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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

13 year olds sexting

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Long story short, the school confiscated my sons phone for texting in class.  He was acting shady about it and they called me to tell me.  I told them I would be right there to get it.  When I got there I looked and discovered his girlfriend from another school sent him a naked picture.  

DS is 14, just turned this month.  His gf is 13, turning 14 on the 25th of Jan.  The principle said that they have no right to tell her parents, nor any right to get him in trouble as it is two 13 year olds and there is no real age difference (in our state it isn't considered child porn like other states).  They said they are turning a blind eye to it and not getting involved and its left up to us.  

My husband and I are in disagreement.  He thinks we need to tell her parents.  I don't want to.  

Hear me out.  We moved here a few years ago and ds has had issues making lasting connections and friendships.  If I ruin this it might devastate him and further alienate him, if I tell her parents they will never allow her to speak to him again and isolate him from this new group of kids which are very well behaved compared to the group at his school (we had a party and the group from the school was cursing and acting crazy, the new group from the other school was well dressed and very polite).  I just want the relationship to run its course.  Plus I hardly know her parents, how I even start this conversation?  As a mother I would want to know what my daughter was doing, but on the other hand, I check my son's phone (she had just sent this to him) so I would have already known what he was doing and busted him anyway which they need to be doing, not me.  They aren't having sex, they aren't allowed to go anywhere together.  He is literally under my thumb at all times, they don't attend the same school, I go with him to all of his sporting events etc.  I think its natural curiosity.  

What are your thoughts?  Who do you agree with?  Me or my husband? 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 22, 2012 at 2:01 AM
Replies (181-190):
CrouseMommi
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 10:55 PM

Her parents need to know. She could end up sedning a picture like that to some jerk and he could expose on the internet or anything! Her parents definately need to know!!

JBiiirdD
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:13 PM
Tell her parents. Sorry.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
EachNewBreath
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:24 PM

Update OP on how you all decided to handle it?

Jess0915
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:34 PM

Sorry, I have to side with your husband on this one. Plus, my child's phone would immediately be replaced with a cheap, no txts, flip phone that does not take or receive photos.


pbjtime87
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:41 PM
If this was your daughter you would want to know so you can get her to stop acting so wreckless...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:42 PM
1 mom liked this

we talked to the school counselor and she said ds has to be accountable.  She suggested while we are in the room supervising have him call her and as a peer tell her the possible repercussions and consequences of sending this type of thing, what could possibly happen if its done again, tell her who saw it, as well as what his punishment is and if she ever does it again.  She said this way, he is taking ownership of what he did (accepting the picture) and she won't feel embarrassed in front of her parents and he can help her without feeling alienated by her parents, and she can learn from this mistake.  We've also completely grounded him from the phone and all electronics.  If he doesn't want to do this, then we will be calling her parents as suggested by the school counselor.  Sorry I haven't responded to any of the post, I have been reading and in contact with the counselor suggesting stuff that was posted here, its been a busy weekend and my younger twins birthday so its been crazy.  The school counselor has been meeting with us outside of school time and taking our calls.  She has been a great guidance helping us through this.  

Quoting EachNewBreath:

Update OP on how you all decided to handle it?


shymomof4
by Kristyn on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:45 PM

Your husband.  

EachNewBreath
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:49 PM

Thats great! I think it is wonderful that you found a good resource. I would have never thought of that! That is why there are there! 

Thanks for keeping me posted. Its nice to have all of this in the wings (i have a son, one day I am SURE that we are going to have to deal with this too :D )

Quoting Anonymous:

we talked to the school counselor and she said ds has to be accountable.  She suggested while we are in the room supervising have him call her and as a peer tell her the possible repercussions and consequences of sending this type of thing, what could possibly happen if its done again, tell her who saw it, as well as what his punishment is and if she ever does it again.  She said this way, he is taking ownership of what he did (accepting the picture) and she won't feel embarrassed in front of her parents and he can help her without feeling alienated by her parents, and she can learn from this mistake.  We've also completely grounded him from the phone and all electronics.  If he doesn't want to do this, then we will be calling her parents as suggested by the school counselor.  Sorry I haven't responded to any of the post, I have been reading and in contact with the counselor suggesting stuff that was posted here, its been a busy weekend and my younger twins birthday so its been crazy.  The school counselor has been meeting with us outside of school time and taking our calls.  She has been a great guidance helping us through this.  

Quoting EachNewBreath:

Update OP on how you all decided to handle it?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 40 on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:52 PM
I wouldntt say anything, just make it clear that naked pictures are not appropriate .
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:52 PM
1 mom liked this

The counselor is afraid if we call the parents she will be shamed and isolated.  By doing a 'peer intervention' she will be able to grow from her mistake and have support that isn't judging her.  We've talked and laid out all that may have happened if this got into the wrong hands (trust me we used this post as a resource).  Now, if ds decides he doesn't want to do this then the counselor says we must tell the parents which we are in agreement with.  I sure hope this works.  

Quoting EachNewBreath:

Thats great! I think it is wonderful that you found a good resource. I would have never thought of that! That is why there are there! 

Thanks for keeping me posted. Its nice to have all of this in the wings (i have a son, one day I am SURE that we are going to have to deal with this too :D )

Quoting Anonymous:

we talked to the school counselor and she said ds has to be accountable.  She suggested while we are in the room supervising have him call her and as a peer tell her the possible repercussions and consequences of sending this type of thing, what could possibly happen if its done again, tell her who saw it, as well as what his punishment is and if she ever does it again.  She said this way, he is taking ownership of what he did (accepting the picture) and she won't feel embarrassed in front of her parents and he can help her without feeling alienated by her parents, and she can learn from this mistake.  We've also completely grounded him from the phone and all electronics.  If he doesn't want to do this, then we will be calling her parents as suggested by the school counselor.  Sorry I haven't responded to any of the post, I have been reading and in contact with the counselor suggesting stuff that was posted here, its been a busy weekend and my younger twins birthday so its been crazy.  The school counselor has been meeting with us outside of school time and taking our calls.  She has been a great guidance helping us through this.  

Quoting EachNewBreath:

Update OP on how you all decided to handle it?




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