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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Just caught my husband in a huge lie.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Most of you will probably say this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. In my first marriage, my husband used porn to replace me. And needless to say it damaged me. So when I started dating my now husband I told him how I felt about porn. He told me it was not something he was interested in. It's never been a problem until now. What made me start to wonder if he was hiding something from me was if he needed me to help him with something on his phone, he became very anxious. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had but about two hours ago it got the best of me and I picked his phone up and looked in the history. It was full of porn.

I woke him up and confronted him. Of course he got defensive, said he didn't know how it got there. I told him do not lie to me, and he said ok, yes I have been looking at it. My first thought was I must be lacking somewhere as his wife and maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He started crying and said he has been trying to tell me but was afraid I would leave him. Ok, I can understand that. I told him keeping secrets from me will end our marriage faster than him looking at pictures on a phone. It's the lying that has hurt me the most. I flat out asked him if he still loved me or was this an indication he is no longer happy with me. He said no, that he loves me more than anything and its been eating him up. We have been talking and crying together for the last two hours. I know he was being sincere, and we are going to work through this. I'm telling you ladies, woman's intuition is never wrong.

I'm still hurt. And yes my trust is broken but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get through this with him. I told him if he wants to look at it to just be honest with me. He said he doesn't want to continue, that he wants to stop, that it got out of hand. The funny thing in all of this is even though he has been looking at it, our sex life hasn't suffered. I know that's a good thing and I feel like God lead me to find out so our marriage doesn't fall apart. We both agreed we need to make more of an effort to have quality alone time together and make sex more of priority. Everything for the past two months makes sense now, he has been extremely irritable, and I could tell something was bothering him. I could see the guilt in his eyes and tonight I could see how it hurt him to see me break down into tears. It's not going to be easy but I honestly feel a huge relief. We made love after we talked and it was a little different, more relaxed than before and we connected differently, if that makes sense.

Have any of you been through this and gotten through it ? Any advice ?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:05 AM
Yeah :/ When he admitted the truth, I did say why the hell did you lie to me five minutes ago ? But he could have continued to deny it.

Quoting thetrollcat:

people can suffer from porn addictions. Those addicted to porn deny it, but that is part of their addiction;

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:07 AM
Right. I told him that. But he did admit it. He could have continued to deny it. Once he admitted it he told me everything, it's like it opened a flood gate. I have faith that's a good thing.

Quoting z0mbiepenguin:

It's hard. I'm not crazy about my husband looking atty porn either, but there are worse things he could do. As long as it stops at online videos, I can deal. It's pretty crappy.that he lied about it though. That's the past that's going to be the hardest to forgive, IMO, bc once he's lured about something sooooo small, it's hard to trust that everything isn't a lie



Quoting Anonymous:

I agree with you. I know I had an irrational knee jerk reaction. I did apologize for the way I went about it.





Quoting z0mbiepenguin:

A year ago I got on our home computer to look something up and he hadn't cleared the history like normal. A website intended for meeting one night stands in or area popped up and his profile was disgusting. He tried to deny it's existence at first, and then said he was just looking bc he was curious. Either easy I'm not stupid and I know what he was doing. it took awhile but I forgave him. We worked it through. He doesn't get on those sites anymore at all. we are now happily married with another baby onthe way. It won't be easy but you are going thave to have to figure out a way to move on and patch things and forgive him if you want your marriage to survive. Some men just like to look at porn. It had nothing to do with our inadequacies as wives. They have many different flavors of fantasies and watching porn is a way to access those without being unfaithful.
thetrollcat
by Meow on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:08 AM
1 mom liked this

If he seriously has an addiction to porn you cannot expect he will be able to stop...

People with addiction generally need distraction or intervention to help them stop with their addiction.

You too will have to put up with a lot and the trust issue bit is also something that takes awhile to repair as well...

I personally will not work through addictions in my life anymore, ive been there done that, Im done. They require way too much, what I dont have anymore.....

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah :/ When he admitted the truth, I did say why the hell did you lie to me five minutes ago ? But he could have continued to deny it.

Quoting thetrollcat:

people can suffer from porn addictions. Those addicted to porn deny it, but that is part of their addiction;


~~~~~         =^..^=        ~~~~~
I'm not the cat lady type. I'm more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my own terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoes.  

*marking the 599968yth post/reply being mean, evil, horrible, which makes me worse than anonymous*

Mother2onecutie
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:23 AM

I never thought porn was a huge issue either until it took over his life.  I don't believe I am insecure to not trust.  If you have been through an addiction you will understand.  It's hard if you haven't.  He used to get up once I fell asleep and spend the entire night on the computer.  You can only help someone so much, they have to want to change.

OP maybe it took you confronting your DH to have him address it.  It sounded like it was hard on him knowing or worrying about you finding out.  That means he has a conscience.  Mine did not.  Big difference.

Again good luck.  I hope it turns out ok for you.


Mrs.Winchester
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:25 AM
1 mom liked this
I would give him the green light and work on your insecurities and control issues. Otherwise you're just going to be lied to again in the future.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:29 AM
You both cried for 2 hrs over him looking at porn? Wow
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:29 AM
Did he say why he was looking at it?
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:35 AM
My prob is my df used to jack off so much before me that he couldnt get off by sex when he stopped for a week he finally got off and i was excited and actually wanted sex. But when he looks at porn an jacks off he cant get off during sex for at least a week and i get depressed during it thinking he can get off to them but not me so whsts wrong with me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:20 AM
My first husband worked 2nd shift, got home and stayed up almost until I got up in the morning watching porn and then slept all day until he had to go to work again, completely ignoring me and our daughter which contributed to our divorce.

My 2nd husband and i enjoy watching porn but in moderation. It gives us ideas and turns both of us on.

The true reality of the situation is that men are sexually stimulated visually and women emotionally.

Most women dig their heels in and take everything personally when its just the way guys were built. Join in the fun of porn (in moderation) and you will both be satisfied.

http://andynaselli.com/are-guys-and-girls-wired-differently-sexually.
Mamasgirl524
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:26 AM
I understand why you're hurt especially since you guys agreed he wouldn't watch it but you've got to gain some confidence. Porn doesn't have to mean you're lacking or he doesn't want you. Good luck mama.
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