Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

"She'll corrupt our festivities with her Atheism non-sense!"

Posted by   + Show Post

My DH just walked downstairs and informed me that we needed to "adjust" our holiday plans. He seemed upset but today has been an odd day..

He had been on the phone to his brother who had informed him that I was not invited to the Christmas gathering, they are having at their house on Christmas eve because I have demons. What?

I have been to their traditional Christmas eve get together for the last five years and it is something DD, DH and I look forward to. It is always a lot of fun and we end up creating a lot of great memories. I thought his family liked me and it's disheartening to know they think I have "demons". Again, what?

They drink, they gamble, they curse BUT Sunday's they go to church and on Wednesdays they hold a Bible study. I am an Atheist, a fact I thought they knew many moons ago. But SIL has decided that having me there this year would corrupt their festive occasion because of my beliefs as an Atheist.

I normally would just say "fuck it, we won't go and will do our own thing" but this maybe DH's mother's last Christmas and I can't take spending it with her away. I know there are places for me and DD to spend Christmas but it breaks my heart to know I won't be spending it with my husband.

Should I call SIL up and ask her to meet with me to discuss the issue? Just let DH go and DD and I go elsewhere or make DH stay home with his family (DD and I)?

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Replies (11-20):
Armymom134
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:30 PM

 My Dh would NEVER let his family treat me like that. Your DH needs to stand up to his sister and tell her to knock off her shit. You are family and she should accept that, or maybe you should have DH's mother over for christmas on a different day, that way he can have time with her. Dh would tell his family either my wife is coming with or we won't come.

Jynnifer292
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:30 PM

 I would stay home and my husband would never even consider going.

Fatal_Frost
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Ditto... our family comes first... you three need to do something as a family and find a time to see your MIL as well if that's important... maybe one Christmas without any of you there will change their minds about not inviting you next year...

Quoting jillbailey26:

Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lindilouwho82
by Lindi on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:31 PM

 

Quoting do11face:

That is really sad. :(
How on earth would you be corrupting anything?

What sparked them to all of the sudden cut you out now?
And why is your husband going without you?
That is not right.

 I know last year when everyone said grace, I had excused myself to grab something from the kitchen. I did not do this intentionally but I know it offended the hostess; I apologized but I think DH has been shielding me from some of the criticism that has been passed around.

daiseymae2
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:31 PM

Mine wouldn't go without us. He always says if I'm not welcome, then neither is he. I would try and do something special for him and his mom. Have him take her someplace special or something.

Jynnifer292
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:31 PM

 

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting jillbailey26:

Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.

 No, he wants to do something special with just DD and I. I am sure there were words exchanged and I am sure his brother got an earful but I would feel selfish taking his last Christmas with his mother away. Or making everyone uncomfortable because DH insisted I be welcomed in a home I was "uninvited" in..

Can you bring his mother to your house?  To spend a special day with her.

 Yes, that is what I would do. Bring her to your house for a day and have your own celebration.

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:31 PM
3 moms liked this


 

Quote:

They drink, they gamble, they curse BUT Sunday's they go to church and on Wednesdays they hold a Bible study. I am an Atheist, a fact I thought they knew many moons ago. But SIL has decided that having me there this year would corrupt their festive occasion because of my beliefs as an Atheist.

Still laughing at the irony of this part.  They drink, gamble and curse...yet are worried about YOU potentially having demonic influence that could affect them?  That's just whacked.

If they drink, gamble and curse, they aren't very serious - or possibly mature- about their faith anyway, so it's pretty funny that they are worried about the presence of an atheist.  If they were really living their faith, they'd welcome you, as it is the nature of real Christians to demonstrate love, not fear, of others. 

There's something more to this story, I think.  Something that you may not know about.  I'm sorry this happened to you, and your husband should have stood up for you, saying that this was his WIFE and where he was welcome, you are welcome, because you are, after all (in Christian faith) ONE flesh. 

Shame on them.


 


 

lindilouwho82
by Lindi on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:32 PM

 

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting jillbailey26:

Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.

 No, he wants to do something special with just DD and I. I am sure there were words exchanged and I am sure his brother got an earful but I would feel selfish taking his last Christmas with his mother away. Or making everyone uncomfortable because DH insisted I be welcomed in a home I was "uninvited" in..

Can you bring his mother to your house?  To spend a special day with her.

 I want to, I actually had suggested doing something for her with just us long before this incident happened. I just hate that DH has been put in this delicate situation of picking me over his family.

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Why would you excuse yourself?  That would be offensive.  The proper thing to do is simply to remain silent and wait if you are not participating (unless the hosts sacrificed a baby or something you simply could NOT sit through in good conscience). 

Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting do11face:

That is really sad. :(
How on earth would you be corrupting anything?

What sparked them to all of the sudden cut you out now?
And why is your husband going without you?
That is not right.

 I know last year when everyone said grace, I had excused myself to grab something from the kitchen. I did not do this intentionally but I know it offended the hostess; I apologized but I think DH has been shielding me from some of the criticism that has been passed around.


Oceana09
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:34 PM
That's about as good as DF's mother telling him that she didn't like me because I gave him spiritual fleas. He didn't believe in God before I met him so I would love to know how i gave him spiritual fleas. My family knows he doesn't believe in God and they know I'm wiccan (Or at least I'm sure they've put that together by now) and they aren't keeping us from festivities. Ugh...some people.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)