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I made my mother cry today

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:26 PM
  • 21 Replies

I posted a while back that she's in prison at the moment, and wanted to see me and my daughter. I left my daughter with my brother and went to see her this morning.

It started with small talk and all that. Then she asked me if we could forget everything in the past. (Everything being her abandoning us and her beating my brother/attempting to beat me, her drug use, innapropriete comments, etc.) I said no. I told her I couldn't forget all of that, not for her. That maybe, over time, if she got better, I could. But I'm not going to forgive and forget just to have her be the same person when she gets out. She asked about my daughter and I told her that it's none of her business; she will not be considered a grandma, not by me, at least, until I see improvement and forgive her for what she's done. And that I don't see that happening for a long time. She cried, and said she tried her best. I told her to stop feeling sorry for herself, that the only thing she tried to do was get high, and that if she was really sorry, she would show me through improvement. She said okay and we made and plans for another visit, after New Years. Then, I left. 

I feel bad, now, though. I think I may have been to harsh on her...was I?

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:29 PM
2 moms liked this

Your mom is in prison and your worried you were too harsh? I think you did just fine.

Sj218
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I think you did a great job! You set healthy boundaries and reasonable expectations. It's not easy, but you did the right thing. Now go do something nice for yourself:)
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KarriePlus1
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:31 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Your mom is in prison and your worried you were too harsh? I think you did just fine.

I just kind of feel bad for making her cry. I meant every word that I said, but I feel like I could have told her in a more....gentle way. :/

hplesha
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Not really because it's the truth and it gives her something to think about and now it's up to her to come up with a plan to fix it.
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SusieQue717
by Gold Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:34 PM

no, you did good! 

KarriePlus1
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:36 PM

Thank you guys. :] I don't feel like such a mean asshat anymore.

KrissyKC
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Decide what your boundary and expectations are.   For example...

"Mom, I know you need some hope for the future, and maybe in the future we can have a better relationship.   When it comes to my daughter, though, a relationship with her is going to have to be earned.   I feel if you can be a mom to me for at least 1 whole year after you get out of prison, then we can start introducing you as grandma a little at a time.   I know you don't want to make the same mistakes with my DD as you did with me."


DEJavu17
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:38 PM
This.

Quoting KrissyKC:

Decide what your boundary and expectations are.   For example...

"Mom, I know you need some hope for the future, and maybe in the future we can have a better relationship.   When it comes to my daughter, though, a relationship with her is going to have to be earned.   I feel if you can be a mom to me for at least 1 whole year after you get out of prison, then we can start introducing you as grandma a little at a time.   I know you don't want to make the same mistakes with my DD as you did with me."


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:39 PM


Quoting KarriePlus1:

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Your mom is in prison and your worried you were too harsh? I think you did just fine.

I just kind of feel bad for making her cry. I meant every word that I said, but I feel like I could have told her in a more....gentle way. :/

Sometimes people need the truth. If she did everything you say,she doesn't need gentle, she needs to know you will not tolerate her behavior. I understand feeling bad for making her cry but you have to think about everything she did that was wrong, she has to understand you will not go back on your word, that you need her to change for herself and for you and your daughter. Stay strong, if she really does want to change she will.

EachNewBreath
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:40 PM

So hard to say. I think that you delt a harsh blow out of love. I think that she was crying and hurt because she knew it was true and HOPEFULLY the thought of being able to see her beautiful grandbaby will help her move forward with her life.

*hugs* i understand and I am sorry that some of us didnt get parents who acted like parents or even adults

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