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Just caught my husband in a huge lie.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Most of you will probably say this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. In my first marriage, my husband used porn to replace me. And needless to say it damaged me. So when I started dating my now husband I told him how I felt about porn. He told me it was not something he was interested in. It's never been a problem until now. What made me start to wonder if he was hiding something from me was if he needed me to help him with something on his phone, he became very anxious. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had but about two hours ago it got the best of me and I picked his phone up and looked in the history. It was full of porn.

I woke him up and confronted him. Of course he got defensive, said he didn't know how it got there. I told him do not lie to me, and he said ok, yes I have been looking at it. My first thought was I must be lacking somewhere as his wife and maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He started crying and said he has been trying to tell me but was afraid I would leave him. Ok, I can understand that. I told him keeping secrets from me will end our marriage faster than him looking at pictures on a phone. It's the lying that has hurt me the most. I flat out asked him if he still loved me or was this an indication he is no longer happy with me. He said no, that he loves me more than anything and its been eating him up. We have been talking and crying together for the last two hours. I know he was being sincere, and we are going to work through this. I'm telling you ladies, woman's intuition is never wrong.

I'm still hurt. And yes my trust is broken but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get through this with him. I told him if he wants to look at it to just be honest with me. He said he doesn't want to continue, that he wants to stop, that it got out of hand. The funny thing in all of this is even though he has been looking at it, our sex life hasn't suffered. I know that's a good thing and I feel like God lead me to find out so our marriage doesn't fall apart. We both agreed we need to make more of an effort to have quality alone time together and make sex more of priority. Everything for the past two months makes sense now, he has been extremely irritable, and I could tell something was bothering him. I could see the guilt in his eyes and tonight I could see how it hurt him to see me break down into tears. It's not going to be easy but I honestly feel a huge relief. We made love after we talked and it was a little different, more relaxed than before and we connected differently, if that makes sense.

Have any of you been through this and gotten through it ? Any advice ?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Replies (121-126):
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:12 PM

I understand why you would be upset, I am just glad you have spoke about it and I hope your relationship continues to be a happy one.

by Anonymous 31 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:20 PM
I went through the same thing with my fiance last year. Actually the exact same thing. After he came clean it was like a weight lifted and our sex lasted longer and was better, he wasn't so on edge. He messed up again a few months later, so expect that. If it doesn't happen that's good, but it helps to look out for it. I think I almost fully trust him now. I still check his phone maybe once a week, or every other week. Which is a huge step from several times a day. Look up articles online about porn addiction and lying spouses. Those helped me out. Good luck!
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:36 PM

Porn used to be an issue for me. I have all the body image hang ups about myself. My 1st marriage my husband was looking for a reason out. And it wasn't for a lack of anything sexual because I will do ALMOST anything.

Fast forward a few years my 2nd husband and I embrace the porn. He doesn't hide it. It's normal for men to look at this so, I started looking at porn too. He felt weird when he knew I was looking at porn. we discussed it put our cards on the table and we now watch it together. It's not that often but we do and it's made our relationship healthier. It's one less issue that plagued me previously that I can now mark off my list.

Good Luck I know how you feel. If you can find a common ground with the porn issue, trust me you will feel better.

by Anonymous 32 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:38 PM

 I have never cared if DH looked at porn, so he's never had a reason to hide it. ::shrugs::

by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:38 PM

That's your opinion.I feel watching it together can be fun...Hellllloooo It's kinda like a show and tell but instead of tell you just DO!!!!!!!!!!!1

Quoting Anonymous:

The whole point to porn is to fill in everything your partner lacks.

Quoting LoveVenus:

Just because a man looks at porn doesn't mean you lack anything...

by Anonymous 33 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:42 PM

Him or your last husband looking at porn does not mean you're lacking or they don't want. There was something much deeper wrong in the first marriage. He's just a man and men like to look at women. It's perfectly normal and natural. We all like to fantasize and enjoy beauty. Him looking at it actually has nothing at all to do with you. Don't take it so personal. Yes, he was wrong for lying to you and yall need to work through that, but don't think it's your fault he was looking at it.

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