anxiety help. bashing mood? come on in!

[Anonymous]

IDK whats wrong with me. if you wanna bash- great, please do so... but at least give me insight on whats wrong with me.

i ended up quitting my job back in May- told them i was done at the end of the month, but never showed up for the last 4 days. i was depressed during that time.

over the summer to now: i've been attending classes (math, language, psychology, etc-- kinda basic classes)...

i also got SEVERELY depressed around thanksgiving time. yes- attempted suicide too.

i'm seeking help, and have been attending therapy for the last 2 weeks (since the beginning of Dec).. i'm back on my prozac- which seems to be helpful.

put my resume on careerbuilder and monster a couple days ago. i THINK i'm ready to get back out in the work field... but at the same time, i dont know. anytime an unknown number calls, anytime i get a VM offering me an interview-- i tense up. i have a mild panic attack in the making. idk what i'm going to do- i HAVE to get a job, but at the same time, i dont think i'm ready for one... i'm scared once i get one, i'll end up quitting a few months later (which is what i've been doign for the last 5 years)

HELP!

[wkukid]

Sounds like you just have a fear of failure to me.

[eesmommy]

Breathe... just stop and breathe .. worry about whether or not to quit once you get a job;-) cross one bridge at a time.

[Anonymous]

 You need to write these thoughts and feelings down in a notebook.  You realize right now that these are unreasonable thoughts and are self destructive.  Change them.  You have the power. 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting eesmommy:

Breathe... just stop and breathe .. worry about whether or not to quit once you get a job;-) cross one bridge at a time.

I dont even worry about whether i should quit or not. other than when i did quit in May- i never gave my past employers any type of notice-- just didnt show up. ignored all calls, etc.. i even ignored the calls from the person i quit back in May... i know i shouldnt have done it- before i left, when i gave her my notice, she was sad to see me go, said that i'd always have a job there if i ever decided to come back.... but i KNOW i burned that bridge.

i dunno. i just feel like i'm not worth hiring. =(

[Anonymous]

 So just apply for disablility like everybody else these days

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

i am. i'm trying. i know how i'm thinking is wrong-- not just with this, but a lot of situations in my life... and i'm slowly making the changes... should i just postpone any job searches until i'm deemed 'okay'?

Quoting Anonymous:

 You need to write these thoughts and feelings down in a notebook.  You realize right now that these are unreasonable thoughts and are self destructive.  Change them.  You have the power. 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

i dont think thats a possibility. i mean, my anxiety isnt so severe that i cant leave my house (at one point it was)... physically- i can work. my depression-- i feel like i'm getting better, more stablized in my mood.

i want to work.... i think i'm ready to work... but maybe i'm not... i dont know. i'm just... scared.

Quoting Anonymous:

 So just apply for disablility like everybody else these days

[eesmommy]

You fear failure. And you aren't unhirable, you obviously can get hired you just hit a mental block at some point and quit trying for fear of letting others down.... forget about others and stick with it for YOU.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting eesmommy:

Breathe... just stop and breathe .. worry about whether or not to quit once you get a job;-) cross one bridge at a time.

I dont even worry about whether i should quit or not. other than when i did quit in May- i never gave my past employers any type of notice-- just didnt show up. ignored all calls, etc.. i even ignored the calls from the person i quit back in May... i know i shouldnt have done it- before i left, when i gave her my notice, she was sad to see me go, said that i'd always have a job there if i ever decided to come back.... but i KNOW i burned that bridge.

i dunno. i just feel like i'm not worth hiring. =(