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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My husband is having/had an Emotional affair

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I don't know what to do I just found out my husband has been having an emotional affair. I caught him through text on our phone bill, he came clean right away and apologized said nothing physical happened and he would cut off ties.
I feel like the rug pulled out from underneath me, I have never had trust issues and frankly I don't really want too over think it but this is 1 of those things that really makes you question everything. my dad cheated on my mom so for me I just always assume the same thing will happen and now I wonder if it would have or will.
First he pushed the nothing physical happened thing but I explained how investing in somebody else leaves less for your relationship with your wife and messes up the trust.
Guess I just need to vent, not sure what the next step is. Part of me just wants to trust everything's fine but it's such a slippery slope and I hate to leave it open.kwim

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:30 PM
Replies (51-58):
semamaearth
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:45 AM

I do hope you can work through this. I know this is hard, and I apologize on behalf of the spouses who choose to have these emotional affairs. I hope you knwo that by replying to your psots, I'm not trying to defent him or his actions. Just give you some insight into what is possibly going on in his mind and the hope that things can work out. Don't give up. I loved my husband then, and somehow separated my marriage from my "friendship" with the guy I was talking to. I had convinced myself that nothing was wrong, it was all okay. I wasn't sleeping with him, so no big deal...it took getting caught and going through all I went through to realize the damage I'd done and how it was far from innocent and it was a big deal. I was opening up to another man, when the only man should be my husband. If you believe he does indeed love you, and you are willing, work on it. It will be worth it in the end. And you two will be stronger, I believe.
I honestly believe that had this not happened between my husband and myself, we would've def divorced. Sucky way for our issues to finally get brought up and worked on, but something had to happen. Wish it had been something else, because I do think all the time about how I hurt him, deeply. My husband is not an insecure person AT ALL. but this brought up feelings he'd never known before. Feelings of, wow, I'm not good enough for her. But it wasn't that at all. It was my issues that i couldn't feel with the right way. So to feel "loved" and to get teh attention I wasn't getting from him, I went elsewhere.
Again, I'm sorry. Please pm me if you ever want to talk or have questions, or want to bash the woman and need someone to pretend to be her for you :-)

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you, I wouldn't  stay for the kids alone and do feel loved by him, I am kind of shocked bc he is passionate. We are very passionate so the ups are amazing and the downs are bad but we ave always been in it together.

 I will speak to him about counseling tonight, we have a great couples counselor at church but I am not sure he would want to share this with someone we are that close too. He is so great though and hubby respects him so maybe he will swallow his pride..

 

Quoting semamaearth:

It all depends on how much you want to be with him. My husband asked me many times if I was staying with him because I love him and want to be with him, or if it was simply for the kids. We also have 3 kids, and yes, it would be so hard on them if we broke up, but it would be just as unfair to him to be with him if my heart was somewhere else. It sounds like, and I could be wrong, cuz I'm not there, he does love you. He didn't try to excuse it. He cut ties with her. I don't think a marriage is something you should ever just throw away, and emotional affiars are usually something that start out innocently, so it wasn't him trying to throw away your marriage. But you have to decide, together, if you want to work out all the kinks, and gain that trust again and be together. Most people will say it can never happen, have never been faced with that before.

I would urge you to get counseling together, and seperately as well. there are things that someone from the outside will need to point out and encourage you to work on that the two of you may not even be able to see, or if you do, think much of. It's going to be a long road, and it will take awhile for that trust to build back up. Things won't be the same as before, but that's not what you want. Same as before was flawed, you want to make things new between the two of you

Quoting Anonymous:

I have 3 small children that would ultimately pay the price for such choices. I feel more comfortable not making a rash one of that nature,

 Of course I understand why this is an unacceptable action and I said in a moment of pain, I want a divorce bc I can't be married to SomeoneI can't trust. I did mean that but I think I should give him a chance before breaking up our family and putting that stress on them.

 We have built a lot, hard to break it down with one thing. Or maybe I am just prideful. Idk


Quoting Anonymous:

That would be the end of the marriage for me


 



Love060708kids
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:46 AM

I'm so sorry :(

Serenity7
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:47 AM

 ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:48 AM
the first thing to remember is its not about you. trust has been broken but it doesn't have to be gone. focus on what he DID do which was come clean. now figure out what the issue is that caused HIM to think HE needed to this and fix it. therapy would probably be a good idea.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:11 AM

Thank you


Quoting Love060708kids:

I'm so sorry :(


Abbysmom1215
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 7:09 PM
I found out my husband had an emotional affair via text while I was 8months pregnant. This was two years ago and I am still struggling with it. Everytime I think about it I still get angry. I thought I had forgiven him but I feel like my heart is still guarded, afraid that he'll do it again.

I'm glad that we decided to work through it, but it is NOT easy!

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2012 at 7:43 PM

I am sorry to hear tours too! Pregnant would be so much harder:(

 Thank you for the encouragement.

Quoting Abbysmom1215:

I found out my husband had an emotional affair via text while I was 8months pregnant. This was two years ago and I am still struggling with it. Everytime I think about it I still get angry. I thought I had forgiven him but I feel like my heart is still guarded, afraid that he'll do it again.

I'm glad that we decided to work through it, but it is NOT easy!

I'm so sorry you are going through this.


I_Love_Pooh1999
by Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:00 PM

I'm sorry. sad

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