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13 year old dd snuck out tonight update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I KNOW I'm gonna get bashed to hell for this but I need some serious advice.

Let me start by saying, dd is NORMALLY very well behaved. She's not rude or disrespectful, can have a bit of an attitude at times but she's 13, a slight attitude at times is to be expected, no?

Very early this morning Dh wakes up to use the restroom and go check on the kids and make sure they are all covered up since its freezing tonight and when he peeks in dd room she's not there. He checked both bathrooms and she's not in either. He wakes me up and says P is not in the house. I jump out of bed and run all over the house and she's nowhere. All of a sudden Dh phone goes off, its some kid, we will call him T. He says sorry P I can't meet you all at the school my mom is still awake. So Dh CALLS T and finds out that dd and a few other friends were gonna meet at our neighborhood park and then one of there cousins who is FUCKING 17 is gonna take them driving around. **dd was using Dh phone because hers took a crap and won't turn on** well she had erased the texts and numbers from Dh phone so if this kid hadn't text we would have had no idea what was going on. Dh was able to get one of the other kids phone numbers from T that did meet up at the park and Dh called it and found out THEY WERE 15 FUCKING miles away!!!!!! Dh told them to stay right there and then called the cops and Dh and the cops went to where they were. Dh said all the kids (6 total) were detained and parents were being called, the 17 year old was put in cuffs and in the back of a cop car. Dd was released to Dh but we have to take her to the station at 11 to speak with an officer.

What in the FUCK was she thinking? Oh that's right SHE WASN'T! all and I mean ALL trust is gone.

I have no idea what to do with this. I never snuck out as a teen, she has never had any huge disciplinary problems, the most is she was grounded for not picking up her room. We have rules and consequences for not following the rules. We are told Alllll the time what good parents we are because we have structure and discipline and are our kids parents not friends.

I need advice, how do I punish this? What do I do to make her understand what a big deal this is? I'm at a complete loss.

Ok now go ahead and tell me what a compleat failure as a mother I am, can't make me feel worse than Ialready do.


Hey everyone. Just wanted to update. We went to the police station and the officer that Dh talked to took Dh, me and dd to a room to talk. He asked her questions about the 17 year old she and the others were with, apparently the reason he was arrested was for a warrent he had for his arrest for marijuana possestion. The officer also wanted to put the fear of God in to her, he has a teen dd as well and knew what we must be going through. He told her what very easily could have happened to her and her friends.

Dd is grounded, all privileges have been taken till further notice. Dh and I talked with her at length about how wrong she was and how she has lost our trust and how disappointed we are in her.

I think she gets it, she cried to us, and apologised to us both and SWORE it was the only time, although I'm not sure how much of that I believe at this point. Dh got the alarms on his way to work and will.install.them when he gets home tonight.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:44 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:50 AM

Or, take her to your local jail yourself, and tell her she WILL end up there, if she doesn't smarten up, and quickly, too.  Next thing you know, you'll be GRANDMA

Quoting Anonymous:

put her on the "Maury" show  in a show about bad teens...they'll take her to jail, and she's see where's she's headed if she keeps it up. 

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:50 AM
The only advice I have is illegal and dangerous. My kid had me contemplating installing pad locks until she came around.
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by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:51 AM
I'm sure having cops called on her scared her, it would have me being 13. Lol but you and dh sit her down and have a serious talk with her about the dangers of her sneaking out like that and take anything valuable to her away for a while. Give her extra chores, etc.

Good luck!
by Emerald Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:51 AM
8 moms liked this

No you are not a failure. She failed not you. What I would do is empty out her room. I would leave the bed, a pencil & Other HW supplies. Take her door off. Put her in "girl jail" for the next 6 months. You let her out for school, meals and bathroom breaks. This says to her we care so much we dont want you ending up in real jail. She can earn chore time. She can try to earn back your trust. You explain just how hard it is to be trusted once you break that trust. ASK her to tell you how she would feel if she was the parent and you were causing  this BS. She has NO electronics during this time. You may after a month or so reward her behavior (if its good) with more books for her to read.

by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:52 AM
Ty, her phone is nit being fixed like we were going to do for atleast a month, she has lost all other privileges, it just doesn't seem like enough for the "crime" kwim?I am calling her youth pastor later today and talking with him about all this. She's not aloud anywhere but school and church till further notice.

Quoting krystyneh:

First off I don't think you are a bad parent. I would ground her. Take away computer, phone, tv and anything else electronic. I would ground her for a month. I would tell her she's only allowed to go to school then back home and that's it. I never snuck out as a teenager either but I know ones that have and their parents did far worse then what I've suggested u to do.
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:53 AM
3 moms liked this
Fairly normal whether anyone admits it or not. As kid I and my siblings snuck out just to habg with friends as well because it was forbidden lol yes I would punish her but I woulldnt really worry as long as she isn't doing it for drugs or sex.
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:53 AM
Good shes ok! I have no.advice... My son is only 4 , I couldnt imagin.

I dont think your a bad mom... Kids just dont think.sometimes and peer pressure gets the best of them.

Good luck!
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:53 AM
You're not a failure
I have no advice my kids never did that to me. I'm so sorry
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by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:54 AM
When my mom caught me sneaking out at night when I was a teen as a punishment she took my bedroom door off the hinges and took all my makeup away for a week plus phone privileges. I had to go to school and come straight home. Yeah the no privacy in my room made me think twice.
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