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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Ok. Lets get something straight

A pregnant woman in NOT and incubator. It is NOT her job to supply and infertile couple with a baby. SHe is NOT required to honor any pre-birth promises. The law recongnizes that she has time after birth to decide what she REALLY wants.


Yes I get that it hurts. My neice was given back at 2 weeks because her mom changed her mind. Two years later it still stings us all. Most my sister in law who is not able to have her own babies. But she knows she did what was right.

And NO the BM does NOT owe them any money. They gave what the did KNOWING she had a right to change her mind. It part of adoption.

sorry hit enter too soon

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:52 AM
Replies (31-40):
Danapopcorn
by AbbyCat on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:11 AM

You're right, it is not a pregnant woman's responsibility to provide an infertile couples with a child. But don't promise or make commitments to do so if you aren't sure. All you do is hurt people by doing so. Yes, it is legal. But there is a big difference between legally right and morally right. There is always a legal loophole somewhere, but morally, there are no loop holes other than denial.

wkukid
by Ocean Wave on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:12 AM

We signed up to belong to several adoption agencies before I got pregnant. Honestly, I get its hard for someone to give up a baby, but I see it from the other side. We wanted children so bad that we didn't care what race, gender, ect that we got, we just wanted a baby. To spend nine months going through that thinking they were getting a child to only have that dream ripped from them, I'm glad I never actually had to do it but it breaks my heart to think it probably happens to people all the time. They spend money preparing a room for the baby, some even pay for medical bills, testing and food, only to lose all that time and money because the person changes their mind. It's heartbreaking to me.

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

No I really want to know. I want to understand the other side of this. Truly

Quoting wkukid:

As I said, I'm learning to bite my tongue so I won't say it, you have a nice day :)

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

Nasty things about what? I don't get what could be said nasty. For real. Yes it hurt to loose my niece, we miss Jillian every day. But legally they had to give her back. The mom had that right.

Quoting wkukid:

Gosh I really want to say nasty things. But I'm working on being nicer on here.





Mamabear010
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:12 AM

If the adoption agency is doing their job the would be AP should know that the expectant mother can and often does change her mind. In fact, I think the stat. is like 80% of considering mothers DON'T place. So it should not be a surprise when she changes her mind. They know the risk. They know any of the money they spend on her will be considered a gift and they wont get it back. Yes, they have the right to be upset. But they don't have the right to harass anyone.

Life isn't fair, get the fuck over it.

CrimsonRadiance
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:14 AM
I am not saying that the baby isn't hers legally. I am all for that. Things change and I do feel that the BM should be able to say "I want my baby".

What I am saying is that they need to make it so that IF she does change her mind, she needs to give the money back to the AP. Make it into a legal matter, so that people aren't scammed.


Quoting reaandiziesmama:

I do think she scammed them. Only because she had done this before. But that doesn't change the fact the legally that baby is hers for AT LEAST 60 days after birth do the adoptive parents legally have no choice in most cases.

Quoting CrimsonRadiance:

Shit, then why aren't more women doing this?



"Hey Ya'll! Get free medical care from the best doctors (not Medicaid doctors, but the expensive ones!!) And don't waste your own gas! Just say you are going to adopt your baby out and have someone else pay for al that! Then, when the time comes, change your mind. Voila! Paid for. "



That is fucked up all the way around it.




Quoting reaandiziesmama:

Maybe morally. But legally no. And my brother and sister in law have never asked. They say that it was a risk they took

Quoting CrimsonRadiance:

I agreed, until you posted the BM doesn't owe money because they knew there was a chance she would change her mind.





No, if they pay for her medical expenses, and drive her to and from appointments, she DOES owe that money back to them.



