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Do you ever fantasize about what your life would be life if your partner died?

Posted by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:54 AM
  • 511 Replies
4 moms liked this

Fantasizing About Your Partner's Death Is Inevitable

Posted by Michele Zipp on December 26, 2012 

day of the deadWhen you get married, it's all about love and the white gown symbolizing your so not virginal "virginity" and the fact that you are just so happy you finally found that one person to spend the rest of your life with. It's magical. There are bells ringing. Birds chirping. Sometimes even harps playing. All is happy happy joy joy. Then time passes. You get older. And you start thinking about what your life would be like if your husband died.

There is a scene in This Is 40 that has the characters talking about what would happen if your spouse passed away, gently, softly, of course. Yes, fantasizing what life would be like if you were separated by death. I will admit that I have done this.

Not in the way you think. I don't want my husband to die. Ever. I'm not fantasizing about it in a romantic way -- I'm thinking of it in one of the oh my gosh what if this happened what the heck would I do kind of way. A panicked way. The same way that I thought about what would happen if I died after I became a mother. Motherhood made mortality a real fear; I couldn't die now because I have these two little beings to take care of and to love and see grow up.

But I have thought about it. If my husband died, I don't think I'd get married again. I'd probably stop shaving altogether. Downsize to a smaller house. Fill it with stuff I find on the side of the road and thrift stores. And not eat nearly as good as I do now since my husband is an incredible cook. When I asked my husband what he would do if I died, he said that was a terrible thing to think about. Good answer. It is terrible. The grieving would be so intensely painful. After nudging, he too said he'd get a smaller house, which is a good idea because since he doesn't clean he would need less space to get messy. I clean; he cooks. Clearly we need to die at the same time or else face a life lacking quality. We both said we'd miss the other terribly.

Some people though, fantasize about their partner's death as a way out. Jezebel writer Tracy Moore points out through psychology professor Benjamin Karney that the end of a marriage by a death means there is no failure involved like the feeling one would get from divorce but the person is gone. Gone gone. It's the way out without the stigma of divorce.

Death is certainly one way to leave someone. And honestly, it's the only thing I want to come between me and my husband. I took till death do us part seriously. So in one way it is more romantic to think that's the only thing that could separate us. Morbid, too, but death is inevitable. Though thinking about your partner's death as a means to get out of your relationship is a whole other issue.

Do you ever fantasize about what your life would be life if your partner died? What would you change or do?

by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jbirdsladie27
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:56 AM
9 moms liked this

 Uhhhh thats a big fat NO!!!!!

black.eyeliner
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:56 AM

I had to think about it when he was in the hospital with lyme disease and it drop me nuts. I got so upset the nurse had to remove me and I had to talk with a counselor. That is such a horrible thought for me. 

ButterMeUp
by Butters on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:58 AM
46 moms liked this
No. I wouldn't even want to live without him. My life was so fucked up before I met him. He's my handy man. He picked up all the bits of my broken heart and put them back together. He is my best friend. I need him.
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smurfy88
by Gold Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:00 AM
No I dont
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this

No why would I fantasize? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:01 AM
71 moms liked this

Yes, I used to. Then I divorced him instead.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:02 AM
2 moms liked this
No
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:02 AM
4 moms liked this
I'm working in this:)

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, I used to. Then I divorced him instead.

Mamabear010
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:03 AM
5 moms liked this

Yes, but I wouldn't call it fantasizing since that has a positive tone in my mind and his death would be anything but positive. It streams from my father dying when I was 9. I'm constantly paranoid that my husband will go any minute like my father did and then I think about how horrible life would be without him.

AngryBob
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 10:04 AM
6 moms liked this
Fantasize? No. But while I was pregnant, I would have horrifying, wake-up-screaming dreams about it. It kind of got me thinking about those things. I am preparing for such an occasion, like getting life ins for us, that kind of thing. I'm not going to be a widow left with nothing but insane bills and young kids.
I will admit, when I'm angry at him, i fantasize about my foot up his butt. Guess I'm not perfect.
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