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Ok. Lets get something straight

A pregnant woman in NOT and incubator. It is NOT her job to supply and infertile couple with a baby. SHe is NOT required to honor any pre-birth promises. The law recongnizes that she has time after birth to decide what she REALLY wants.


Yes I get that it hurts. My neice was given back at 2 weeks because her mom changed her mind. Two years later it still stings us all. Most my sister in law who is not able to have her own babies. But she knows she did what was right.

And NO the BM does NOT owe them any money. They gave what the did KNOWING she had a right to change her mind. It part of adoption.

sorry hit enter too soon

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:52 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:25 AM
What you said is true and obvious, except for the expenses if it related to the pregnancy. Medical expenses should be paid back. Otherwise people could go through the process and then "back out" last minute, just to have the expenses paid.

It also doesn't mean that the adoptive parents aren't allowed to be hurt or angry! They have every right to their feelings!
risaspieces
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:28 AM
I agree with you. A lot of women who are unsure if they can provide for their child go into agencies to get information about placing their baby, and to make it easier to place they want to know the couple. So what some people see as leading on a couple is really just the birth mom trying to make sure that she knows in her heart that she is doing the right thing ( in most cases).
I know if I had gotten to know my sons parents better before placing him I wouldn't hate myself so much for placing him. And I'm one of the happier adoption stories.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:28 AM
Easy for you to say, you haven't been through it.

Expenses should not be considered a gift. It should be in the contract that if she is to back out then the expenses are refunded.


Quoting Mamabear010:

If the adoption agency is doing their job the would be AP should know that the expectant mother can and often does change her mind. In fact, I think the stat. is like 80% of considering mothers DON'T place. So it should not be a surprise when she changes her mind. They know the risk. They know any of the money they spend on her will be considered a gift and they wont get it back. Yes, they have the right to be upset. But they don't have the right to harass anyone.

Life isn't fair, get the fuck over it.


reaandiziesmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:29 AM

Legally they don't have to pay anything back. And yes they get to feel what they feel. But they don't get to harass the mother. That's just not OK. Its still her baby.

Quoting Anonymous:

What you said is true and obvious, except for the expenses if it related to the pregnancy. Medical expenses should be paid back. Otherwise people could go through the process and then "back out" last minute, just to have the expenses paid.

It also doesn't mean that the adoptive parents aren't allowed to be hurt or angry! They have every right to their feelings!


Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:50 AM

<-------lost and happy to stay that way...... for this post, lol

3lilmonsters88
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:51 AM
Otay
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:05 AM
I havent met any adoptive parent that looked at a BM as an incubator.
What about the other side?
Adoptive parents are not cash cows! Adoptive parents are not victims for people to take advantage of them. Their inability to have a baby of their own doesn't make them heartless! No adoptive family goes into this thinking a BM is an incubator who's job or sole purpose in life is to give them a baby!
Why is it okay for an adoptive parent to shell out THEIR hard earned money to a BM Making promise that she has no intention of keeping? Why are they less than the BM because she can pop out babies that she cannot parent or afford?
If this was all about changing adoption policies and/or protecting BMs rights it wouldn't be a one sided biased view.
Let me bleed you dry because I have the golden uterus and you have the money so I can turn around and take the baby back while stiffing you in the process, how is that okay?
The sad fact is that if they put in the contract that the adoptive parents will pay the medical bills incurred due to the pregnancy/baby they would be accused of buying a baby. Of course the BM isn't accused of selling her baby when she takes money and gifts from the adoptive parents.
To protect adoptive parents they should make the BM give/pay back everything she scored from them including money while making promises she wasn't going to keep.

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

A pregnant woman in NOT and incubator. It is NOT her job to supply and infertile couple with a baby. SHe is NOT required to honor any pre-birth promises. The law recongnizes that she has time after birth to decide what she REALLY wants.


Yes I get that it hurts. My neice was given back at 2 weeks because her mom changed her mind. Two years later it still stings us all. Most my sister in law who is not able to have her own babies. But she knows she did what was right.

And NO the BM does NOT owe them any money. They gave what the did KNOWING she had a right to change her mind. It part of adoption.

sorry hit enter too soon

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 11:14 AM
I completely agree with this. It's basically the same thing I've been saying. It leaves too much room for people to abuse the system just for all expenses paid pregnancy.

How is this fair to adoptive parents? What if they can only afford to do this once? Then they end up broke without a babby, and unable to do it again.


Quoting Anonymous:

I havent met any adoptive parent that looked at a BM as an incubator.

What about the other side?

Adoptive parents are not cash cows! Adoptive parents are not victims for people to take advantage of them. Their inability to have a baby of their own doesn't make them heartless! No adoptive family goes into this thinking a BM is an incubator who's job or sole purpose in life is to give them a baby!

Why is it okay for an adoptive parent to shell out THEIR hard earned money to a BM Making promise that she has no intention of keeping? Why are they less than the BM because she can pop out babies that she cannot parent or afford?

If this was all about changing adoption policies and/or protecting BMs rights it wouldn't be a one sided biased view.

Let me bleed you dry because I have the golden uterus and you have the money so I can turn around and take the baby back while stiffing you in the process, how is that okay?

The sad fact is that if they put in the contract that the adoptive parents will pay the medical bills incurred due to the pregnancy/baby they would be accused of buying a baby. Of course the BM isn't accused of selling her baby when she takes money and gifts from the adoptive parents.

To protect adoptive parents they should make the BM give/pay back everything she scored from them including money while making promises she wasn't going to keep.



Quoting reaandiziesmama:

A pregnant woman in NOT and incubator. It is NOT her job to supply and infertile couple with a baby. SHe is NOT required to honor any pre-birth promises. The law recongnizes that she has time after birth to decide what she REALLY wants.


Yes I get that it hurts. My neice was given back at 2 weeks because her mom changed her mind. Two years later it still stings us all. Most my sister in law who is not able to have her own babies. But she knows she did what was right.

And NO the BM does NOT owe them any money. They gave what the did KNOWING she had a right to change her mind. It part of adoption.

sorry hit enter too soon


Mamasgirl524
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 11:15 AM
Hahahahaha

Quoting Anonymous:

...did you use a speech to text program???

or....is it just REALLY hard for you to spell....

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Doesn't make her any less of a bitch though
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