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S/O is on his last chance! (very long but I need help!)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 54 Replies
Our DS is nearing 5 months old and I dont know if I should leave S/O or not...


When DS was born S/O worked from 6am-4:30pm and helped with nothing. Never got up at night (still doesnt), doesnt clean except once in a blue moon when he will load the dishwasher or pick up some clutter, he used to cook dinner but now he cant because he's working night shift, now so he doesnt cook at all.


We have had many discussions about the possibility of me and DS leaving if he doesnt change his tune. He started changing a few diapers and caring for DS at least some of the time. Then he decided to change to night shift so he could be home more during the day and because he'd get a raise so he works from 4pm-2am now. But now he does NOTHING AT ALL. He gets out of work and hangs around with coworkers for a bit, comes home and showers, eats and watches TV until almost 5am and then at 10am when I try to wake him to help me clean or to go do the errands we have to do he freaks! My thought is this: come right home and eat and go to bed around 3am, sleep until around 10am (thats 7 hours of sleep, I dont get half of that) and then get up and help me until you start getting ready for work around 2:30pm. Its noon and he's still asleep. I am a SAHM but have a part time job (someone else watches DS while I work), clean the whole house, cook all my meals and watch DS probably 95% of the time. I feel like he can take care of our son more than 5% of the time!


He also does the dumbest things with our son! (Not because he wants to hurt him but because he doesnt think these things are dangerous) Like this morning DS woke up at 7:30am and I was trying to keep him in bed for another hour so I could sleep and he was just babbling quietly in his crib. S/O wakes up and is like "Feed him or something! Just shut him up!" I said "I have been trying to nurse him back to sleep for 40 minutes, he's not hungry." DS hears us talking and knows we're awake so he starts to cry so he can be held. I pick him up and he has a poopie diaper so I turn on a little bit of light so I can see to change him and S/O freaks out and starts calling me names. I put DS on his playmat in the livingroom so I can take a quick shower (we have no animals and he isnt mobile yet so he wouldnt get hurt) and I get out of the shower and S/O had just put a quilt over him and his playmat! It was like a tent so it wasnt ON DS but what if he'd grabbed the blanket and gotten tangled up in it!! It takes minutes to suffocate and die! So I FREAKED out on S/O about how stupid and dangerous that was and he calls me a cunt and storms back in the bedroom and goes to sleep.


I cant ever leave him alone with DS because I'm afraid he will do something stupid like this.


S/O refuses to take a baby class, he flies off the handle and starts calling me names a lot and does dumb things with DS that could be potentially dangerous.


If I leave I will not get child support (I know this for a fact and would rather not go into detail), I have no car or savings because I give all my money to S/O for bills and only get 2 days a week at my job (they will not give me more hours and I've been searching for another job for MONTHS).


If I leave I dont know how I will support DS by myself with this shitty job. If I had a better job I'd already be gone. What the hell do I do? Does anyone have any idea's on how to get him to help out or how to get him to understand how certain things are very dangerous to do to a baby?!?


P.S. S/O was not like this before our son came. He was great. Helped me clean and never called me names unless we were in a very heated arguement. I had no idea he would change after a baby.

**EDIT** Some of you are under the impression I do not cook or clean at all. Not true. I have not taken 1 nap since DS was born. EVERY time he is alseep I clean. Also, he is "high needs" and screams bloody murder EVERY time I put him down which is why I cant do anything when he's awake. I've asked S/O just to hold DS while I clean and he puts him down after like 5 minutes.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:18 PM

have you been looking for a better job? As far as cleaning as such, I dont have my DH do any of that including cooking so for that reason I wouldnt tell you to leave him HOWEVER he does sound like hes being lazy which is not good! That child is half his and he should be doing better. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:23 PM
I've been looking for another job for over 6 months unfortunately. Its the stupid things he does around DS that is pushing me over the edge!


Quoting Anonymous:

have you been looking for a better job? As far as cleaning as such, I dont have my DH do any of that including cooking so for that reason I wouldnt tell you to leave him HOWEVER he does sound like hes being lazy which is not good! That child is half his and he should be doing better. 


TiffanyRose06
by Queso<3 on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:26 PM

Do you have any family or friends near by?

AnHpuresugar
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:30 PM

I wouldn't leave him for not helping around the house or sleeping from 5am to 12am.  The night shift is so hard.  You feel like you are never rested even when you get 7 hours of sleep.  It takes a toll on your physical health too.

I would never let anyone call me a "cunt" though.  I also would have been highly offended by his statement to "just shut him up!" about his child.  WTF?  He does not respect you.

If you have been looking for a job and can't find one then maybe you need to leave and file for public assistance.  Just be aware that he is entitled to placement and shared custody of your son.  If he uses the time he is awarded your son will be alone with him.  It will be short periods of time while he is young and breastfed but then it will increase as he gets older.

He has to pay you child support.  Just file and let them garnish the amount from his paycheck.

Noobroob
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this
You sound really young. I would never bitch at my husband for petty bullshit. He works, you stay at home. IMO you should be the one cleaning and cooking and getting up with the baby. How hard can it be to clean when it's only you? He's at work and the baby isn't mobile. Are you a pig or something?
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lv_my_babies
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like my EX-husband. Leave and leave now! I moved into my parents house with my two kids and I am doing my best to get on my feet, it takes time.

Good luck!

Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:38 PM
His hours are hard, I really wouldn't expect him to do much more than interact with the baby. If you're only working two days a week, you should be able to handle the housekeeping, and cooking.

I am concerned about his temper problem. Regardless of whether the baby is not mobile or not, put the baby in a bouncy seat or something and bring him in the bathroom with you.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:39 PM
Actually I work 2 days a week so I pay bills too. My son is "high needs" and screams bloody murder when he isnt held. Yes, I am young, I'm in my early 20s but I have always cooked and cleaned and now that I have a baby that thinks he needs to be held 24/7 its MUCH harder. And HE is the pig. If he cooks something he leaves all the dishes with food in them to sit there until I clean it up and all the ingredients all over the counter, showers and leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, ect. Its not petty of me to be pissed when I get like 4 hours if broken up sleep each night and he wants to sleep for 10+ hours every day and help with NOTHING!


Quoting Noobroob:

You sound really young. I would never bitch at my husband for petty bullshit. He works, you stay at home. IMO you should be the one cleaning and cooking and getting up with the baby. How hard can it be to clean when it's only you? He's at work and the baby isn't mobile. Are you a pig or something?

Melissa_4
by Navy Mom on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:40 PM

I'm not sure why you "know" you wouldn't get CS when it's your bf's kid.  That's just bullshit.  

Since you're not married, I'd apply for CS anyway, along with food stamps and anything else you can get for your child before the end of the year.  It's not worth staying together when you can't stand him anymore.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:40 PM
No. My mother lives an hour away and has a house full of kids so we ant move in with her. I only have 1 aunt and uncle and my uncle is dying and 1 older brother who has a 1br condo. Everyone would "love to help but cant".


Quoting TiffanyRose06:

Do you have any family or friends near by?


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