I cheated and I am Terrified ***Christmas Update, My family knows***Update once more***
- 1480 Replies
Dh and I have been having a lot of problems lately and hadn't had sex in over 6 months. Well we were trying to work it out but I got so frustrated. I cheated on him with a co-worker. This coworker and I have worked together for over 8 years. He is married with 2 kids and Dh and I have 3. One night we both got off of work at the same time and we decided to go get a drink, well one thing led to another and we landed up back at his place and had sex (his wife and kids were out of town, visiting her family). I went home and said nothing to DH. It was supposed to be a one night thing and that was it. One night of stupidity on both our parts. Well about a month later I found out I was Pregnant, and since DH hadn't had Sex. It could only be my coworkers. I went to the Dr right away since I had a IUD in and he removed it, Well....Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it) I didn't miscarry. I am now almost 16 weeks pregnant! I haven't told my husband and my coworker hasn't told his wife. He knows I am pregnant and he knows it is his! I don't know what to do?
Update:
Well I told DH we needed to talk. So tomorrow we are taking the kids to moms after he get off of work and we will have a discussion. I will tell him everything then, I am just so scared. I don't know if my coworker plans on telling his wife and that is up to him. I don't expect him to leave her or anything like that, but I do want him to know his child...We'll see how this goes
So I stil plan on telling DH tonight, I just wanted to answer a couple of questions asked on here, I will be the first to admit what I did was stupid, hell even without the pregnancy it was stupid. Why didn't I use protection? Well because I obviously was not thinking....I don't carry condoms with me and his wife has her tubes ties so he didn't have any, I figured (Stupidly) that the IUD would be enough, plus I have known this man for 8 years, I guess I trusted him. I don't plan on DH forgiving me, and I don't plan my coworker telling his wife right now. I know I fucked up and now I have to live with it....Thanks for your support and encourgment. I will let you know what happens after I talk with DH tonight.
Update #2
I am still waiting for DH to get home to tell him, He knows something major is up and I really do think that he knows that I cheated, The pregnancy not so much but the cheating yes
....But I just called my coworker and told him that I plan on telling DH tonight (Just as a heads up) , We talked for awhile and he said that he doesn't plan on leaving his family or his wife for me or this child. He WILL NOT tell his wife right before Christmas and his daughters birthday (2 days after Christmas). I told him that it was up to him what he did and didn't do regarding his family, She was bound to find out sooner or later! but it wouldn't be me who told her.
He asked why I wouldn't/Didn't get an abortion and I told him that he KNEW before we even got into this mess that I didn't believe in abortions (I don't care what others do, but I don't believe in them for me). I promised him that I wouldn't tell anyone at work the truth but being what it is I have a good feeling that they will find out.
Since we work together at least 4 nights a week, we are going to have to act civil to one another and just pretend that it's not his if that is what he wants (and I want that too at least for work, we don't need this drama to follow up there). He said Fuck a lot and then told me good luck and hung up. So here's to hoping tonight!
Update #3
It's finally calmed down here, DH is in the bed room and is not talking to me and pissed off and Drunk (as expected) When he got home, He came and and asked what I needed to talk to him about. I told him to sit down and please just hear me out before he said anything. He sat and just stared right at me and before I could even say anything he asked me...
"Did you cheat on me?" I told him that yes I did, but that was not the whole story. I told him that I was also almost 16 weeks pregnant with the other man's child. DH just kind of stared this blank stare at me and asked in a scary strange voice "who is it?" I didn't really want to tell him being that I know my husband and I know how he reacts to stressful situations!! So I asked him if he REALLY wanted to know. and if he did I would tell him. Same scary strange voice, he said "yes"
So I told him it was "coworker" DH then snapped called me every name in the book and just lost it, he grabbed my christmas presents and threw them all out the door saying that whore's like me don't deserve a Christmas gift and then just started launching crap all over the house. Then he grabbed his keys and stormed out of the house. I had no idea where in the heck he was going, but I let him go. I start to try to clean up the house while in tears, about an hour later I get a phone call from my work! It's my manager wanting to know what the hell was going on!!
Turns out, when DH left the house he went straight to my work to find my coworker, he was working and DH started cussing him out and yelling at him in front of everyone there about "fucking his wife" and "his ugly bastard child" . Well I guess Co-worker didn't say a thing and my manager to DH that he needed to leave or he was calling the cops. DH I guess told coworker he was lucky he didn't kick his ass and then left.....Well the manager sent coworker home after that, and wanted to know what the fuck just happened so he called me, I had to confess the truth, to him and he told me that he would talk to me and coworker tomorrow when we came in.
I guess DH went somewhere after that and got drunk off his ass, then like a dumb ass drove home. He burst through the door, cussed me out some more and then told me that if I wanted to fuck my coworker, to go ahead, but our kids were going to have a normal Christmas and that he was staying through the Holidays and that I could sleep in the guest room then he was gone and was going to divorce my ass!! He slammed the door to our room and has been there since!!
Update #4
I just want to answer a couple of questions, For the people calling me a troll, I trully wish I was, I wish it was all a lie and I didn't get myself into this damn mess, but unfortunitly it's all true. And as for my coworker knowing my stance on abortion, we have worked together for 8 years, through the birth of all of our children, it has come up a couple of time, it came up during the last election, he and I talked about everything. I never thought my stance on abortion would matter to him, but hell I know his wife's tubes are tied, I know way to much about him as he knew way to damn much about me!!!
Update #5 Final Update
First I want to thank all the people who have been kind to me and didn't just call me names. For those who did, I diserve it and you are correct, that this is my fault. I am going to have to live with the choices that I made but coworker is too, I am 100% responsible for my part and he is 100% for his.
