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Another MIL vent. I'm so sick of her threats! Partly PIOG.

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:19 AM
  • 28 Replies

When I was little I went through hell with CPS, and the local laws in our area. They are absolutely crooked around here. It's a huge long story that I'd like to just skip, but I always felt that CPS took me from a loving home under false allegations. My mom did eventually get me back, but had to go to court numerous times.

Now I'm grown, married, own a home and two vehicles, have one dd and another on the way. And I've got this HUGE fear in the back of my mind that the same thing will happen to me.

Because of it, it's triggered what feels like OCD. I can't sit down and relax if something is out of place, just for the fear that CPS will show up at my door. We don't do anything for me to feel like this, but I just can't help it.

MIL's threats are leading to even more anxiety. When dd was about 6 months, MIL and dh got into an argument because of the favoritism she shows towards BIL's son. We quit going to visit for a while, but told MIL if she or FIL wanted to see dd all they had to do was come see us. The really awful thing is damn near everyday she would go pick up BIL's son (THEY LIVE RIGHT ACROSS THE ROAD!). They would see us sitting on our porch, dd in her swing, and not even acknowledge our existence. So we just gave up.

About a month later, DH's cousin told me that MIL had made plans to report us to CPS, so they could get custody of dd. We had nothing to hide, but after the shit I went through I wasn't having it. I told dh we have to straighten this out. We went over there and I told MIL I was not going to live in fear of loosing my little girl. She agreed that is was out of line, and her and FIL said it wouldn't happen again.

Well, this July shit hit the fan again. We really needed MIL to keep dd for an hour, but she refused. She had BIL's son the whole week before, and had him this night also. Well..it pissed dh off a little more than normal. He told her fine if she ever wanted to see dd again she knew where we lived.

A month went by..They went over to get BIL's son but wouldn't even look in our direction. The first time dd screamed "HI PAPA!!" and he jumped in his truck and left. This hurt me soooo much...more than anything else this whole time. I was done. I wasn't about to let dd be hurt because of their stubbornness. 

Another month went by, and again we heard that they had talked to a lawyer to get "grandparent's rights?!" to have dd the whole weekend. That's what this whole thing was about! Them not wanting anything to do with her! Now..I guess just to hurt us..they were fixing to take us to court and have CPS come out to do a home study! REALLY?!

We swallowed our pride and went over there and apologized. MIL had to show me all these pictures of them taking BIL's son to Magic Springs.."and how much fun he had"....Ugh!

Now we have another little one on the way, and MIL hasn't even acknowledged that I'm pregnant. All she talks about it BIL's gf (the other bil) being pregnant and what a good mommy she'll make. (she's 4 freaking weeks ahead of me for Chirst's sake!)

The favoritism has become even worse. And I must have pissed MIL off somehow because she's been making these little jabs at me every time I see her. She is CONSTANTLY putting DH down, and praising BIL like he's fucking God! I can feel it about to blow again..

I'm so scared..I haven't really had anything to worry about up until now. But if we have a little boy, dd and him will be sharing a room after the first year, until we can build on. I'm so scared CPS could use that against us..This was the part posted in another group...

My question is..

Is there anyone I can notify about MIL's threats? Let them know my MIL keeps threatening to call them if something doesn't go her way? Would this be better or just raise red flags in their eyes?  

*After re-reading this, I'm starting to see we're doing just what she wants us to. It's like we're encouraging the bad behavior, lol! Every time she makes a threat, we come crawling right back! Next time I'm going to tell her to go ahead..maybe facing my fears would be the best thing. 

Still if anyone has any words of wisdom, or if you think I'm over-reacting, please let me know! If it were you what would you do? I don't wanna cut them out completely. I want her to know her grandparents, when they are on their good side. Besides, dh is too close to his family I don't think he could do it.  

CafeMom Tickers
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AllofFive19
by Emerald Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Talk to a lawyer about the threats. I would. They're uncalled for. Prove that they haven't been involved in your daughter's life. Document times that you ask them to take her and they refuse. They have to prove them getting to see her or anything is in the kids' best interest.

SOCO101
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:27 AM


Quoting AllofFive19:

Talk to a lawyer about the threats. I would. They're uncalled for. Prove that they haven't been involved in your daughter's life. Document times that you ask them to take her and they refuse. They have to prove them getting to see her or anything is in the kids' best interest.

Do I need to just right down the dates and what happened? Haha, today would be one!

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AllofFive19
by Emerald Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Ya like, December 19, 2012- Asked MIL to watch DD for a period of X hours. MIL refused. 

List a reason if there is one. If she says yes, list that too. It;s a bitch recording all that stuff and depressing too, but it can help.

BraydensMama163
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:30 AM
2 moms liked this
They can't get grandparents rights just to have her every other weekend. That's insane. I have how people try to threaten grandparents rights. Its only for when they are not allowed to see the kid like if you and dh split and you decides none of his family was allowed around her.

Next time this happens tell her to call. If that's what she wants fine. You will bake a cake and serve the case worker tea. They can't do anything.
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SOCO101
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:31 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting AllofFive19:

Ya like, December 19, 2012- Asked MIL to watch DD for a period of X hours. MIL refused. 

List a reason if there is one. If she says yes, list that too. It;s a bitch recording all that stuff and depressing too, but it can help.

Alright, thanks! I'll start doing that!

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:31 AM
What kind of treats? Like cookies, muffins, cupcakes? I love treats.
SOCO101
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:32 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

What kind of treats? Like cookies, muffins, cupcakes? I love treats.

Bahahah! I just realized that, I fixed it;)

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Jers.
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree - talk to a lawyer and document everything.

Is your MIL's name Carol??!  My ex MIL was the same, but we didn't feed into it and she got the picture rather quickly so stop doing that! lol

Grandparent rights are not guaranteed and I don't see it happening in this situation.

As for CPS - I wouldn't worry.  I know it's hard to not to given what you've gone through in the past, but young siblings of the opposite sex sharing a room is perfectly acceptable as far I know.

Good luck! 


Quoting AllofFive19:

Talk to a lawyer about the threats. I would. They're uncalled for. Prove that they haven't been involved in your daughter's life. Document times that you ask them to take her and they refuse. They have to prove them getting to see her or anything is in the kids' best interest.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:33 AM
1 mom liked this
:p

Quoting SOCO101:


Quoting Anonymous:

What kind of treats? Like cookies, muffins, cupcakes? I love treats.

Bahahah! I just realized that, I fixed it;)

Jamie1972
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:35 AM
3 moms liked this

CAll her bluff. And if by the off chance cps does show up invite them in offer a drink and a snck and show them your home. After they leave knowing that they wasted their time with a false accusation tell your mil to f off and if she truly loved her grandchild she would be this petty.

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