Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Family Drama (Long Story) Wondering what I should do... Update in green

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

I hate for my first post to be so long, but you will need the background to understand what's going on. I will try to be as brief as possible.

Three years ago my brother had surgery to remove a plum sized tumor from his right frontal lobe. It was cancerous (stage 3). He was treated with radiation and chemo. He is now officially in remission with zero regrowth! That's the good news. The bad news is that the surgery left him with some mild cognative disabilities. Basically, he is now like a super intelligent 13 yr. old. His personality has changed. He is rude, inconsiderate, lazy, and does strange things just to see if he can get away with it (examples: peeing on the rug in front of the toilet rather than IN the toilet...playing video games all day and into the night...if you ask him to do something, like take out the trash, he says "okay" then doesn't do it) The frontal lobe is the behavioral center of the brain and his is missing a huge piece.

His wife left him in 2011. Basically, she dumped him on my doorstep. There is alot more to this part of the story, but it's not important to my question...His behavior caused so much stress in my household because A.) He has outbursts where he yells and swears and uses racial slurs. I have to protect my daughter and her friends from that! B.) My dh doesn't seem to be able to deal with his behaviors and attitude, or doesn't want to. He was constantly irritable and stressed by it to the point that being in the room with my brother pissed him off. C.) I worry about him, about dh, about dd all the time.

It reached a point in Feb. that I became severely depressed and suicidal. I was hospitalized for a few weeks and then went through outpatient therapy. It got so bad we had to send my brother to live with our Dad and I have a lot of guilty feelings about that.

NOW...My dad has a New Year's Eve celebration for the family every year. Last week he called and said he was thinking of doing it over the weekend, instead of the actual day. Fine...Last night I talked to him and he decided to go ahead and do the offical New Year's Eve. I told dh and he looked upset. I asked why and he doesn't want to have to make the four hour drive home on Jan. 1 when he has to be at work on the 2nd. Also, his favorite team has a game on New Year's Day and he doesn't want to miss it. (Yes, I think he's  being a big baby! There are much bigger issues with this visit!)

Do we go to my Dad's as a family so he can support me when my step mom tries to make me feel guilty for not being able to handle the situation with my brother? Do we all stay home and skip it this year? Or, do I leave my dh at home and just take dd?(Which I know he will argue about)

 

UPDATE: DH just called from work and said, "I know I threw a fit over nothing last night and I'm sorry. I went ahead and took Jan. 2nd off, too. We can go to your Pop's and stay for the football game and it won't matter what time we get home on the first."

I knew there was a reason I love him!

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:26 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
CeeGee81
by CanadaGirl on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:32 AM
1 mom liked this

I would skip it.

JenB1983
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:34 AM
It's a 4 hour drive......not 14. Your DH should suck it up in my opinion and either go or chose to stay and not act like a little brat about it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mandahoney
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:38 AM

 I would skip it. 

southern.momof2
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:39 AM
I would probably skip it and just plan on doing something with DH and DD.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Amanda52007
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:40 AM
Skip it!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Refurbished
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:41 AM

Leave DH at home.  If you want to go, then go with your kids.  If you don't, stay home with DH.

mama_2_jasper
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:41 AM
Let DH stay. He doesn't want to go, so go alone.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Gardeningmom4
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:46 AM

Is it a four hour drive there and back or a four hour drive there than a four hour drive back?Personally I would skip it and do something with my own family and skip all the drama.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:46 AM
I would go, it is family! If you DH doesnt want to go then hé doesnt have to but hé is acting like a baby. He doesnt have to like that you are going, he just has to deal with it. How would he feel if you didn't want to see his family during the holiday?
PinkyPan
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:46 AM

I would skip it. Start the new year with no drama.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)