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how do i tell him?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies
Long story short, when I was 5, my 13 yo uncle molested me. Yes, my mother pressed charges against her 13 yo brother. But I'm ok. Not damaged from it. I chose for us to move past it as a family. It's not for everyone. We have just done it. Of course the rest of our lives there has been that extra akwardness. How could there not be? Well, today df and I were at my grandmas, and my uncle stopped by. There was the akward introduction hello thing. We laughed it off. Me and df left and he said it looked like my uncle and I used to hang out. He thought we used to drink and hangout or something. He has no idea that there was a childhood sexual past between us. I'm scared to tell him. Do I even tell him?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:12 PM
1 mom liked this

If you're planning on spending the rest of your life with him.. Tell him.

DuncansMommy
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:14 PM

Tell him

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:15 PM

tell him. if he's important enough to you to spend the rest of your life with, he's important enough to you to really know all about you and your past. I'd make it clear that your family has moved on though, so no need to be weird.

divamommao
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:15 PM

That is totaly up to you. I was molested by one of my brothers at 5 -6 yrs old. he is about 10 yrs older than me..  ( my fathers son). and I stay away from him and will not let anyone of my kids are ound him. but we do not live anywhere close to him. I did tell my DH and he knows. and when he seen him he wanted to beat his a$$.. But I have over came it and can be in the same room with him and not feel it all over again.. do I trust him hell no will I ever trust him hell no..

But If I was you I would tell him. because what if some one in your family talks about it and then he has no idea what they are speaking of.. something like that is some I feel your spouse should know when you feel comfortable telling them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Tell him or it's going to be forever awkward
angevil53
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:16 PM
I would but let him know you don't hold any animosity and he shouldn't either.
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xtwistedxlovex
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:21 PM

Just be matter-of-fact. DF knows my older brother molested me when we were kids. He also knows that OB had been molested by another brother who had been...and so on. I made it clear that I have forgiven him - sort of feel that there's nothing to forgive, since he was just a hurt kid himself - and DF really doesn't seem to think twice about it. Of course, your situation is a little different...but as long as you're clear on the fact that you chose to forgive your cousin, hopefully your DH will understand and not make a big deal out of it.

deenakate
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Exactly

Quoting Anonymous:

If you're planning on spending the rest of your life with him.. Tell him.

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Grumpylilpixy
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:24 PM

I wouldn't. IF you are just trying to let it go. The problem is he is your Dh and he wants to protect you. That is his job as a man goes...

So it may bother him more then you know.

rhope4
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:31 PM
I would tell him and did. In my case, it was a much older distant cousin who knew better. I have since forgiven this cousin, but I want there to be no secrets between us. He was incredibly supportive. I have only seen this man once in my adult years, and so running into him is not likely. Let him know. He needs to to avoid the awkwardness later on.
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