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what would YOU do???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

A little background, my ex Husband gave our kids who were 8 and 9 at the time (3 years ago) Blackberry Curve cell phones.  I had no idea he was planning on eventually taking me to court for custody of our kids.  Well, he's a very tech-savvy freak weirdo, and he had installed on these phones an illegal spy program that allowed him to turn on the kids cell phones and access the mic and camera remotely and without any indication to anyone that he was doing so.  He was able to track us with the phones GPS as well.  With this, he made recordings of goings- on in my house and them manipulated those recordings to make it sound like whatever he wanted to go on was happening.  I never listened to the recordings, but I had them described to me by my attorney and I remember parts of the conversations that were mentioned, but they were not conversations with my children and nothing illegal was happening.  One was just me yelling at an ex-boyfriend, and he manipulated that to make it sould like I was yelling at my kids.  ANYHOW, that is beside the point.  The point is the complete violation of privacy that I experienced.  The FBI couldn't do anything about it - they have "bigger fish to fry", and I would have had to pursue the matter through civil court, which I could NOT afford to do at the time, when I was already paying an attorney re the custody stuff.  

Anyhow, fast forward to NOW.  My ex will only let me speak to my children when they are with him over a speakerphone on his phone.  And he has now demanded that I use Skype to talk to the kids when he has them.  MY issue is I'm afrais he has some way to manipulate Skype so that even when I'm not using the computer to talk to the kids, he will be able to access our computer at my house and the camera, etc.  He's making my kids believe that I don't want to talk to them or see them while he has them, but the matter is I don't trust him.  I don't know if Skype can be manipulated that way, or if he's using it as a medium to hack into our computer to do  God-knows-what.  


Would you just take your chances, or would you say "HELL NO"???

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:03 PM
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Replies (1-9):
nathansmommy331
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:13 PM
He sounds psycho. Did he get primary custody? If not & if the kids are only there for short periods of time then there should be no reason for Skype. You can just use the phone.
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Famousglm714
by Gina on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:15 PM
I'm not sure if that's possible through Skype but you never know. He sounds really strange. Sorry op.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:17 PM

I have heard stories of people somehow turning webcams on them and manipulating stuff. I'm not tech savvy and don't have a webcam, I've just heard stories - some here on cafemom. I'd be worried too in your shoes. He's too controlling - enough that I'm worried about emotional and possibly verbal abuse.

PitbullPrincess
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:18 PM

Wow, that's freakin' nuts.  I'd ask your lawyer about that.


Mamasgirl524
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Dang that's pretty scary. He sounds psycho.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:39 PM

As of right now, he does have primary custody.  When he went after custody, he retained a VERY expensive and high powered attorney.  They made some false accusations, but I couldn't afford an attorney anywhere NEAR the caliber that he had.  The main hinderance to my getting custody, was that through all of the custody "battle" stuff, he was given temporary custody until we went back to court, which got re-scheduled and re-scheduled and re-scheduled and ended up costing SOOO much money that I didn't have.  Anyhow, I had pretty much no emotional support through all of this and I became depressed.  Especially with people telling me that there was no way for me to win with the discrepancy in income that my ex and I had.  I was coming home from work every night to an empty apartment, going into my kids rooms, snuggling in their beds and crying hysterically, etc.  One night I came home and cut my wrists.  I got into the bathtub and turned the water on, but I passed out and flooded the neighbors downstairs.  They called the manager who busted in to my apt and had me taken to the hospital where they kept me for 7 days.  I lost my job while I was in there, too.  Well, needless to say, by the time we were scheduled to mediate and go back to court, I was in NO position to fight for custody of my kids.   Even though my diagnosis was just a single episode of severe depression.  So, I agreed to the terms I was offered, and figured I would go back to court after I could prove my case to a judge.  Now, he won't let me see or talk to my kids (even though I am supposed to have visitation through our order)  - except via Skype.  I'm just terrified of the door I'm opening.


And before you crucify me for doing what I did...  I have never hurt my children.  I have no drug or alcohol problems.  I am not a criminal, or an abuser.  I have a psychotic ex who will stop at nothing to make me suffer for leaving him.  Both of my children want to live with their mother.  I go to work everyday, have a home, a husband, a stepchild.  But I made a terrible decision that I would never chose again.  

kitchen.ninja
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Maybe you should cover the computers camera when not using it? I would Skype with them and see if you can record the conversations on your end.
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mich.el.le
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:51 PM

BUMP!

piratehooker
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:55 PM
My ex is kind of as controlling as this. I'm so sorry.


Quoting Anonymous:

As of right now, he does have primary custody.  When he went after custody, he retained a VERY expensive and high powered attorney.  They made some false accusations, but I couldn't afford an attorney anywhere NEAR the caliber that he had.  The main hinderance to my getting custody, was that through all of the custody "battle" stuff, he was given temporary custody until we went back to court, which got re-scheduled and re-scheduled and re-scheduled and ended up costing SOOO much money that I didn't have.  Anyhow, I had pretty much no emotional support through all of this and I became depressed.  Especially with people telling me that there was no way for me to win with the discrepancy in income that my ex and I had.  I was coming home from work every night to an empty apartment, going into my kids rooms, snuggling in their beds and crying hysterically, etc.  One night I came home and cut my wrists.  I got into the bathtub and turned the water on, but I passed out and flooded the neighbors downstairs.  They called the manager who busted in to my apt and had me taken to the hospital where they kept me for 7 days.  I lost my job while I was in there, too.  Well, needless to say, by the time we were scheduled to mediate and go back to court, I was in NO position to fight for custody of my kids.   Even though my diagnosis was just a single episode of severe depression.  So, I agreed to the terms I was offered, and figured I would go back to court after I could prove my case to a judge.  Now, he won't let me see or talk to my kids (even though I am supposed to have visitation through our order)  - except via Skype.  I'm just terrified of the door I'm opening.


And before you crucify me for doing what I did...  I have never hurt my children.  I have no drug or alcohol problems.  I am not a criminal, or an abuser.  I have a psychotic ex who will stop at nothing to make me suffer for leaving him.  Both of my children want to live with their mother.  I go to work everyday, have a home, a husband, a stepchild.  But I made a terrible decision that I would never chose again.  


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