Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The most difficult thing I've done as a parent... Updated

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My 4 year old is OUT of control. NOTHING is working with him. Nothing. He is constantly disrespectful, throwing fits, acting like a crazy person. You name it, he's doing it...:(

Today was the last straw... He asked to go for a bike ride(he had his bike taken away weeks ago for pushing it off of the porch during a tantrum, I never specified how long it would be gone) and I said yes. We bundled up, packed a picnic into the wagon with 2 year old brother, and headed to the park. When we got there the playground was closed for renovations, but we enjoyed lunch, rode around the track, played in the grass. It was a great day. When it was time to go he decided to run from me, scream, BITE, etc. I ended up practically having to drag him and his bike home. I couldn't even put him in the wagon because he was kicking his brother. Well, when we got home, I turned to get his brother out and he bolted down he street! I had to drag him home kickin and screaming for a second time today. thank goodness my neighbor was out, saw what happened, and hopped the little fence between us to sit with the baby.

Anyway. When we got in I emptied all of his toys it of his and his brother's room. Set their trofast up in the living room so brother has access to all of his things, and put the baby gate up. He has has his mouth washed out for spitting, and will be in his room until Sunday. He can come out to greet dad when he gets home, for chore and meal time (snacks will be in his room), bath time, and to be read to before bed. I feel like I am being pretty generous . After Sunday he can earn his toys back one tub at a time.

The thing is, I feel guilty as shit. I know I'm doing the right thing... At least I think I am... But I can't stop thinking about him being in there all alone while me and brother are doing Christmas crafts and playing together :(

ETA: Sunday is not FOUR days away, it is two. He HAD the chance to earn his things back tomorrow morning, and he pushed the empty trofast tower over. When I told him he would have to wait until Sun. for his toys, he hit his BABY brother. That got him in his room tonight and tomorrow. Since then he has been in there throwing a fit. He has thrown his dinner plate, along with everything else that got in his path. I am not leaving him in there with no attention whatsoever. If he calls for me, I go to him, and j am checking on him regularly to make sure he's okay, has a full water cup, and knows he hasn't been abandoned. As I mentioned, I have tried EVERYTHING else... I am at a point where I cannot allow him to hurt other family members and destroy everything in arms reach.

UPDATE: Thank you so much for everyone who has given me such great advice, particularly to the mamas who spent the better part of the night and morning sharing their stories and ideas with me. DS is currently out of his room, has completed preschool without fits, and is working with me around he house to earn his belongings back a few at a time. Together, We made a list of what can help us have a good day, what we can to to help turn it around when things start to go bad, and what things will, without question, warrant a time out. (4 CALM minutes with a timer that he can see and hear) It's been a pretty rocky day, but 1000x better than even just the last few weeks.
I also had him tell me the things he thought I could work on, and added them to the list. Spanking and telling we're top of his list.

We've got a ways to go, but I think we can work together to make it happen over time.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:06 PM
Replies (191-199):
by Anonymous 32 on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:15 AM
No advice. Technically it doesn't seem like he's trapped in his room. It sounds like he is out quite often. It seems like a lot for a 4 yo but if you have tried everything then then I hope it works!! His behavior is really unsafe to himself and his brother.
by Anonymous 33 on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:20 AM
Us to. We started using only positive reinforcement and making sure each child gets alone time with each parent. Ths phrase we hear you and we understand is really helping even when the answer is still no. Good luck before we started this about a month ago I really thought I'd strangle the little darling.

Quoting Anonymous:

We've been there. Spanking seems to make his behavior escalate.

Quoting Anonymous:

Dude. Seriously. I'd whoop his ass.

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:26 AM
My 3 yr old is very independent and seems to think her way or no way... She runs away from me as well, cries like a drama queen and talks back like a 10 yr old, my 3 yr old is very smart she can read and write up to the 2nd grade sort of things, idk why she's so darn smart, but she's sooo cute so disciplining her is hard for dh and I... So idk hope she grows outta the running away from me and back talk soon..but doubtful
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 5:42 AM

Then you didn't do it right!

Quoting Anonymous:

We've been there. Spanking seems to make his behavior escalate

by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 5:46 AM
How did you keep him in his room?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Ruby Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:14 AM
1 mom liked this
This!!! Ds has color issues abd we have started to limit them in the house. Dds anger issues have gone way down since!!

Quoting Anonymous:

Remove all food dye and artificial colorings and flavors. If the yogurt says "flavored" its not made with real fruit. etc. give it a couple of weeks after you remove it all. Read EVERYTHING food coloring is in a lot more stuff than just candy. Drinks, pre made pie crust + rolls, cereal, crackers, chips, you name it.

It may not fix it all but I can guarentee it will help. good luck

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Emerald Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:20 AM
I would have no hand left from spanking. Or send him back to the baby store for a refund.
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:39 AM
Im glad my son is twelve
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Platinum Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:59 AM

Remember discipline is only one part of the problem.  He needs training and instruction.  There is a difference between training and displine.   You are not a bad mother.  4 is not too young to obey but remember 3 and 4 are the hardest training years.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)