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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

This is how you should look for your DH/SO. (Added pics)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ladies, he is providing for you. The least you can do is keep sexy for him. I have to agree...Men stray because women let themselves go and gain weight, stop wearing makeup, wear slouch clothes, etc. I'm going to show you what I do to keep myself looking good for my hard working husband, and take my advice, unless you want traded in for a nicer model! 

1. Always make sure to wear makeup for him. No man likes coming home and seeing his wife with a plain, tired looking face with no color to it. Here's a pic of me so you can do it yourself!

2. Do not clean in those nasty sweat pants and  t-shirt! How can he appreciate all you do around he house if the first thing he sees when he gets home is your frumpy butt in potato sacks? Always clean in something like this, unless you want him getting "cleaned" elsewhere.

3. Don't use pregnancy, aging, and human imperfection as an excuse for your boobs not to look the best. Men do not like, natural, floppy boobs. If you can't afford to fix them, you can't afford to have kids, is my motto, and Go big or go home! (and find your man in bed with Busty McDouble D's).

4. Don't let your body go! You say your pregnancies caused those stretch marks and/or sagging skin? Please...We all know that's just from you letting yourself go and getting all fat and frumpy! Your stomach should look like this. No excuses! 

5. No thigh gap equals you're fat. Mmkay? Don't give me that excuse "Wah, that's just how my body is made. I just have bigger thighs!" No, whore...You're just fat. Keep that thigh gap, ladies! 


You're welcome.






Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:07 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:20 AM

It does glow. Men love bright, glowing eyes. Not the dark, soulless eyes of a tired, haggard woman.

Quoting 3lilmonsters88:

Ah kinda like runway lights on a tarmac...interesting!

Quoting Anonymous:

It's cautionary makeup, it's so her dh doesn't hit her in the eye with his business because as we all know perfect women must give their dh nightly bj's so he doesn't stray!

I'm thinking she must have glow in the dark lipstick as well, you wouldn't want your dh to miss!



Quoting 3lilmonsters88:

Hmm does your eye shadow glow in the dark and where can I get me some of that?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:21 AM
Exactly!! Perfect wives must always leave as little work for their dh as possible so they light up the Tarmac!
Do you not do this as well? I thought all perfect wives do this? Not glow in the dark eyes? Do you not put a glow in the dark arrow pointing at your lady bits? Goodness, some of you are slackers ;)

Quoting 3lilmonsters88:

Ah kinda like runway lights on a tarmac...interesting!



Quoting Anonymous:

It's cautionary makeup, it's so her dh doesn't hit her in the eye with his business because as we all know perfect women must give their dh nightly bj's so he doesn't stray!


I'm thinking she must have glow in the dark lipstick as well, you wouldn't want your dh to miss!





Quoting 3lilmonsters88:

Hmm does your eye shadow glow in the dark and where can I get me some of that?
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:21 AM

GIRL????????

Quoting Byrd15:

Yes my dear? :)

Quoting Sassy762:

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL??????????

Quoting Byrd15:

Lol nah my husband likes that Im not a Whore Barbie. I'm 5'2 and never go over 125 unless Im pregnant like right now. I got some meat on my legs, and a big booty, I wear sweat pants a lot because maternity jeans are hard to find! Lol And if I wore makeup he'd slap it off me, not really, but I've never worn makeup and wouldn't know what is what, I haven't cut my hair in months because I'm growing it out for him, and I don't own a blow dryer or straightener. :)



AdellesMom
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:22 AM
Why hello!

How are you?


Quoting Love060708kids:

Heyyy love ;)

Quoting AdellesMom:

Ridiculous post is ridiculous.



I LMAO'D the whole time. This has to be satire.


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Ashley_Carlson
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:22 AM

BF loves my tiny titties. They don't get in the way of gettin' niiiiice and close. ;)

AdellesMom
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:22 AM
Oh, and my husband LOVES that my thighs touch.

More cushion for his pushin'! :-)
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BuggadosMom
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:22 AM
1 mom liked this
That too I guess? Bawha. Guys tend to have saggier boobies right? Yes I just made that shit up. Mine aren't hacky sacks as my mother puts it but they sure as hell aren't clear up to my chin!

Quoting mstkn.identity:

I so read that as man boobs. Bwaha



Quoting BuggadosMom:

You are a fucking idiot. Plain and simple





Btw, my dh LOVES my mom boobs ;) choke on that!
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3lilmonsters88
by Carolina Sky on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:23 AM
Sadly my eyes are tired and soulless..
BUT I did deck out the lady bits for Christmas with led lights, dh prefers those.


Quoting Anonymous:

Exactly!! Perfect wives must always leave as little work for their dh as possible so they light up the Tarmac!

Do you not do this as well? I thought all perfect wives do this? Not glow in the dark eyes? Do you not put a glow in the dark arrow pointing at your lady bits? Goodness, some of you are slackers ;)



Quoting 3lilmonsters88:

Ah kinda like runway lights on a tarmac...interesting!





Quoting Anonymous:

It's cautionary makeup, it's so her dh doesn't hit her in the eye with his business because as we all know perfect women must give their dh nightly bj's so he doesn't stray!



I'm thinking she must have glow in the dark lipstick as well, you wouldn't want your dh to miss!







Quoting 3lilmonsters88:

Hmm does your eye shadow glow in the dark and where can I get me some of that?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:23 AM

What if we both make the same amount, as far as income goes?  Can we trade off make-up/french maid days?

Damn, he doesn't have a gap between his thighs.  Nevermind.

Byrd15
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:23 AM
Yes!!! She is my profile picture! Isn't she perfect! She was blowing us kisses! <3
Even at 2 am, sick, exhausted and can't sleep Im happy! I have my perfect little princess! :)


Quoting Sassy762:

GIRL????????

Quoting Byrd15:

Yes my dear? :)



Quoting Sassy762:

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL??????????

Quoting Byrd15:

Lol nah my husband likes that Im not a Whore Barbie. I'm 5'2 and never go over 125 unless Im pregnant like right now. I got some meat on my legs, and a big booty, I wear sweat pants a lot because maternity jeans are hard to find! Lol And if I wore makeup he'd slap it off me, not really, but I've never worn makeup and wouldn't know what is what, I haven't cut my hair in months because I'm growing it out for him, and I don't own a blow dryer or straightener. :)



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