Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I yelled at my step dad tonight.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

My mom invited us over for dinner this evening, so we packed up the kids and went over.  We were just over on Sunday, ate, played games, and had a wonderful time. After dinner tonight, we decided to play more games.

We decided to play Pictionary and Pass Word. SO and I are on a team, and mom and him were on a team. We got through pictionary ok, although every time mom would draw something and he couldn't guess it, he would say "good lord Emmy, if you would have drawn it this way... blah, blah, blah'.  So we switched to Pass Word, but then he kept doing the same thing. I was tired of it so I turned to my girls and said "time to get your shoes on and go home'. He just wouldn't quit "What's wrong with you, if you would use your brain I could get them, What's wrong with you'.  And yes, he was shouting at her. I had enough i said "Good God SHUT UP!! It is a freaking game! This is why no one ever wants to come over here or play games because it ends like this!". I got up, and gathered up jackets, SO got the girls and we left immediately.

He has a history of being violent in the past towards my mom- broke her arm, black eyes, bruises. He tried to pull that with me only once and I knocked him on his ass.  He went to jail after breaking her arm, and came out a 'changed man'. (yes, she's a moron for going back to him) I have been trying to give him a chance, but this makes me want to write him out all together. He does wonderful for awhile, then something like this happens and it sets everything back.

My dd's and I were supposed to go over tomorrow and bake things for this weekend when my sisters family comes down, but now I don't want to go. She is begging me to come, but I told her I wasn't sure. She moved to be close to me because she's lonely and I think we are a distraction from her horrible marriage. 

I just don't know what to think. SO said he is proud of me for saying something and leaving. I think he was so astonished; he had heard but never seen how his anger can come out of no where, that he wasn't sure what to say or do.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Bird16_J
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:14 PM

How sad that your mom would go back to a piece of shit like that! I would've kicked his ass as well if he would've put his hands on my mom! And for him to talk to her like that?! WHY the hell does she go back to him and put up with his bullshit?! How sad that she goes back to a loser like that :(


LeeLee375
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Idk if ur looking for advice, or what. I don't have any, I'm just so sorry your mom is putting up with this.

I volunteer in a domestic violence shelter and it's so sad to me how many people return to their abusers. It's all about power and control. If he makes her believe she's an idiot who can't even play a game, then there ya go, why not let him have all the power, right? She probably has such negative self-talk because of the crap she listens to from him. :-(

Maybe you could help her find a way out of the relationship with this fantastic "changed man."
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:18 PM

She left him several times while I still lived at home but we would always go back. We left once after I graduated and went to stay with my sister. After a month, she decided to go back but I refused. My sister let me live with her. We both begged her not to go back, we both told her that if she did we just knew we would get a phone call one day saying she was either in the hospital or dead. Sure enough, 4 months later we got the call that he had snapped her arm, fractured her eye socket, and she was in surgery to repair the damage.

I think she is more afraid of being alone or being a 4 time divorced woman than being with him. She keeps trying to convince everyone he has changed, but I've told her before it was obvious he still treated and talked to her like shit.

Quoting Bird16_J:

How sad that your mom would go back to a piece of shit like that! I would've kicked his ass as well if he would've put his hands on my mom! And for him to talk to her like that?! WHY the hell does she go back to him and put up with his bullshit?! How sad that she goes back to a loser like that :(


tlcory
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:22 PM

Be there for your Mother, you and your children are probably her only and true joy in life.  Ignore the idiot, your Mother is worth it! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:22 PM

It is completely about power. He can't guess the right answer, so that makes her the idiot.  She has very low self esteem, always has. Her dad was abusive and her sisters always told her "no one would want you any way" so she clings to who ever she can- 4 different abusive husbands.

Not really looking for advice, just needing to vent to someone anonymously.

I've tried, as has my sister, to get her to leave. She just wont. She feels like she has to stay, like leaving and getting divorced again will make her look like a failure. I just don't know how to help her or make her see that the way he treats her is not ok or normal

Quoting LeeLee375:

Idk if ur looking for advice, or what. I don't have any, I'm just so sorry your mom is putting up with this.

I volunteer in a domestic violence shelter and it's so sad to me how many people return to their abusers. It's all about power and control. If he makes her believe she's an idiot who can't even play a game, then there ya go, why not let him have all the power, right? She probably has such negative self-talk because of the crap she listens to from him. :-(

Maybe you could help her find a way out of the relationship with this fantastic "changed man."


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:24 PM

This is what I keep telling myself and SO.  He's heard all the stories, and just from that he didn't understand why I couldn't write off both of them- since she wouldn't leave him.  I told him she is still my mother, and that I am probably her only friend.  She has made terrible decisions in her life but she is still my momma

Quoting tlcory:

Be there for your Mother, you and your children are probably her only and true joy in life.  Ignore the idiot, your Mother is worth it! 


AllofFive19
by Emerald Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:28 PM

I'm so sorry for your Mom... I wish she could get the strength to leave.

sthflachk
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:30 PM
This

Quoting AllofFive19:

I'm so sorry for your Mom... I wish she could get the strength to leave.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:35 PM

So do I.

Quoting AllofFive19:

I'm so sorry for your Mom... I wish she could get the strength to leave.

The sad thing is that he is a diabetic who is basically killing himself by not taking care of himself- eating junk food, doping up on px meds, he is even in early stages of kidney failure. She has said several times "he's killing himself, so hopefully he will go before I do and then I can be at peace.'

LeeLee375
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:39 PM
She doesn't want to be perceived as a loser... So she puts up with real life pain.

This is so sad. It doesn't matter what other people think. She and her two daughters and grandchildren are the only ones that matter. And I'm sure that everyone in that equation wants her out.

And the people she's worried about thinking she's a loser probably all have at least some idea about what she's going through.

I just wish there were magic words to get her out. But he (and her prior husbands and even her dad) have talked her into believing she's not worth it. :-(

I don't know where you got your guts, but I'm glad you have em. :) Stand up for yourself and stand up for her like you've done. Maybe some day she will do the same.


Quoting Anonymous:

It is completely about power. He can't guess the right answer, so that makes her the idiot.  She has very low self esteem, always has. Her dad was abusive and her sisters always told her "no one would want you any way" so she clings to who ever she can- 4 different abusive husbands.

Not really looking for advice, just needing to vent to someone anonymously.

I've tried, as has my sister, to get her to leave. She just wont. She feels like she has to stay, like leaving and getting divorced again will make her look like a failure. I just don't know how to help her or make her see that the way he treats her is not ok or normal


Quoting LeeLee375:

Idk if ur looking for advice, or what. I don't have any, I'm just so sorry your mom is putting up with this.



I volunteer in a domestic violence shelter and it's so sad to me how many people return to their abusers. It's all about power and control. If he makes her believe she's an idiot who can't even play a game, then there ya go, why not let him have all the power, right? She probably has such negative self-talk because of the crap she listens to from him. :-(



Maybe you could help her find a way out of the relationship with this fantastic "changed man."


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)