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my mind is f***ed up. *vent*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
I'm having an anxiety attack. Its Bern building up all week, the irritalbilty, being withdrawn, (you ladies have really only been my conversations over the past week for company because I don't want to deal with people I really know right now) not wanting to do anything or go anywhere but feeling trapped in the house. Its a horrible feeling. I have thoughts of hurting my self. I can't feel like I'm doing right by anyone except my dd. If it wasn't for her I really don't know what I would bring right now, probably nothing good. I look at her and that smile and I could never take myself from her, i'm her mommy and she needs nobody else except me.

I just feel like the biggest fuck up and like I deserve to a loner in life to prevent dragging others down. The worse part is I know its not true and its in my head, I feel left out of everything I want to do mainly due to my work schedule, and everyone just getting to out whenever they. As much as I despise going to work and would much rather be a sahm I'm too dedicated to things to just say fuck it, and have never quit on anything except for this one person but she had dangerous practices at work and I wasn't risking my licence to her being unorganized.

My DH doesn't even try and understand the painfulness of depression and anxiety, and just constantly asks why I'm like this, and I just respond, " if I knew what it was I'd fucking fix it". I'm so frustrated right now, and thanks for listening.

Sorry for mistakes and typos, its kinda hard to see when you have tears in your eyes.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EvilQueenMommy
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:25 PM
2 moms liked this

hugs

Jers.
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:27 PM

This

Quoting EvilQueenMommy:

hugs


bjsgrl
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I get it. Its a horrible feeling. The only thing that works for me is getting out of the house and being around family and friends.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:29 PM
Thank you :*(


Quoting Jers.:

This


Quoting EvilQueenMommy:

hugs



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:34 PM
I would love to do that but Dh and our best friend, (and i know i need it)are going out tonight, she can't go until after I have to sleep and I can't go due to work.

I've been dealing with feeling like this for a week know, I was starting to feel better but now I'm just broken again.

My dd just ran up and hinged me in that sweet 2yr old way and I just cried because it hurts me to now that I feel so bad sometimes I think of doing drastic things but I could never purposely do something to cause her not have to wonder where her mommy is.


Quoting bjsgrl:

I get it. Its a horrible feeling. The only thing that works for me is getting out of the house and being around family and friends.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:36 PM
Bump
AlilKittyKat
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Maybe seek counceling?  Try yoga, meditation helps to, get outside and take a nice long walk to clear your head.  I am sorry you are feeling this way.  How old is your daughter?  Could this be due to PPD?

angelcatia
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:56 PM
This. Nobody should have to feel like that. Hope things get better for you soon.


Quoting EvilQueenMommy:

hugs


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:58 PM
I do ;work out reguraly do yoga and Pilates and such, I was at the gym last night, I want to feel like I need to go right now to get rid of all this emotion but dd is sleeping do I'm going to settle for just yoga but I just want to run.

My dd is 2 and I had run into pdd issues early on when I tried rpo for BC, worse 1 1/2 months of my like. I know I need counceling and know right where to go ( i work eith a crisis intervention specialists that i'm friends with, they can something when somethings up and will pull me aside talk yo me, even have offered a free 3 day stay somewhere to have therapy seasons and just a break from all the stress and deal with these internal demons i have that make me feel wrong with everything i do.but am at the same time too proud to use it because I know its in my head, and I just can't control it. I could be fine for months then bam outta no where I'm a self loathing miserable, feel like I can't keep anyone happy or do anything without being criticized, except at work, and what sucks about that is I don't want yo be there and listen to everyone else bitch and moan about shit there.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:59 PM
I quotes you above but it didn't take


Quoting AlilKittyKat:

Maybe seek counceling?  Try yoga, meditation helps to, get outside and take a nice long walk to clear your head.  I am sorry you are feeling this way.  How old is your daughter?  Could this be due to PPD?


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