I know I have too. But I have no proof that he has been abusive to me in the past because I never reported it. He convinced me that if I reported it, it would only hurt me. It would hurt our family. I was brainwashed. Now that he has been away for awhile, I relize I need to go. Now that he is home for a month, I relize how anxious and scared I am around him. I walk on eggs shells and try to make everything perfect. But I know, if one thing goes wrong. He is caoable of exploding. But I have no proof. I know he canbot handle visitation alone with our child. If we divorce this.can be bad. Atleast I can protect my child. But at the same time..i need to get our child away! And myself. I am scared to leave and scared to stay. I am in tears. I know what I have to do, but I am so scared. When he keaves I am going to find a support group like somebody suggested on here. I really need support. I am tired of living in fear. I am always scared. I am a sweet, caring person. I try to please everybody. I don't deserve to feel this way anymore. I just.want to run away. I don't even care where too. Just somewhere where it's just me and my baby. My husband thinks everything is okay. When I finally decide to tell him I want oit, I am sure he will think I am cheating or something and he will be so angry. I just want him to let me go. I just want to be free. I just want out so bad. I just want to peacefully be set free. I'm praying for God's angel's to protect me thru this decision. I just have to have Faith in him. I just want out!