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Need Advice: My Husband and His Damn Cell Phone

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 33 Replies

Two disclaimers before I get started:

  1. I am pregnant so I may be a little ovely irrational and emotional.
  2. I have a hard time letting the past go when my "women's intuition" kicks in.

With that said, I have been upset since yesterday when I walked up on my husband and he shut down whatever he was doing on his cell phone and tried to ask me a million questions about random things before I could say anything. It's not the first time, especially if he doesn't realize I am in the immediate vicinity. Then there are times when I ask to use his phone to do something, like look something up online. Instead of giving me his phone, he will do it for me.

We have had a lot of issues in the past with him telling various girls that he loved them (amongst other things), including a coworker last year on our anniversary. He would rather make other females feel good by telling them things he knows he shouldn't instead of focusing on our marriage. This has included befriending just about every girl that takes an interest in him at work and exchanging information. He even tried to tell me that he maintained a two-month texting relationship with a complete stranger because she texted him first.  He's exchanged and stored pictures of the woman that I knew was no good; turns out she wanted to sleep with him. And to this day, I still don't know that I believe him that it never happened. We had a computer protection software a while back and it would records anything out of the ordinary; it tracked an unknown email account, IM conversations, and whole days of him browsing porn and dating sites instead of doing things around the house. Since he has gotten a smartphone, however, he usually does not use the computer anymore and he uses up 80% of our shared data plan doing God-knows-what. His job is an hour away from our house and he is not from here so his "friends" are no where near us. There have been several incidents where he has disappeared out there without so much as a text. I spend entire days worried because no matter where else he is, he ALWAYS texts and answers his phone.

Whenever we get into about those issues, it is always brought up that I am so preoccupied with school and he is bored and doesn't have friends. Well excuse me for wanting better for myself and my family. I am working on finishing my second degree and he doesn't like school. He's also complained that I didn't want to have a baby at that time. I wanted my next pregnancy done right, where we had savings, a house of our own, and he was able to carry the burden of me being out of work for maternity. I already make double his pay and carry the benefits for the family. His job has not given any raises in the two years he has been there when they promised one after six months. I begged, argued and pleaded and then he made a promise that he would find another job; he has broken that promise and he hasn't looked. Instead of supporting my dreams and aspirations, he complains about my schoolwork and lack of time with him. At the same token, instead of spending time with our son he is playing his video games.

When we are home and together, he appears to be the absolute greatest husband. He will cook, straighten up, help with homework, iron school uniforms for the kid, offer massages, etc. He usually is not on his phone during this time. But I have seen that females will text him in the middle on the night and he will respond with something like, "Oh, my son had my phone last night so I didn't get your message" instead of telling them that it is inappropriate for them to text him in the evening, so stop or get lost.

I don't have a problem with him having female friends. In fact, I have liked a couple and encourage him to invite them to our functions. I have a problem with how he deals with them. When a female thinks she has a chance of sleeping with you, or can text/call you whenever to do whatever favor, or they supposedly barely know you and tell you all of their business (e.g. my husband is not sleeping with me anymore), I think you have crossed the boundary and violated the "friendship".

It has been four years of this, starting immediately after we got married. I am just tired of fighting this battle and worrying what the hell he is doing. And now that I am pregnant, the stress of it all is bothering me more than ever. He made a promise this year that I would never have to worry about those things in the past and we could move forward. But after yesterday, I just don't know if that promise means anything anymore. And whenever something like that happens, I tend to think of all the other things we have been through. I have sacrificed a lot of things and relationships to marry him. I thought him giving up his life in another state with his family and friends meant that he would make the most of it here, but I am really feeling used and slighted. This is not the marriage I wanted or the type of person I wanted to be with. I have done so much to make him a better person and have a great future despite his past.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ikesmommy
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:11 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:13 AM

pumpkin...


hindsight is always 20/20

don't have any more babies with this man.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:13 AM

Why the hell did you marry this guy?  Better yet, why did you have kids with him?

What happened to you that you had no choice but to marry a guy you can't trust?

kaycersmom
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Okay so i only read like the first 50 paragraphs lol but if he's not willing to be faithful i would leave
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catrig
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:16 AM

leave

gardengirl23
by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:17 AM

I couldn't read that all.  You knew he was a cheating loser when you decided to get pg.  Let me tell you if my man decided to tell another woman that he loved her, I wouldn't be thinking "let's have a baby!"  Dump him.

SusieQue717
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:18 AM

I'm sorry mama... (HUGS) 

SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Read what you wrote as if you were the friend of the person who wrote it.

Hes doing what he is because you keep letting him
You keep making him think all is ok because you havent walked out.
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Bluetick
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd kick his ass so hard he gagged on my shoe leather for a week
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CanInTex
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this
It's obvious he has no respect for your marriage, or boundaries with friends. I think you should lay down some serious laws or tell him to hit the trails. Your dh sounds like a tool.
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