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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Just caught my husband in a huge lie.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Most of you will probably say this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. In my first marriage, my husband used porn to replace me. And needless to say it damaged me. So when I started dating my now husband I told him how I felt about porn. He told me it was not something he was interested in. It's never been a problem until now. What made me start to wonder if he was hiding something from me was if he needed me to help him with something on his phone, he became very anxious. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had but about two hours ago it got the best of me and I picked his phone up and looked in the history. It was full of porn.

I woke him up and confronted him. Of course he got defensive, said he didn't know how it got there. I told him do not lie to me, and he said ok, yes I have been looking at it. My first thought was I must be lacking somewhere as his wife and maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He started crying and said he has been trying to tell me but was afraid I would leave him. Ok, I can understand that. I told him keeping secrets from me will end our marriage faster than him looking at pictures on a phone. It's the lying that has hurt me the most. I flat out asked him if he still loved me or was this an indication he is no longer happy with me. He said no, that he loves me more than anything and its been eating him up. We have been talking and crying together for the last two hours. I know he was being sincere, and we are going to work through this. I'm telling you ladies, woman's intuition is never wrong.

I'm still hurt. And yes my trust is broken but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get through this with him. I told him if he wants to look at it to just be honest with me. He said he doesn't want to continue, that he wants to stop, that it got out of hand. The funny thing in all of this is even though he has been looking at it, our sex life hasn't suffered. I know that's a good thing and I feel like God lead me to find out so our marriage doesn't fall apart. We both agreed we need to make more of an effort to have quality alone time together and make sex more of priority. Everything for the past two months makes sense now, he has been extremely irritable, and I could tell something was bothering him. I could see the guilt in his eyes and tonight I could see how it hurt him to see me break down into tears. It's not going to be easy but I honestly feel a huge relief. We made love after we talked and it was a little different, more relaxed than before and we connected differently, if that makes sense.

Have any of you been through this and gotten through it ? Any advice ?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:31 AM

I stopped reading when I saw porn. sorry but it isn't that big a deal to me. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:31 AM
I feel we will be ok. Just a bump. Definitely not worth throwing our marriage away over.

Quoting BrittM1988:

Happened to my husband and I also.. I told him before we even began dating that porn is a big no no to me, but while I was home on vacation I found out he was looking at it, well after setting up strict boundries about it, he hasn't looked since.. it's been 4 months now.. and we're stronger then ever.. :) Good luck momma

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I realize for most people it isn't an issue but it is to me.

Quoting Anonymous:

I stopped reading when I saw porn. sorry but it isn't that big a deal to me. 

happy41ce
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:34 AM
You sound like your self conscious about yourself. (Sp?)
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:36 AM
You are definitely not alone feeling this way about porn. It hurts me also.
I'm happy you guys talked about it. You should be thrilled you have a man who cares how you feel about it, and was willing to speak about it :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:37 AM
I am. Always have been. He knows this. And I feel porn has no place in a marriage. He knew all this before he married me. I realize and admit I have my flaws. The lying is what bothered me the most.

Quoting happy41ce:

You sound like your self conscious about yourself. (Sp?)
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:39 AM
Trust me, the fact that we were able to talk and that he opened up to me made me feel like I could fly to the moon.

Quoting Anonymous:

You are definitely not alone feeling this way about porn. It hurts me also.

I'm happy you guys talked about it. You should be thrilled you have a man who cares how you feel about it, and was willing to speak about it :)
Mother2onecutie
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:39 AM

Good luck!  I went through this in a 17 year marrage.  It took over his life.  He was not much of a communicator so he felt fine going on line.  It started out going into chat rooms, then women sending nude pictures.  He would be in the same room with me and chatting with other women.  He admitted he had an addition to porn and he could not give it up.  He ran up a $1500 cell phone bill for the second time, I terminated his phone from my account.

 We adopted our daughter in 2000 and adopted her twin sisters the next year.  Three little girls under the age of two.  Three days later he decided to take a weekend trip for "work" he could not get out of.  He was meeting a girl he met on the internet in Mephis, we lived in Michigan.

Be careful.  He cried and begged me to put passwords on the computers. We went to counseling.  I worked at home and needed my computer. Nothing would stop him.  I divorced him and he remarried one of the tramps 3 days after the divorce is final.  He didn't marry the one he ran up the cell phone bill with though.  I just didn't think I could do it alone, but I was so wrong.  We divorced in 2009 and I should have divorced when it all started in 2001.

Not my problem any more other than he thinks he can still tell me how to run mine and daughter's life. Wrong!  

Ask him to get into therapy with you, hope it helps.  It didn't him but he didn't want to change.

PM me if you want to talk.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:40 AM
Idk then I would be sad about it too kinda. I wish I knew how to help you but you did well with talking to him about it.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yep, sex life still in gear. We have sex at least 4 times a week. But somehow after the conversation tonight, it was better than ever. I fully admit I freaked. And I did apologize to him. I could have gone about it better but it did lead to us having a heart to heart and us both feeling better. Maybe we needed a blow out.



Quoting Anonymous:

I use to hate the idea of my man watching porn. Then I got into a serious relationship, I discovered porn is a better alternative to looking at naked women than a strip club or something. Of course your man can still love you and want to watch porn. I mean is your sex life still in gear? I assume that is when men start either cheating or looking at porn.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:41 AM

stop treating your husband like he is your ex husband.

men can watch porn and not use it to replace their wives.

You are trying to mold the world against your insecurities.

now you know he can't NOT watch it, its something he enjoys.

make sure it doesn't become his mainstay and you will be okay.

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