I went into work at 1pm today to talk to the store director, Coworker was there too. We walk into his office and he tells us to have a seat. He is really calm and asks us what happened last night. Well Cowoker steps up and tells him, that he was sure he already heard but we had a affair and my husband just found out last night and lost it and came into the store to confront him. The store director just looked at us with a WTF expression on his face. I told the store director that wasn't the only thing, that I was pregnant because of this "affair". now it looks like the store directors eyes are about to pop out of his head.
He just looks at us and says "you two are a couple of idiots, you are 32 and 42 and you are doing this? You both have kids and got yourself into this mess, and then bring it into my store in front of customers"
All I could say was "im sorry" and coworker just kind of looked down.
Store Director said, "you know i should just fire both of you right now....But I won't, you (coworker) have been here 13 years and you(me) 8 you are good workers and I have never had problems with you before this. I am suspending you both for a week and if you two can't keep this mess out of here and I hear that somthing like this happens again, I will fire both of you!! Now get out of my office"
we both thanked him and left, all while everyone in the store stared at us as we walked out! I looked at coworker and told him I was sorry, and he said "me too" and we went on our way.
I will get through this and no matter what life may bring my kids and I will be okay!
Update AGAIN.
Okay I will update once more since a lot of people are asking me what has happened, Dh has be civil but distant, he still says that he is leaving after the holidays, he said he will go stay with his mom and the kids and I can stay here. Nothing has been said about custody and I am not going to bring it up as of now. As for the baby Yes I am keeping it, he/she is mine and I willl love them no matter what, I find out in about 3 weeks what I am having.
As for Coworker, I have not talked to him since we left work from talking to the boss. I have no clue if he has or when he will tell his wife. HE will have to tell her sooner or later because she always shops at our store, and I am sure everyone there knows already or will know soon enough. I have met his wife a few times and I honestly don't think she will be very forgiving in this matter, but if she is then good for him. If he wants to be part of this babies life he can but that's up to him.
Christmas Update.
Well my whole family now knows the truth,
To try and save face my DH and I went to my families house for Christmas, We were eating dinner and DH kept making smart ass comments under his breath, well my mom heard him and asked him what the fuck his problem was. I tried to tell to just drop it, but she started up on him about how he was treating me like shit and acting like an ass on Christmas. DH was getting pissed but trying to keep calm, My mom wouldn't stop and told DH he could just leave if he was going to ruin Christmas. Well DH lost it and started yelling at my mom. Of course all hell broke loose because the whole family was there and, no one yells at my mom like that. I begged them to PLEASE just drop it and we would go home.
Well DH turned on me and said I don't need to listen to a bitch like you. My mom slapped him across the face He looked like he was going to hit her but just told her...."You know what? FUCK YOU and THIS WHOLE FAMILY I am done with all this fucking bullshit, ask your preciouse daughter who the baby she is carring belongs to because it's NOT MINE and I am filing for a divorce" so he walked out of the door got in the Van and left, he left the kids and me at my mom's house
Well my family didn't even know I was pregnant let alone, that it was not DH's. So of couse once DH leaves, everyone (Mom, Dad, SIL, Brother) turn to me, by now I am in tears and I can't even form words. I just run off to the other room and shut the door, SIL follows me and just sits next to me and ask what happened. I tell her all about Co-worker and the one night thing and how I am pregnant and it is Co-workers. She looks at me in shock and then hugs me and tells me, it will be okay. I just lay down and soon one by one my family comes down, everyone is VERY dissapointed in me and dad yells a lot and then leaves says he is not dealing with this shit and wanted to smack me for being so stupid!! but the rest of them said they would support me no matter what I do.
As for DH I have no Idea where he took off to and he won't answer his phone, I am stuck at moms with the kids until I can get car seats to take the kiddo's home. My brother is trying to get a hold of DH, just to see if he can get our Van with the seats back for the kids and get DH the other car. My brother is PISSED at me and DH but he is my brother and just wants to try and help.
Another Update
So the kids and I landed up spending Christmas night at my moms, My brother finally got ahold of DH and convinced him to bring us back the Van so we could go home. DH came and picked us up and took us home, he then packed a couple of bags and took the car and went to his moms. He says he is staying there until he gets his head together. He also says he is going to file for divorce this week, that he just can't stand to be around me. He hugged the kids told them he loves them.
I told him I understand and didn't expect anything less, he also said that he wants a paternity test on all the kids, That hurt but I agreed, I mean hell it was a resonable request on his part. I know all 3 of our kids are his.
As for Coworker, we are back at work, it seems everyone knows but that was expected. I don't know if he has told his wife yet or not, we havn't really talked. That's somthing HE has to deal with.
Update
My DH filed for divorce, but wants to keep things civil for the kids so we are trying to at least be friendly for the kids sake. As for custody, He wants a 50/50 thing, he wants the kids on his day off and every other weekend and alternate holidays. I am totally fine with that arrangement.
Coworker finally told he wife, as far as I know she is staying with him, but really at this point that is no concern of mine.
I did find out I am having a little boy. I am happy for that, So thats where it is so far.
I feel sorry for your husband and kids.
All I can say is "Wow, people are so selfish and self centered." It never ceases to amaze me that people only think of themselves in "the heat of the moment" , then once they are forced to face the consequences they want understanding and sympathy. You did not think of anyone but yourself when you cheated. Now you have no choice but to face the ones you hurt by doing that. That said, I wish you a healthy baby.
I refuse to conform, I refuse to take crap from others, I am a sassy, smart, honest, fabulous and sexy Texas Mama.
Save The Planet- Go Green!
what to do when the special needs kid is the bully?
Have you ever kept a secret from your spouse?