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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Just caught my husband in a huge lie.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Most of you will probably say this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. In my first marriage, my husband used porn to replace me. And needless to say it damaged me. So when I started dating my now husband I told him how I felt about porn. He told me it was not something he was interested in. It's never been a problem until now. What made me start to wonder if he was hiding something from me was if he needed me to help him with something on his phone, he became very anxious. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had but about two hours ago it got the best of me and I picked his phone up and looked in the history. It was full of porn.

I woke him up and confronted him. Of course he got defensive, said he didn't know how it got there. I told him do not lie to me, and he said ok, yes I have been looking at it. My first thought was I must be lacking somewhere as his wife and maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He started crying and said he has been trying to tell me but was afraid I would leave him. Ok, I can understand that. I told him keeping secrets from me will end our marriage faster than him looking at pictures on a phone. It's the lying that has hurt me the most. I flat out asked him if he still loved me or was this an indication he is no longer happy with me. He said no, that he loves me more than anything and its been eating him up. We have been talking and crying together for the last two hours. I know he was being sincere, and we are going to work through this. I'm telling you ladies, woman's intuition is never wrong.

I'm still hurt. And yes my trust is broken but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get through this with him. I told him if he wants to look at it to just be honest with me. He said he doesn't want to continue, that he wants to stop, that it got out of hand. The funny thing in all of this is even though he has been looking at it, our sex life hasn't suffered. I know that's a good thing and I feel like God lead me to find out so our marriage doesn't fall apart. We both agreed we need to make more of an effort to have quality alone time together and make sex more of priority. Everything for the past two months makes sense now, he has been extremely irritable, and I could tell something was bothering him. I could see the guilt in his eyes and tonight I could see how it hurt him to see me break down into tears. It's not going to be easy but I honestly feel a huge relief. We made love after we talked and it was a little different, more relaxed than before and we connected differently, if that makes sense.

Have any of you been through this and gotten through it ? Any advice ?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:42 AM
Well I know you aren't alone because I've read many posts like this before on here. Good luck moving forward.
kbornman21
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:43 AM
Oh honey, do not feel like you need to explain yourself to these ladies on here and seriously, what relationship doesn't have it's insecurities. Anybody who says that their relationship is perfect...is lying out their ass.


Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you ! I'm glad it happened on New Year's Day. Porn is just a major sore spot for me. Yes I'm aware I'm insecure.



Quoting kbornman21:

Porn doesn't bother me, but you're not the only one who had a heart to heart with your honey tonight. I think the new year definitely should reflect on your feelings/emotions. Communication is what makes relationships stronger.





Glad you are able to open up and glad he is able to do the same!





Happy New Year!

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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:43 AM
I know if he really doesn't want to stop, he won't. It scares me, but right now until time passes and I see if he sticks to his word. I can't think about this, otherwise I will lose it.

Quoting Mother2onecutie:

Good luck!  I went through this in a 17 year marrage.  It took over his life.  He was not much of a communicator so he felt fine going on line.  It started out going into chat rooms, then women sending nude pictures.  He would be in the same room with me and chatting with other women.  He admitted he had an addition to porn and he could not give it up.  He ran up a $1500 cell phone bill for the second time, I terminated his phone from my account.

 We adopted our daughter in 2000 and adopted her twin sisters the next year.  Three little girls under the age of two.  Three days later he decided to take a weekend trip for "work" he could not get out of.  He was meeting a girl he met on the internet in Mephis, we lived in Michigan.

Be careful.  He cried and begged me to put passwords on the computers. We went to counseling.  I worked at home and needed my computer. Nothing would stop him.  I divorced him and he remarried one of the tramps 3 days after the divorce is final.  He didn't marry the one he ran up the cell phone bill with though.  I just didn't think I could do it alone, but I was so wrong.  We divorced in 2009 and I should have divorced when it all started in 2001.

Not my problem any more other than he thinks he can still tell me how to run mine and daughter's life. Wrong!  

Ask him to get into therapy with you, hope it helps.  It didn't him but he didn't want to change.

PM me if you want to talk.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:45 AM
I agree. And I believe things like this is a real testament to how much love their is in a marriage depending on how the couple gets through it and if they fall apart or not.

Quoting kbornman21:

Oh honey, do not feel like you need to explain yourself to these ladies on here and seriously, what relationship doesn't have it's insecurities. Anybody who says that their relationship is perfect...is lying out their ass.




Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you ! I'm glad it happened on New Year's Day. Porn is just a major sore spot for me. Yes I'm aware I'm insecure.





Quoting kbornman21:

Porn doesn't bother me, but you're not the only one who had a heart to heart with your honey tonight. I think the new year definitely should reflect on your feelings/emotions. Communication is what makes relationships stronger.







