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I've come here to give advice, I've come here to joke, but now I am here because i need help. ETA NEW NEW NEW! ADVICE?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 117 Replies

I'm going anonymous because i don't want this to be linked to my SN just in case anything could come from it. But I am  a long time cafe mom member, Ive been here since 07 :)
   My DD is four my ex just started having a relationship with her this past July. So he has been in her life for about 6 months. He refuses to treat me with any respect when talking to me and has no care for what i say,  Down right hates me. I take the high road and always try to take the high road and be nice. Kill 'em with kindness if you Will. That being said lets get to the problem.
   Yesterday my DD went to spend time with bio dad, Around 330 I get a text from him that said
" pick DD up at X location"
I text back and say " Excuse me"
HE answers " I said Pick DD up at X"
I text back " I'm sorry but this is getting out of hand, I have been being accommodating with where you want me to pick her up as often as you have asked, but you do not get to demand things from me I also have things I do while you have DD I do not just sit at home"  
He responds with "I met you at a totally different place than the one i wanted to the other day. And you left a mark on DD's face when you slapped her again" 
 I say " what? I have never hit DD in the face. she hardly gets spanked either. Rules at our house are that it's time outs and losing tv unless she is doing something that could hurt her or some one else. Then she gets a pop on the butt. Not that it's any of your business."

He never answered the last one. So i go to X location to get DD at 4 and he doesnt speak to me I leave with DD.  I look at DD's face and see a small bruise. I didn't see it that morning before she left so who's to say he didn't do it?
 I ask DD, Did you tell Bio Dad that i smacked you in the face?
She says " yeah, he told me you did.  
 I explain lying is bad and the whole don't do it again kind of mom speach. She then start to cry and i ask why 
 She says that Bio dad and grand ma told her that they we're going to get her taken from me because I hit her all the time. 
 I told her that good kids don't get taken from good mommies and that seemed to work

 So i'm assuming ill be getting a visit from cps some time in the near future. What should i expect? I mean the house is always clean the kids are fed, I mean it's a normal average home.  I am so scared because of the CPS horror stories ive read on here and i just don't know what to do, Especially when he is telling her to say that i did hit her in the face.

 sorry for the length but please help me
 ETA: These visits are CO, He gets DD Every  other weekend from 8-4 on that saturday and sunday. He is not aloud over night vsits. It also states in our CO where to pick up and drop off. I was just being flexible when he would ask to change where i got DD

Today is the first visit since this stuff, He came to pick up DD I said bye. He turns around and says "oh BTW I moved you can pick her up at my new place." I said "no after last time i said we would go by the court order. Your visits are supposed to be at your moms and ill pick her up at your moms at seven." He says "what ever I won't be there. "I say "ok Ill call the police. See you at seven." he gets in the car with DD mumbling
  I have no idea where his new place is so I have no idea where my DD is. Our paper work says his visits are supposed to be at his moms but its not like i can prove he's not there, and what do i do if he really doesn't show? I don't know where she is?! 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:36 PM
23 moms liked this
I would call cps on them myself and my lawyer.
Fuck those people.
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM

 I have no advice mama, but here's a bump

by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM
3 moms liked this

Wow - I would document everything and keep all text messages. In fact if you have a smart phone there is an app you can download that will automatically email you copies of all texts. I would also consider getting a lawyer. Best of luck for you and your daughter. I'm sorry that you and DD are going through this. Prayers your way.

by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM
7 moms liked this

 I would take her to the dr. to document the bruise. If I were you I would also make a call to CPS myself so they know to be expecting the call from your ex.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 Make sure your daughter knows the truth and that she should always tell the truth especially if someone is asking questions like that. Then make sure you are telling the truth and that you always document things like what you have written here.Maybe take pictures of her being picked up that show the date on the pic? Also pictures when you get her back.

by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:40 PM
8 moms liked this

wow.. just wow! the lengths some people will go to.

but if you cant beat em ... join em. a say get a small recording device (they have usb shaped ones on ebay- discrete) put it in a stuffed animal that she takes with her (and is returned with her) so you have this recorded. also i would suggest taking hello and goodbye pics-let her pose if she wants right before drop off and pick up- we had to do this due to what SD was being sent home in, but it should suit your purposes and oh yea.. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:40 PM
5 moms liked this

Get your daughter into counseling ASAP! Call CPS and report that your ex is making her lie about being hit and hurt at your house. Get a court order for visitation before you allow your daughter to go with her father again. If you are low income you can contact your local bar association and talk to them about what programs they may have available to you for assistance.
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:41 PM
2 moms liked this
Keep records of everything. Call cps yourself and a lawyer. Good luck
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by Diamond Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, I'd call CPS myself and beat him to the punch and call my lawyer.  CPS will talk to your daughter and they will hear from her that her daddy told her to lie.

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