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The most difficult thing I've done as a parent... Updated

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 199 Replies
1 mom liked this
My 4 year old is OUT of control. NOTHING is working with him. Nothing. He is constantly disrespectful, throwing fits, acting like a crazy person. You name it, he's doing it...:(







Today was the last straw... He asked to go for a bike ride(he had his bike taken away weeks ago for pushing it off of the porch during a tantrum, I never specified how long it would be gone) and I said yes. We bundled up, packed a picnic into the wagon with 2 year old brother, and headed to the park. When we got there the playground was closed for renovations, but we enjoyed lunch, rode around the track, played in the grass. It was a great day. When it was time to go he decided to run from me, scream, BITE, etc. I ended up practically having to drag him and his bike home. I couldn't even put him in the wagon because he was kicking his brother. Well, when we got home, I turned to get his brother out and he bolted down he street! I had to drag him home kickin and screaming for a second time today. thank goodness my neighbor was out, saw what happened, and hopped the little fence between us to sit with the baby.







Anyway. When we got in I emptied all of his toys it of his and his brother's room. Set their trofast up in the living room so brother has access to all of his things, and put the baby gate up. He has has his mouth washed out for spitting, and will be in his room until Sunday. He can come out to greet dad when he gets home, for chore and meal time (snacks will be in his room), bath time, and to be read to before bed. I feel like I am being pretty generous . After Sunday he can earn his toys back one tub at a time.



The thing is, I feel guilty as shit. I know I'm doing the right thing... At least I think I am... But I can't stop thinking about him being in there all alone while me and brother are doing Christmas crafts and playing together :(



ETA: Sunday is not FOUR days away, it is two. He HAD the chance to earn his things back tomorrow morning, and he pushed the empty trofast tower over. When I told him he would have to wait until Sun. for his toys, he hit his BABY brother. That got him in his room tonight and tomorrow. Since then he has been in there throwing a fit. He has thrown his dinner plate, along with everything else that got in his path. I am not leaving him in there with no attention whatsoever. If he calls for me, I go to him, and j am checking on him regularly to make sure he's okay, has a full water cup, and knows he hasn't been abandoned. As I mentioned, I have tried EVERYTHING else... I am at a point where I cannot allow him to hurt other family members and destroy everything in arms reach.

UPDATE: Thank you so much for everyone who has given me such great advice, particularly to the mamas who spent the better part of the night and morning sharing their stories and ideas with me. DS is currently out of his room, has completed preschool without fits, and is working with me around he house to earn his belongings back a few at a time. Together, We made a list of what can help us have a good day, what we can to to help turn it around when things start to go bad, and what things will, without question, warrant a time out. (4 CALM minutes with a timer that he can see and hear) It's been a pretty rocky day, but 1000x better than even just the last few weeks.
I also had him tell me the things he thought I could work on, and added them to the list. Spanking and telling we're top of his list.

We've got a ways to go, but I think we can work together to make it happen over time.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:08 PM
29 moms liked this

Dude. Seriously. I'd whoop his ass.

aiyess
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:09 PM
3 moms liked this
You are doing your best so don't beat yourself up for disciplining your son. Good luck and *hugs*. I hope things get better.
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ff-princess
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:13 PM
Maybe you missed the part where he's4, but that's extreme overkill and is going to be ineffective as soon as his memory isn't fresh about why he's sitting in his room for 4 days. It's kinda supposed to be one minute per year, not one day of timeout per year.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:13 PM
We've been there. Spanking seems to make his behavior escalate.

Quoting Anonymous:

Dude. Seriously. I'd whoop his ass.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:14 PM
3 moms liked this

he is 4. you are expecting WAY TOO MUCH out of him. 

Im sorry i never say this. but seriously, you are NOT doing a very good job as a mother. 

HLmom89
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:17 PM
He sounds like my almost 5 year old. Sure u dont have my son. Wait mine is in his room sleeping i just checked. But my son does the same thing yours does minus the biting


Quoting Anonymous:

My 4 year old is OUT of control. NOTHING is working with him. Nothing. He is constantly disrespectful, throwing fits, acting like a crazy person. You name it, he's doing it...:(





Today was the last straw... He asked to go for a bike ride(he had his bike taken away weeks ago for pushing it off of the porch during a tantrum, I never specified how long it would be gone) and I said yes. We bundled up, packed a picnic into the wagon with 2 year old brother, and headed to the park. When we got there the playground was closed for renovations, but we enjoyed lunch, rode around the track, played in the grass. It was a great day. When it was time to go he decided to run from me, scream, BITE, etc. I ended up practically having to drag him and his bike home. I couldn't even put him in the wagon because he was kicking his brother. Well, when we got home, I turned to get his brother out and he bolted down he street! I had to drag him home kickin and screaming for a second time today. thank goodness my neighbor was out, saw what happened, and hopped the little fence between us to sit with the baby.





Anyway. When we got in I emptied all of his toys it of his and his brother's room. Set their trofast up in the living room so brother has access to all of his things, and put the baby gate up. He has has his mouth washed out for spitting, and will be in his room until Sunday. He can come out to greet dad when he gets home, for chore and meal time (snacks will be in his room), bath time, and to be read to before bed. I feel like I am being pretty generous . After Sunday he can earn his toys back one tub at a time.


The thing is, I feel guilty as shit. I know I'm doing the right thing... At least I think I am... But I can't stop thinking about him being in there all alone while me and brother are doing Christmas crafts and playing together :(

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tommyfan5
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:17 PM
2 moms liked this

If this were my DD she would have earned herself a spanking

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:20 PM

 just leave him in his room without toys for the day.  Not four.  Still let him earn back his toys. You should read The Well Behaved child.  How he acted was wrong and I don't think spending the rest of the day in his room is an unacceptable discipline.  Also I think keeping the toys away is a good idea too.  My child was extremely unruly like that.  Consistency is key.  That book has some great ideas.  You really should check it out.  It made my life a lot easier.  I do not think that he is too young to be disciplined.  SOme kids are more "spirited" than others and need to learn that there are consequences and 4 minutes in time out isn't going to teach some children that. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Well, if you care to enlighten me...
We have done time out, taking a toy, spanking. Talking, rewards, everything. He does something inappropriate, like BITE or hit or throw/break something or spit, then look at me and say "I dare you to take my toys".
Timeouts do not work. Untried the whole "positive/gentle parenting" thing, and I hot tires of being spit on when I tried to talk with him..

I KNOW 4 is a hard age, but his behavior is beyond excessive.

Quoting ff-princess:

Maybe you missed the part where he's4, but that's extreme overkill and is going to be ineffective as soon as his memory isn't fresh about why he's sitting in his room for 4 days. It's kinda supposed to be one minute per year, not one day of timeout per year.
agrisham13mom
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I think that is extreme overkill! He is 4 I hate to see what you do to him when he is 16 and pushes the limits... Yes he needs a punishment for his behavior most definitely. I think he need to apologize to you, his brother, and the neighbor for his behavior. As well as do a good deed for each if you. Example would be make his brother a special snack and have him emphasize with how he hurt his brother by kicking him. Have him explain his feelings to you of why he acted the way he did and explain why it is inappropriate. Take away fun trips to the park until he can prove more acceptable behavior. Such as listening to your requests.. I really hope you rethink this punishment.
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