Glad you are able to open up and glad he is able to do the same!







Happy New Year!

z0mbiepenguin
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:53 AM
A year ago I got on our home computer to look something up and he hadn't cleared the history like normal. A website intended for meeting one night stands in or area popped up and his profile was disgusting. He tried to deny it's existence at first, and then said he was just looking bc he was curious. Either easy I'm not stupid and I know what he was doing. it took awhile but I forgave him. We worked it through. He doesn't get on those sites anymore at all. we are now happily married with another baby onthe way. It won't be easy but you are going thave to have to figure out a way to move on and patch things and forgive him if you want your marriage to survive. Some men just like to look at porn. It had nothing to do with our inadequacies as wives. They have many different flavors of fantasies and watching porn is a way to access those without being unfaithful.
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kbornman21
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:53 AM
Exactly, I cheated on my boyfriend earlier this year and even though we have trust issues we got through it.

I think it depends on how bad you want it to work.


Quoting Anonymous:

I agree. And I believe things like this is a real testament to how much love their is in a marriage depending on how the couple gets through it and if they fall apart or not.



Quoting kbornman21:

Oh honey, do not feel like you need to explain yourself to these ladies on here and seriously, what relationship doesn't have it's insecurities. Anybody who says that their relationship is perfect...is lying out their ass.






Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you ! I'm glad it happened on New Year's Day. Porn is just a major sore spot for me. Yes I'm aware I'm insecure.







Quoting kbornman21:

Porn doesn't bother me, but you're not the only one who had a heart to heart with your honey tonight. I think the new year definitely should reflect on your feelings/emotions. Communication is what makes relationships stronger.









Glad you are able to open up and glad he is able to do the same!









Happy New Year!


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:53 AM
First of all, this hasn't been an issue till now. I can't help how I feel from my first marriage, once something like that happens, it has a tendency to stick. I realize I have my issues and flaws. I realize I over reacted, and I admitted to him I did. I don't know how else to deal with it other than feel hurt. In my eyes porn is not ok in a marriage. He shouldn't have lied to me. Feeling insecure when you find out your husband has been looking at porn behind your back is a normal reaction for a lot of women. However, it could have been worse, he is only looking. I realize I can not punish him and throw it in his face all the time. I realize I have to make an honest effort to not nag him about it. I just hate that he lied to me. Fully aware it's possible I created a situation where he felt he had to lie to me.

Quoting Anonymous:

stop treating your husband like he is your ex husband.

men can watch porn and not use it to replace their wives.

You are trying to mold the world against your insecurities.

now you know he can't NOT watch it, its something he enjoys.

make sure it doesn't become his mainstay and you will be okay.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:55 AM
I agree with you. I know I had an irrational knee jerk reaction. I did apologize for the way I went about it.

Quoting z0mbiepenguin:

A year ago I got on our home computer to look something up and he hadn't cleared the history like normal. A website intended for meeting one night stands in or area popped up and his profile was disgusting. He tried to deny it's existence at first, and then said he was just looking bc he was curious. Either easy I'm not stupid and I know what he was doing. it took awhile but I forgave him. We worked it through. He doesn't get on those sites anymore at all. we are now happily married with another baby onthe way. It won't be easy but you are going thave to have to figure out a way to move on and patch things and forgive him if you want your marriage to survive. Some men just like to look at porn. It had nothing to do with our inadequacies as wives. They have many different flavors of fantasies and watching porn is a way to access those without being unfaithful.
thetrollcat
by Meow on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:01 AM
1 mom liked this

people can suffer from porn addictions. Those addicted to porn deny it, but that is part of their addiction;

z0mbiepenguin
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:02 AM
It's hard. I'm not crazy about my husband looking atty porn either, but there are worse things he could do. As long as it stops at online videos, I can deal. It's pretty crappy.that he lied about it though. That's the past that's going to be the hardest to forgive, IMO, bc once he's lured about something sooooo small, it's hard to trust that everything isn't a lie

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree with you. I know I had an irrational knee jerk reaction. I did apologize for the way I went about it.



Quoting z0mbiepenguin:

A year ago I got on our home computer to look something up and he hadn't cleared the history like normal. A website intended for meeting one night stands in or area popped up and his profile was disgusting. He tried to deny it's existence at first, and then said he was just looking bc he was curious. Either easy I'm not stupid and I know what he was doing. it took awhile but I forgave him. We worked it through. He doesn't get on those sites anymore at all. we are now happily married with another baby onthe way. It won't be easy but you are going thave to have to figure out a way to move on and patch things and forgive him if you want your marriage to survive. Some men just like to look at porn. It had nothing to do with our inadequacies as wives. They have many different flavors of fantasies and watching porn is a way to access those without being unfaithful.
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