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Help my husband waited for 8 yrs to start partying EDIT

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
my dh and i have been together since we where 15 and 17. We moved in together and had our son 2 yrs later we settled down fast. We have always been madly in love. Together 8 yrs married for 3. We dont party, he use to be home after work,never 'chillin' with friends! Well for the last few weeks he has been out every single nite till 2am all the way till 6am . Always finding somewhere to chill. Should i stop complaining and let it go? I mean i feel like i took his life and he never got to do what teens and 21 yr olds do. I mean i didnt make him but idk pls help --- Ok so we talked and he said he didnt think it bothered me like that,i even let him read this! He was home the nite i wrote this and every nite since. . How should i feel now? See what happens or what?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:49 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:01 PM

That's what happens when you marry and have kids before living life.  He is still young, has had a lot of responsibility at a young age and is probably feeling like he missed out on being young and having fun. Have you tried to talk to him about this?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:02 PM

All of a sudden he's 'chillin'.  Yeah, he's fucking someone else.  Good Luck with that.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:05 PM

He may just be blowing off steam....but I would put an end to staying out all hours of the night.  Sorry buddy, there's an expiration date on staying out til sun up and he passed it long ago. 

by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:05 PM
This happened with my husband too. We got together young and were together for a long time. He missed out on the partying years and decided that's what he needed I guess. It lead to our divorce. He's over it now, and doesn't really party anymore but it's too late. I hope your situation ends better than mine did.
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:06 PM

 Perhaps he feels he missed out earlier on? I don't know....I see this happen a lot when people choose to have children at a young age. My dh's ex wife was 15 when she got pregnant the first time. They were married 10 years and she never really "partied". It's been 2 years since their divorce was finalized and it's like she can't party enough. Even when it's her time with the kids she either leaves them home alone, leaves them with us or her parents, or just has friends over while they are there. I don't get it. We are the same age and I got that shit out of my system long before I became a mom.

by Anonymous 8 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:07 PM
Everything in moderation. I can see if this was a once in while type thing, but all the time is excessive. He needs to get a grip. I'd be saying something.
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:13 PM
1 mom liked this

 I don't think you should tell him to stop completely, that'll just make him resent you and maybe even start sneaking around. Talk to him, tell him it does make you uncomfortable that he's out everynight and your home alone. Tell him you, him, and your child are a family and have responsibilities to eachother. Tell him you do understand that he never got to party and be a teenager/twenty something. Work out something that you can both deal with. Like he can go out one night a week or even two if your ok with that. But that he is expected to be home by a certain time, you can work this out with him too. Then you should also get sometime to yourself. If your not into the club/partying scene, then maybe you'd like a couple of hours one day to get your nails done, or have lunch or dinner with a friend, whatever. But you both need to have the same opportunity to have "me" time.

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 9 & counting!

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:27 PM
I bitch all the time. . Im going to talk and see what happens

Quoting Tesserae:

My husband went through this stage too. It lasted about a year and then he just stopped. It has to do with maturity and them needeing to feel like they aren't so tied down.

by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:54 PM

Sounds like he is having an affair

by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:59 PM

You got the "did not get to sow those wild oats" bit right.    I feel sorry for anyone who fell into the trap of way too early "love" and was really just sex sex sex and  the sex is easy and convenient- it gets mistaken for true love..

Love can grow, however and I'm sure he does love you- and his kid.   I think you should give him a lot of space right now...

AND you should be using this time to go and better yourself.    Don't have any more kids right now- not for a long time. GO TO SCHOOL.  Nothing is better than a independent woman- to keep your  man interested.

You become far more interesting to them.   No need to go over the line with the "who needs you" attitude, but if you have outside the marriage interests and are a bit independent- you would be surprised at how fast the man suddenly takes a second look.  

He is feeling the pressure of everything. I did, when the babies came... I had a great life before marriage and kid and I had a few freak-out moments afterthem.. like YIKES... my weekends suck now.. I used to go out every weekend to music venues and have a lot of friends and we'd talk long long into the, etc....

then, BAM the ball and chain.  Yes, I love my kids, but you sure get your life sucked out of you.  No more weekends out, no more stimulating convos.. but goo goo gaa gaaa dora dora dora.. ENOUGH TO  MAKE YOU  SCREAM.

Your hubby needs some "me' time. 

You better not panic, but do sit down with him and work it out- arrange the time for him to go out, ahead of time. You let him know- Yes dear, I know what it 's like-  being tied down, I understand.

IF you are more independent, too- not thinking HE is going to be your "everything" it is better too.  When suddenly you don't complain..................he wonders..........have I gone too far?????

You can sweetly ask- dear, may I have Friday nights out? please?  He will wonder........and be more interested in you. 

I hope he is not cheating.. just feeling too tied down and wondering what wild oats he missed.  

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