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What am I supposed to do?!?!? *UPDATE* So upset right now, really need someone to talk to!! :'(

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:11 PM
  • 53 Replies

My gf just sent me a pic of her positive pregnancy test. She has a ds that will be two in feb and she does NOT want to be pregnant. I'm the only person she feels she can go to with this but I just don't know what to say to her. She knows I miscarried in September and for the most part I am okay talking about it with her. I just don't know how to console someone with an unwanted pregnancy when I desperately wish every day that I was still pregnant. I am just speechless, I want to help her but I just can't find the words.


**UPDATE**

I haven't been responding to her texts today and she just keeps sending them. The last one is that she did the chinese calendar for ds and it always said boy, when she did it for this pregnancy it says girl so she is going to go through with the pregnancy. She knows how bad dh and I were wanting a girl, why would she send this to me? Is she really that dumb that she doesn't realize how bad that hurts me. So now suddenly because some bs gender thing says you're going to have a girl NOW you decide to keep the baby. I just want to drive to her house and punch her right now. :(


**I have since responded to her and have done my best to put my feelings aside to continue to be a supportive friend. I feel mad at her for not putting my feelings into consideration but I know she has a lot of emotions going through her own head right now. That is why I came here, to get my feelings out here since I can't tell her how I'm feeling. Whatever her decision I will continue to be a good friend and support her. It will be hard and painful for me, but I will keep those feelings to myself so I can be there for her.**

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
aimhawk
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:14 PM

Maybe if you and your husband were up for it you could offer to adopt her child...

michellej428
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:19 PM
No, that's not really an option. Her bf has been dh's best friend since they were like 6 and we are all very close but we're just not in a position to do that. If she does carry this baby to term there's no way she could give it up, especially to her best friend that she talks to daily and see's once a week. Right now I'm just trying to find ways to comfort her and help her decide what to do or make a plan for the future. They currently rent two rooms of a four bedroom house they share with two of our male friends. It's not ideal as it is with the one child let alone two and they are in no position financially to raise another baby or find another place to live. She's screwed, I really don't know what she is going to do. Her n bf have a very rocky relationship too..idk why people allow themselves to get in these situations.

Quoting aimhawk:

Maybe if you and your husband were up for it you could offer to adopt her child...

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
aimhawk
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:26 PM

Wow. What a situation. I wouldn't even know where to begin to give advice with all of that.

Quoting michellej428:

No, that's not really an option. Her bf has been dh's best friend since they were like 6 and we are all very close but we're just not in a position to do that. If she does carry this baby to term there's no way she could give it up, especially to her best friend that she talks to daily and see's once a week. Right now I'm just trying to find ways to comfort her and help her decide what to do or make a plan for the future. They currently rent two rooms of a four bedroom house they share with two of our male friends. It's not ideal as it is with the one child let alone two and they are in no position financially to raise another baby or find another place to live. She's screwed, I really don't know what she is going to do. Her n bf have a very rocky relationship too..idk why people allow themselves to get in these situations.
endoftheworld
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:28 PM

She needs to do what is right for her. If she wants or feels she needs an abortion, she should do it. If she doesn't want an abortion but doesn't want a baby she needs to look into adoption. But ultimately this is her decision. You can just be an ear.

michellej428
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:36 PM
Thank you. That is what i just told her. Told her not to make any rash decisions, she has time to figure out what's best for them. She's very early in her pregnancy, her period isn't even late yet, so it could be a false positive/bad test?! But she has time
To figure it out. I had an abortion when my ds was 10 months old in 2008 and now that I have miscarried I have a HUGE amount of guilt and regret and I just don't want her to ever go through what I am. But she has to do what's right for her.


Quoting endoftheworld:

She needs to do what is right for her. If she wants or feels she needs an abortion, she should do it. If she doesn't want an abortion but doesn't want a baby she needs to look into adoption. But ultimately this is her decision. You can just be an ear.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this

She really does NOT want to be pregnant, she should have taken precautions or just kept her knees together. I don´t feel sorry for her. 

Just like another mom has already said... maybe you can talk about adoption..? Would that even be an option for you and your husband? 

michellej428
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:50 PM
Part of me feels like you do but she's my friend and I know shes freaking out and hurting and mad at herself. She stopped taking birth control two months ago because she was having bad reactions to it. I told her to be SUPER careful but apparently she thinks pulling out is effective..Um no! Adoption wouldn't really be an option for us or her and her bf. I wish it were but that would never happen. She either aborts it or keeps it.

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

She really does NOT want to be pregnant, she should have taken precautions or just kept her knees together. I don´t feel sorry for her. 

Just like another mom has already said... maybe you can talk about adoption..? Would that even be an option for you and your husband? 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:10 AM
1 mom liked this

She does not appear to be very smart. Abortion or keeping it... if she decides to abort the child, an innocent life pays for her stupidity. Friend or not, I would let her know that she is dumb, or this will happen again. 

I wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your husband can welcome a little one into this world very soon. :) 

Quoting michellej428:

Part of me feels like you do but she's my friend and I know shes freaking out and hurting and mad at herself. She stopped taking birth control two months ago because she was having bad reactions to it. I told her to be SUPER careful but apparently she thinks pulling out is effective..Um no! Adoption wouldn't really be an option for us or her and her bf. I wish it were but that would never happen. She either aborts it or keeps it.

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

She really does NOT want to be pregnant, she should have taken precautions or just kept her knees together. I don´t feel sorry for her. 

Just like another mom has already said... maybe you can talk about adoption..? Would that even be an option for you and your husband? 


melschlegs
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:12 AM

As I'm sure you know, there generally isn't a "right" thing to say to someone when they are devastated.  I would just invite her over or go to her house so that she can vent and talk, and just be there to listen.

michellej428
by Emerald Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:15 AM
Thank you! Hopefully we'll start trying again in a few months if I'm ready. I agree, not bright! I don't necessarily agree with abortion especially now that ive had a loss but it's her choice and I'll support her either way. If she is really pregnant she would have only concieved about two weeks ago so I'm hoping for a false positive or a bad test..that would be the best outcome at this point.

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

She does not appear to be very smart. Abortion or keeping it... if she decides to abort the child, an innocent life pays for her stupidity. Friend or not, I would let her know that she is dumb, or this will happen again. 

I wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your husband can welcome a little one into this world very soon. :) 

Quoting michellej428:

Part of me feels like you do but she's my friend and I know shes freaking out and hurting and mad at herself. She stopped taking birth control two months ago because she was having bad reactions to it. I told her to be SUPER careful but apparently she thinks pulling out is effective..Um no! Adoption wouldn't really be an option for us or her and her bf. I wish it were but that would never happen. She either aborts it or keeps it.



Quoting AtillaTheHun:

She really does NOT want to be pregnant, she should have taken precautions or just kept her knees together. I don´t feel sorry for her. 

Just like another mom has already said... maybe you can talk about adoption..? Would that even be an option for you and your husband? 


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