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"She'll corrupt our festivities with her Atheism non-sense!"

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My DH just walked downstairs and informed me that we needed to "adjust" our holiday plans. He seemed upset but today has been an odd day..

He had been on the phone to his brother who had informed him that I was not invited to the Christmas gathering, they are having at their house on Christmas eve because I have demons. What?

I have been to their traditional Christmas eve get together for the last five years and it is something DD, DH and I look forward to. It is always a lot of fun and we end up creating a lot of great memories. I thought his family liked me and it's disheartening to know they think I have "demons". Again, what?

They drink, they gamble, they curse BUT Sunday's they go to church and on Wednesdays they hold a Bible study. I am an Atheist, a fact I thought they knew many moons ago. But SIL has decided that having me there this year would corrupt their festive occasion because of my beliefs as an Atheist.

I normally would just say "fuck it, we won't go and will do our own thing" but this maybe DH's mother's last Christmas and I can't take spending it with her away. I know there are places for me and DD to spend Christmas but it breaks my heart to know I won't be spending it with my husband.

Should I call SIL up and ask her to meet with me to discuss the issue? Just let DH go and DD and I go elsewhere or make DH stay home with his family (DD and I)?

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:34 PM

That is really sad. I'm a Christian, and we would NEVER not accept someone into our home because they aren't. That is NOT what Jesus was about.

do11face
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:35 PM


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting do11face:

That is really sad. :(
How on earth would you be corrupting anything?

What sparked them to all of the sudden cut you out now?
And why is your husband going without you?
That is not right.

 I know last year when everyone said grace, I had excused myself to grab something from the kitchen. I did not do this intentionally but I know it offended the hostess; I apologized but I think DH has been shielding me from some of the criticism that has been passed around.

: /
I'm sorry they are so unaccepting. I'm not sure what I would do in this situation.
It would hurt me if my husbnad went without me but I understand he wants to see his mother.

jillbailey26
by Jill on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:35 PM


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting jillbailey26:

Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.

 No, he wants to do something special with just DD and I. I am sure there were words exchanged and I am sure his brother got an earful but I would feel selfish taking his last Christmas with his mother away. Or making everyone uncomfortable because DH insisted I be welcomed in a home I was "uninvited" in..

Can you bring his mother to your house?  To spend a special day with her.

 I want to, I actually had suggested doing something for her with just us long before this incident happened. I just hate that DH has been put in this delicate situation of picking me over his family.

It sucks that he is being put in that position and he really shouldn't have to choose.  However, now that they're making him choose, it should be you.  And I know you don't want him to miss out, but you shouldn't miss out either.  It's horrible of them to do that and they're the ones that are going to lose out.

Set up a special day with his mother.  That way you get time spent with her too.  I'd be leaving the rest of them alone.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:36 PM

Was there something that set this off?

That is ridiculous.  You are a family and if you have all been celebrating the holiday year to year, I don't see how this year would be different and how all of a sudden you being atheist has any bearing on anything. 

Either you talk to you SIL and see what is going on or DH puts his foot down and sets them straight.  If it is your MIL's last Christmas, you want to make it special.  If it can't be resolved, then I say start your own traditions and take MIL out with your family and give her the best Christmas ever.

lindilouwho82
by Lindi on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:36 PM

 

Quoting TranquilMind:


 

Quote:

They drink, they gamble, they curse BUT Sunday's they go to church and on Wednesdays they hold a Bible study. I am an Atheist, a fact I thought they knew many moons ago. But SIL has decided that having me there this year would corrupt their festive occasion because of my beliefs as an Atheist.

Still laughing at the irony of this part.  They drink, gamble and curse...yet are worried about YOU potentially having demonic influence that could affect them?  That's just whacked.

If they drink, gamble and curse, they aren't very serious - or possibly mature- about their faith anyway, so it's pretty funny that they are worried about the presence of an atheist.  If they were really living their faith, they'd welcome you, as it is the nature of real Christians to demonstrate love, not fear, of others. 

There's something more to this story, I think.  Something that you may not know about.  I'm sorry this happened to you, and your husband should have stood up for you, saying that this was his WIFE and where he was welcome, you are welcome, because you are, after all (in Christian faith) ONE flesh. 

Shame on them.


 


 

 I think there is more to their not liking me then just my beliefs. I have always gotten along with most people, it's in my nature so I don't necessarily see if people find who I am a little off putting. I can be sarcastic, loud and have a tendency to speak my mind, I also have toned a lot of that down to be in their company.

SIL, is a little on the umm, well she is kinda nuts and I her "religious" beliefs only turn on when they are convenient. Which I think makes her a hypocrite.

LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:36 PM

Same here. Just my husband would have pointed out their hypocrisy along the way.


Quoting jillbailey26:

Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:37 PM

 Well then these people are not truely christian if they are capable of treating someone like this just because they don't believe the same things they do.

CABZS
by Emerald Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:37 PM

I would talk to her, find out where all this is coming from. 

I am sorry she is behaving this way.

Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting jillbailey26:

Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.

 No, he wants to do something special with just DD and I. I am sure there were words exchanged and I am sure his brother got an earful but I would feel selfish taking his last Christmas with his mother away. Or making everyone uncomfortable because DH insisted I be welcomed in a home I was "uninvited" in..


angevil53
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:38 PM
That doesn't sound like the Christian thing to do.
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Peaceful.chaos
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:38 PM
If he's willing to go there on Christmas eve when you've been disinvited, that's not cool on his part. He should tell them he wont go anywhere his wife isn't welcome. His priority should be to you now. I just feel bad for you because this seems to have come out of nowhere and you've always enjoyed spending time with his family. Honestly I'd say screw it and be done with them at this point.
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