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Military Wives: How to handle co-workers overstepping bounds, without going to CO? (Long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 119 Replies

My husband has this co-worker, Katie, who consistently oversteps the logical boundaries of a married man. At first, it seemed relatively innocent, just a lonely girl who wanted some company. During comm school they were close, hung out together, and were generally friendly. She is missing her boyfriend of three years, so I understand wanting to surround herself with people.But, long story short, she's a controlling psycho and can't let go of my husband.


Initially, it was little things like him skipping a phonecall because she needed someone to talk to. I was mostly ok with that. But after a while she started asking him to stay there with her on the weekends when he was able to come home. He didn't, but it bothered me that she would even ask. A couple times she came to our place to spend her time off during the weekends, which was also fine.


Now, I was stupid at one point, and would like if no one bashed me, but I know I fucked up. I was under the impression that she was 22, so when my husband and I were having a few drinks, I thought nothing of her also partaking. I came to find out later that she was only 18, and felt like a total moron. This will matter again later.


She got more and more clingy with my husband as things went on. When we got our station, she got the same one. In the weeks before I could follow my husband, she did things with him like hang out in her barracks and watch movies, or take him for dinner, just generally doing very couple-y things. My husband and I have a very relaxed rule about these things, and he wasn't hiding anything from me, so I tried not to worry too much.


After I moved out here with my husband, I did my best to make her feel like she was welcome to hang out at our house, like she had someplace to go that wasn't the barracks. She and my husband went running together twice a week, and she would stay for dinner afterwards.


They ran marathons together, and the day before a marathon they liked to go out for a high-carb dinner. My husband wanted to bring me (duh), and she got offended. She tried to tell him that he couldn't bring me. He, of course, put a quick stop to that.


One weekend, during an airshow, Katie asked for a ride to the post office. We had a bunch of errands to run that day, but we told her we would try. Upon trying to drive across the base to pick her up, we got ushered off base. Traffic was a nightmare. We told her we just wouldn't be able to do it, because it was going to take an hour or more just to get to her with traffic the way it was. She texted my husband berating him for 'fucking her over' and told him 'well this is how its gona go tomaro. u will pick me up at noon and we will go get our papers, then u and me, not ***** (myself), will go to olive garden and carbo load'


I flipped the fuck out on her. I told her she needed to back the fuck off, that not even I demand shit from my husband, and that attempting to exclude me was a stupid move. She apologized, citing her frustration over being away from her boyfriend for causing the outburst. I put her kind of on probation; told her if she pulled some shit like that again she wouldn't be talking to my husband at all outside of work, or soming over, or any of it. She cleaned up her act for a while, but recently she has been overstepping again.


She and another co-worker and my husband and I were all going to go to IHOP for breakfast one morning, and she texted my husband telling him that there wasn't room in the car for me. I figured they were going to come and pick him up, so I told him to go with them by himself. Come to find out later, they were taking the car that my husband and I share, but they wanted to take someone else with them, and the baby and I would not fit with the four of them. Had I known that, I would have told her to find her own ride, or to walk since it was only a couple blocks away, but whatever, I digress. She muscled me out of breakfast with the group, by telling me I couldn't ride in my own car.


On another occasion a few weeks later, I gave her a ride to the local frozen yogurt place when I happened to be heading that direction anyways, and we started talking on the way. I was talking about how stressful it is to not know what's going on with my husband most of the time, and she told me 'well you just have to get used to it. you'll never understand him the way I do because we are both marines and I went through boot camp like he did and you will just never understand that part of him.' While I understand that technically this is largely true, the condescending tone that she used and the implication that she knows him better than I bugged me. I less-than-gently reminded her that he and I lost a child together, and that we have another child together, and that no boot camp, no creed, no uniform can make that go away.


The next day, my husband came home from work very angry. When I asked him what happened, he said that Katie had told his CO that he knowingly supplied alcohol to a minor, and that he was threatened with some disciplinary board over it. He did not previously know that she was under 21, and he didn't end up getting in trouble, but I feel that it's pertinent information.


We had her and a few other single marines over for Thanksgiving, so no one would be alone for the holiday. While she was here, she spent the majority of the day just short of cuddling with my husband. While I was cooking, I was standing there watching her sit down so close to him that their hips were touching, and when he moved seats, she followed him and did the same thing again.


