly be dumb founded if he really did get physical. I really really cant believe it but logically I know better.
Wow hard to even consider.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:26 AM

Honestly, I would throw the biggest tantrum for a week. Yell and scream for a day. Let it out you need to for your sake. Then silent treatment for the remainder of that week. And actually pretend he isn't there. After a week when he is begging to know the problem tell him that now he knows how you feel. I know childish but effective and way better than divorce.

Mychele
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:29 AM
Text the woman. Be nice. Say who you are and ask what her relationship is with your husband. Or call. Text just gives you more proof unless you record the call.
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