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Scared about blended family

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:50 PM
  • 23 Replies

SO and I have been together for 7 months. Our marriages only ended 8 months ago within weeks of each other. We have known each other for 14 years (dated for a year back in high school) but had never met each others children. His daughter is 7 and mine are 8 and 9. My two girls live with their dad during the school year and he has his daughter every other weekend. She didn't speak to me for the first 4 months which is fine with me. I just sat back. She was always asking her dad questions about me though, she is just shy. This weekend she started talking to me, playing with me, having pillow fights, and all kinds of fun stuff. I just want some advice from other blended families. Both mine and SOs parents are still together and I don't know anybody who has been divorced other than us. I would love advice before we get all three kids together this summer. SO and I have lived together for the past 5 months. My kids think SO is the best and talk to him and text him on the phone. 

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:50 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:56 PM
Just take it slow. Be their friends before you start making rules. let everyone get to know each other first. I would suggest the kids talking on the phone, but that won't work if his dd is shy
ashisamom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:59 PM

Hid DD is very shy but mine are the opposite. They would do all the talking. My two are very good at engaging shy children so I think that is a great idea. 

My kids are the ones at the playground that call a "staff meeting" in the middle and organize a game. Its not unusual for them to get 20+ kids together and organize a game lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

Just take it slow. Be their friends before you start making rules. let everyone get to know each other first. I would suggest the kids talking on the phone, but that won't work if his dd is shy


kirstina
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Set up rules ahead of time. Let them know they have to respect SO.
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ashisamom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I also figured that SO and I are going to have to make rules for our house together so all three girls follow the same set of rules. As of right now my kids have a lot more rules than his DD. So I will have to relax a little and he will have to tighten up some. Its not fair if they have different sets of rule...am I correct on this thought?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this


 Sounds like a good thing going.. IF your girls think your SO is the best thing and feel good about talking to him and texting him.. I would say he is pretty special...Some thing you and your SO need to think about is when a good time for all 3 girls to meet.. they are close in age.. that is a good thing ( I think ) how well do you think they will get along?? you said she would not talk to you.. that she is shy.. alway remember it has to be hard for her to see dad with someone else other than mom.. but she will adjust.. as your girls will..I think she is warming up to you.. and you should feel good about that.. pillow fights are always fun... something to maybe think about.. is what about going to lunch just you and her.. or a trip to the mall.. just to walk around and talk... show her you can be her friend.. maybe something to think about before the summer.. is getting your girls for a weekend when your SO daughter is there... to see how they are going to get along.. like a test.. before you have all 3 girls for the whole summer.. this way you kind of know how they are going to be with each other.. GOOD LUCK 

    YES I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED TWICE... MY GIRLS WERE SMALL WHEN I MARRIED EX dh # 2.. and well my oldest daughter thinks of EX dh # 2 more of her dad than her real dad...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:10 PM


Quoting ashisamom:

I also figured that SO and I are going to have to make rules for our house together so all three girls follow the same set of rules. As of right now my kids have a lot more rules than his DD. So I will have to relax a little and he will have to tighten up some. Its not fair if they have different sets of rule...am I correct on this thought?

YES you are correct on this!! they ALL 3 should have the same set of rules.. no one should be treated differently.. if your DD has to go to bed at 9pm his DD should have to go to bed at 9pm.. I think you are doing all the right things.. If you show your gilrs that SO DD has a different set of rules.. and well lets say gets away with a little more .. they may start to resent you for it... 

ashisamom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:11 PM

Thank you very much for your reply. Unfortunately my girls live 900 miles away and there is not a way to get them before summertime. SO only met them for a few days this summer. Thankfully there will be time for me to spend with my girls and time for him to spend alone time with his DD. I think they will get along great. All three of them have very different personalities. One of my DDs is a loner and the other is super social. His daughter is a bit of both. They are all friendly to other children and play well with others. I was an only child so I can bond with his daughter over that. He has siblings so has something in common with my two. 

Quoting Anonymous:


 Sounds like a good thing going.. IF your girls think your SO is the best thing and feel good about talking to him and texting him.. I would say he is pretty special...Some thing you and your SO need to think about is when a good time for all 3 girls to meet.. they are close in age.. that is a good thing ( I think ) how well do you think they will get along?? you said she would not talk to you.. that she is shy.. alway remember it has to be hard for her to see dad with someone else other than mom.. but she will adjust.. as your girls will..I think she is warming up to you.. and you should feel good about that.. pillow fights are always fun... something to maybe think about.. is what about going to lunch just you and her.. or a trip to the mall.. just to walk around and talk... show her you can be her friend.. maybe something to think about before the summer.. is getting your girls for a weekend when your SO daughter is there... to see how they are going to get along.. like a test.. before you have all 3 girls for the whole summer.. this way you kind of know how they are going to be with each other.. GOOD LUCK 

    YES I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED TWICE... MY GIRLS WERE SMALL WHEN I MARRIED EX dh # 2.. and well my oldest daughter thinks of EX dh # 2 more of her dad than her real dad...


elijahXmom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:11 PM
Just treat all the kids the same.


Quoting ashisamom:

SO and I have been together for 7 months. Our marriages only ended 8 months ago within weeks of each other. We have known each other for 14 years (dated for a year back in high school) but had never met each others children. His daughter is 7 and mine are 8 and 9. My two girls live with their dad during the school year and he has his daughter every other weekend. She didn't speak to me for the first 4 months which is fine with me. I just sat back. She was always asking her dad questions about me though, she is just shy. This weekend she started talking to me, playing with me, having pillow fights, and all kinds of fun stuff. I just want some advice from other blended families. Both mine and SOs parents are still together and I don't know anybody who has been divorced other than us. I would love advice before we get all three kids together this summer. SO and I have lived together for the past 5 months. My kids think SO is the best and talk to him and text him on the phone. 


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marysmithy
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:13 PM

Why don't your DDs live with you?

tharealty2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:13 PM

I'm sorry - are you already living together?

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