Just this last week, my husband and I took a short trip to visit my family out of state. We have a cat, and my neighbors had volunteered to watch her for us. We left them the keys, and left Katie with spare keys just in case, as a back-up plan. She texted my husband on Monday night, asking when we would be home. My husband said Wednesday. She flipped out for no reason, acting like he was witholding information by not telling her exactly what time we would arrive (we drove, and its a thousand mile drive, so we couldn't really swear to a time). She then implied that she had been the one feeding the cat, and that she had cleaned the house (we deep-cleaned before we left, so we wouldn't come home to a mess). My neighbors, whom I trust, assure me that she had not even been here as far as they knew. I'm not even sure what that's about. So she proceeded to call my husband an idiot, and a fag (he is bi, and she seems to take issue with this, but only sometimes), and to generally be bitchy. I texted her and told her that she shouldn't speak to my husband that way, and she got obnoxious. She started calling me stupid, implied that I'm controlling, said that I'm ruining his life, and that if I kept 'egging her on', she was going to tell me what I 'really need to hear'.


Neither of us has spoken to her since, except to get our keys, which she refused to give back until just an hour ago.


Really sorry for the long story, but my real question is: How can I make her stop, without going to her CO. I'm willing to do that as a last resort, but my husband has asked me not to if I can help it, since it could make his life more difficult.


Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:35 PM
6 moms liked this

Restraining order.

Also, is it really not obvious that they have or have had some kind of inappropriate relationship?

smurfbitebug
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:40 PM
9 moms liked this
O.o

She has been having an affair with your husband... right in front of you.
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Roxygurl
by Sapphire Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:46 PM
Well I would tell her she needs to back off and will no longer be allowed to converse with your husband unless its work related and that if she so much as breaths wrong you will contact her CO and let him/her handle her ass.
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smurfbitebug
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:46 PM
1 mom liked this
OK.. since nobody close to your situation is responding yet, and I have no valid advice because I would have beaten her by now, there is a different group for military wives you could try.Are you in that group? If not, check it out.
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numonestunar
by Platinum Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:50 PM
My thoughts as well.
Youve let this go on for too long, nip it in the bud and move on. Fuck her.


Quoting smurfbitebug:

O.o



She has been having an affair with your husband... right in front of you.
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1likeme
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:52 PM
7 moms liked this
You are mad at the wrong person. She would not be acting that way if your husband was behaving appropriately. If I were you I would be demanding marriage counseling and a complete cut off the woman he has been having an emotional affai with. He allowed her to believe she has a higher place in his life than you. He needs to straighten this mess out.
Kbug3
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:59 PM
1 mom liked this
You are too trusting of a wife. My dh would not be having dinner with women. And furthermore she sounds like a psych for trying to turn you in for the alcohol.
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opal10161973
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 9:03 PM
5 moms liked this

I would still insist the locks get changed because she could have very well made a copy of the keys.  Start there.  If, after all contact has remained cut off, she does not stop with her behavior, you will NEED to tell someone because she is mentally unstable and the military needs to know this. 

Keep any and all texts and information you have and if you have not done this yet, begin a timeline with dates/times/etc of events that you have both noticed. 

IDK if they had something or not, but it actually doesn't sound like it to me, but IDK your DH, so I couldn't say for certain.  However, if she continues, treat her like a shitty EX and change your phone numbers to prohibit contact, etc. Don't even open the door to her.  Remember, she has been trained in combat and could be deadly.  Do not trust her to remain within the bounds of any type of sane behavior, she may not be.

If she makes ANY threats to you or you family, report her ASAP.  Make sure to also keep any recordings of VM, if you have them, too.  It may seem like one missed one of any part of it, is inconsequential, but adding them together, may equal a whole lot of crazy.  KWIM?

Byrd15
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 9:03 PM
Yeah seriously this.
I also agree, your mad at the wrong person. Your husband is cheating in front of you. Wake up.


Quoting smurfbitebug:

OK.. since nobody close to your situation is responding yet, and I have no valid advice because I would have beaten her by now, there is a different group for military wives you could try.Are you in that group? If not, check it out.
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edelweiss23
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 9:06 PM
I would be having a serious talk with my husband about all of this.

She sounds like a loon!!
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