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LaceNBklyn
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:15 AM
I agree
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black.eyeliner
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:16 AM

Of course she isn't required but a good person does do that or they are actually honest about what is going on. I did try to adopt a baby and three times women said how much they didn't want their baby and then changed their minds. I did not harrass them but it is shocking how magically they now have money, a heart, and have quit the crap they were doing that would put their babies at risk. Many girls need to figure out what they really want before the baby is actually here. It would save a lot of people the time and money. Yes it costs a lot and that money is not given back at the end of the day. Most of the girls have no idea what it costs in total. Especially the air fare if you are coming in from another country. When I did get my two children I paid thousands for the plane tickets. These mothers need to get their heads straight before these children come into the world. The child deserves better.

demlilkit
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:17 AM
It depends on the contract they have. Some contract they have to pay the money back. Some it not stated.

IM sorry IM not going to spend thousands on a baby and just be like ok have fun. One good thing my sister going to have my next child for me.
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reaandiziesmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:19 AM

It hurts. Even as an Aunt, it hurt. I cried for weeks. Still can't look at the pics. But that doesn't change it was her baby. And I don't hate her. Neither do they. No harsh words were said. Because as disappointing as it was, Jillian was HERS not ours.

Quoting wkukid:

We signed up to belong to several adoption agencies before I got pregnant. Honestly, I get its hard for someone to give up a baby, but I see it from the other side. We wanted children so bad that we didn't care what race, gender, ect that we got, we just wanted a baby. To spend nine months going through that thinking they were getting a child to only have that dream ripped from them, I'm glad I never actually had to do it but it breaks my heart to think it probably happens to people all the time. They spend money preparing a room for the baby, some even pay for medical bills, testing and food, only to lose all that time and money because the person changes their mind. It's heartbreaking to me.

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

No I really want to know. I want to understand the other side of this. Truly

Quoting wkukid:

As I said, I'm learning to bite my tongue so I won't say it, you have a nice day :)

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

Nasty things about what? I don't get what could be said nasty. For real. Yes it hurt to loose my niece, we miss Jillian every day. But legally they had to give her back. The mom had that right.

Quoting wkukid:

Gosh I really want to say nasty things. But I'm working on being nicer on here.






reaandiziesmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:19 AM

They had not agency. It was a private adoption.

Quoting Mamabear010:

If the adoption agency is doing their job the would be AP should know that the expectant mother can and often does change her mind. In fact, I think the stat. is like 80% of considering mothers DON'T place. So it should not be a surprise when she changes her mind. They know the risk. They know any of the money they spend on her will be considered a gift and they wont get it back. Yes, they have the right to be upset. But they don't have the right to harass anyone.

Life isn't fair, get the fuck over it.


wkukid
by Ocean Wave on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:20 AM

Honestly I'm just grateful I don't have to now. I'm not sure if given the opportunity to adopt knowing what I know now that I would. The gamble is too large.

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

It hurts. Even as an Aunt, it hurt. I cried for weeks. Still can't look at the pics. But that doesn't change it was her baby. And I don't hate her. Neither do they. No harsh words were said. Because as disappointing as it was, Jillian was HERS not ours.

Quoting wkukid:

We signed up to belong to several adoption agencies before I got pregnant. Honestly, I get its hard for someone to give up a baby, but I see it from the other side. We wanted children so bad that we didn't care what race, gender, ect that we got, we just wanted a baby. To spend nine months going through that thinking they were getting a child to only have that dream ripped from them, I'm glad I never actually had to do it but it breaks my heart to think it probably happens to people all the time. They spend money preparing a room for the baby, some even pay for medical bills, testing and food, only to lose all that time and money because the person changes their mind. It's heartbreaking to me.

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

No I really want to know. I want to understand the other side of this. Truly

Quoting wkukid:

As I said, I'm learning to bite my tongue so I won't say it, you have a nice day :)

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

Nasty things about what? I don't get what could be said nasty. For real. Yes it hurt to loose my niece, we miss Jillian every day. But legally they had to give her back. The mom had that right.

Quoting wkukid:

Gosh I really want to say nasty things. But I'm working on being nicer on here.







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