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"She'll corrupt our festivities with her Atheism non-sense!"

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My DH just walked downstairs and informed me that we needed to "adjust" our holiday plans. He seemed upset but today has been an odd day..

He had been on the phone to his brother who had informed him that I was not invited to the Christmas gathering, they are having at their house on Christmas eve because I have demons. What?

I have been to their traditional Christmas eve get together for the last five years and it is something DD, DH and I look forward to. It is always a lot of fun and we end up creating a lot of great memories. I thought his family liked me and it's disheartening to know they think I have "demons". Again, what?

They drink, they gamble, they curse BUT Sunday's they go to church and on Wednesdays they hold a Bible study. I am an Atheist, a fact I thought they knew many moons ago. But SIL has decided that having me there this year would corrupt their festive occasion because of my beliefs as an Atheist.

I normally would just say "fuck it, we won't go and will do our own thing" but this maybe DH's mother's last Christmas and I can't take spending it with her away. I know there are places for me and DD to spend Christmas but it breaks my heart to know I won't be spending it with my husband.

Should I call SIL up and ask her to meet with me to discuss the issue? Just let DH go and DD and I go elsewhere or make DH stay home with his family (DD and I)?

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Replies (31-40):
lindilouwho82
by Lindi on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:38 PM

 

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Was there something that set this off?

That is ridiculous.  You are a family and if you have all been celebrating the holiday year to year, I don't see how this year would be different and how all of a sudden you being atheist has any bearing on anything. 

Either you talk to you SIL and see what is going on or DH puts his foot down and sets them straight.  If it is your MIL's last Christmas, you want to make it special.  If it can't be resolved, then I say start your own traditions and take MIL out with your family and give her the best Christmas ever.

 I think there has always been something about me that has rubbed them the wrong way. Which is understandable, DH and I come from very different backgrounds and I think they just have gotten to the point that they would rather not have me around.

That just brought tears to my eyes, cause I could never imagine doing that to someone.

rgba
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:38 PM
Let your husband make the decision on this one, it is his crazy family. If he chooses to stay away from him, that is his choice.

If my DH's mother was on her deathbed, he would still choose to spend xmas with me and DS, and would feel no regrets...(they are not close)
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caito
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:38 PM

That sucks :( My husband would stay home with me if his family treated me like that, and I think yours should too. 

Could you plan to go see his mom on another day? Just you, him, and your daughter?

soulofsunmama
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:38 PM
Awe,good ol religion at its highest!
That sucks, you should never ever be put in a situation like this:(
Invite her to your house, or just show up anyway.
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lindilouwho82
by Lindi on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:40 PM

 

Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

If he's willing to go there on Christmas eve when you've been disinvited, that's not cool on his part. He should tell them he wont go anywhere his wife isn't welcome. His priority should be to you now. I just feel bad for you because this seems to have come out of nowhere and you've always enjoyed spending time with his family. Honestly I'd say screw it and be done with them at this point.

 It makes me sad, not just for me but for DD as well. She loves being over there and being apart of what all her cousins are doing. I think it's important to not let her get hurt by any of this..

rgba
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Let go of that guilt. You didn't put DH in this situation, his family did.


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 


Quoting jillbailey26:




Quoting lindilouwho82:


 


Quoting jillbailey26:


Wait, he's willing to go without you?  My husband wouldn't even begin to allow his family to treat me that way.  He'd either not go or set them straight and we'd all be going.


 No, he wants to do something special with just DD and I. I am sure there were words exchanged and I am sure his brother got an earful but I would feel selfish taking his last Christmas with his mother away. Or making everyone uncomfortable because DH insisted I be welcomed in a home I was "uninvited" in..


Can you bring his mother to your house?  To spend a special day with her.


 I want to, I actually had suggested doing something for her with just us long before this incident happened. I just hate that DH has been put in this delicate situation of picking me over his family.


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Sadie_J_0202
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:41 PM

Wait...you have demons because you're an athiest? Did I read that right?

I would act like I do.


rgba
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:43 PM
It's not understandable. They are nutjobs.



Quoting lindilouwho82:

 


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


Was there something that set this off?


That is ridiculous.  You are a family and if you have all been celebrating the holiday year to year, I don't see how this year would be different and how all of a sudden you being atheist has any bearing on anything. 


Either you talk to you SIL and see what is going on or DH puts his foot down and sets them straight.  If it is your MIL's last Christmas, you want to make it special.  If it can't be resolved, then I say start your own traditions and take MIL out with your family and give her the best Christmas ever.


 I think there has always been something about me that has rubbed them the wrong way. Which is understandable, DH and I come from very different backgrounds and I think they just have gotten to the point that they would rather not have me around.


That just brought tears to my eyes, cause I could never imagine doing that to someone.


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SweetPea2004
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

How Christian of his sister!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:44 PM

I wouldnt call SIL at all because that will only cause more issues. I would tell DH to set up a private thing for you, DH, and DD to spend a day with his mother. Do something as a family on Christmas. Then DH will still get time with his mother and your BIL/SIL dont have to fear the "demons". Personally they would never be invited to my home ever again and they would be cut out of mine and my childs life but my DH would also agree with cutting them off too.

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