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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Just caught my husband in a huge lie.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Most of you will probably say this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. In my first marriage, my husband used porn to replace me. And needless to say it damaged me. So when I started dating my now husband I told him how I felt about porn. He told me it was not something he was interested in. It's never been a problem until now. What made me start to wonder if he was hiding something from me was if he needed me to help him with something on his phone, he became very anxious. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had but about two hours ago it got the best of me and I picked his phone up and looked in the history. It was full of porn.

I woke him up and confronted him. Of course he got defensive, said he didn't know how it got there. I told him do not lie to me, and he said ok, yes I have been looking at it. My first thought was I must be lacking somewhere as his wife and maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He started crying and said he has been trying to tell me but was afraid I would leave him. Ok, I can understand that. I told him keeping secrets from me will end our marriage faster than him looking at pictures on a phone. It's the lying that has hurt me the most. I flat out asked him if he still loved me or was this an indication he is no longer happy with me. He said no, that he loves me more than anything and its been eating him up. We have been talking and crying together for the last two hours. I know he was being sincere, and we are going to work through this. I'm telling you ladies, woman's intuition is never wrong.

I'm still hurt. And yes my trust is broken but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get through this with him. I told him if he wants to look at it to just be honest with me. He said he doesn't want to continue, that he wants to stop, that it got out of hand. The funny thing in all of this is even though he has been looking at it, our sex life hasn't suffered. I know that's a good thing and I feel like God lead me to find out so our marriage doesn't fall apart. We both agreed we need to make more of an effort to have quality alone time together and make sex more of priority. Everything for the past two months makes sense now, he has been extremely irritable, and I could tell something was bothering him. I could see the guilt in his eyes and tonight I could see how it hurt him to see me break down into tears. It's not going to be easy but I honestly feel a huge relief. We made love after we talked and it was a little different, more relaxed than before and we connected differently, if that makes sense.

Have any of you been through this and gotten through it ? Any advice ?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Replies (41-50):
kidlover2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:30 AM
:( I would definitely recommend counselling of some sort. The fact he felt the need to lie... the realization that he has some of the similarities that you couldn't stand about your ex. Getting outside help doesn't make you a failure, it provides the tools for you two to thrive.
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Jcothrine
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:33 AM

i really don't see the big deal with porn... i just don't get it... i like to look.....


JC

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:35 AM
The more taboo you make something the more appeal it has.
HipLikeJunk
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:36 AM
1 mom liked this
You guys sat and cried over porn? That seems dramatic.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:36 AM
It's sad when a couple cry over porn... That was your last relationship and that's where it should stay...
ittybit2012
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:37 AM
While I don't have a problem with porn, I understand why you feel the way you do. The fact that you talked about it and came to an understanding is a wonderful first step. I hope that the communication stays open and your marriage continues to get stronger. Good luck to both of you!
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Syphon
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:43 AM

 I don't think looking at porn is a big deal but I do find it weird that he looks at it on his phone.  Is this a common man thing?  Lol...now I want to go look at my husbands phone

HipLikeJunk
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:52 AM

I pretty much look at porn on my phone almost exclusively. I think it's pretty common, lol.

Quoting Syphon:

 I don't think looking at porn is a big deal but I do find it weird that he looks at it on his phone.  Is this a common man thing?  Lol...now I want to go look at my husbands phone


Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM
You're overreacting.... Just like you did in your first marriage
SadeAyosmom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:03 AM

untill someone has been replaced by porn they dont understand how horrible it is.

i live like that now.

its horrible worrying about leaving the room.. or complete lack of sex and intimacy

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